below-deck-recap

Last night’s Below Deck was all about frustration. Kate Chastain resurrects the Resting B*tch Face to combat her frustration over the shoddy work – and attitude – she’s perceiving from Sierra Storm and Emily Warburton-Adam. Meanwhile, Kelley Johnson does his best to quiet his ego as he adjusts to life with Nico Scholly’s new senior deckhand status. As opposed to Nico’s freshman deckhand behavior lately – which now includes blaming Kate for all of his self-inflicted problems aboard Valor! Lauren Burchnell is, of course, all too happy to blame Kate too. She’s #TeamNico, whether it makes sense or not. Sigh. I had such high hopes for Lauren early in the season. What happened to this girl in six short weeks?

We begin with Kate and Kelley bemoaning their separate fates. But Ben Robinson and Emily are celebrating theirs! After preserving Emily’s funeral bouquet for as long as humanly possible, Ben finally scored an adult sleepover ashore. From which he emerged giddier than ever. Kyle Dixon is also breathing a sigh of relief after his girlfriend Ashley took his sketchy Sierra news pretty well. Kyle better get it together for that patient girl because she is standing by his excuse-making arse even though he doesn’t deserve it. #TeamAshley

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Time to meet the LAST charter guests! Captain Lee Rosbach briefs the team: The guests are former models who have a lifestyle blog, want a photo shoot and thank you dinner for their host, and will provide plenty of game play for Kelley – who says he loves the “older ladies.” <eye roll>

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Kate checks in on Emily and Sierra, with whom she’s not too happy. Emily notices the icy tone in Kate’s delivery. Above deck, Captain Lee demands a good job from his deck crew, who have been struggling all season – especially with that damn swimming pool! Lee suggests they take a page out of Kate’s playbook, steering the guests away from activities that the crew doesn’t want to set up. (Whoa! I did NOT expect that sort of advice to come out of Lee’s mouth. Is he just exhausted with this crew or what?) Nico’s only takeaway from this little speech? Kate is a b*tch. He thinks her manipulative ways shouldn’t be brandished about as training tactics.

After not answering Kate on the radio, Emily and Sierra are on even thinner ice. Kate gives them some critical reminders and advice before charter, which seems innocuous enough, but to which Emily and Sierra give major side eye. Emily just wants to make out with her man, yo! She doesn’t have time to be answering radios! Those flowers aren’t going to grow legs and move themselves! Kate knows that she doesn’t need to be friends with these girls in the end, though. She needs to be their boss.

Lauren and Nico decide that it’s the last charter, so they’re going to let their immaturity reach its full potential. They snark on Kate with Kyle, who is all to happy to go along for the ride. Kelley decides he’s going to release his inner b-bag also, snarking on the “elderly” guests who are about to arrive. In that theme, he explains to the guests that they have lots of fun pool toys – and a pool, which is for “children and old people.” He avoids setting up the pool thusly. The guests, by the way, are pretty and lovely (so far) and are hopefully hate-tweeting Kelley marathon style right now. Because he sucks, dude.

As Valor anchors at sea, Kate does her rounds and finds Sierra’s radio, which she lost. As punishment, Kate literally zip ties Sierra’s radio to her body. Bwahahahaha! Sierra is just barely smart enough to be offended, but Kate doesn’t care. She’s thinks brains and beauty don’t often come in one package, and “Sierra’s just…really, really pretty.”

As the guests lunch, they toast to Dawn, their host. And Emily sneaks back to the galley for some more flirt time with Ben, who’s hoping this relationship is really heading somewhere. Kate is just trying to swallow down her bile after 1) being annoyed with #Bemily and 2) listening to women empowerment lessons from ladies who luxuriate. Oy – Kate is in a bad place this charter. It’s gonna be RBF all night long, ladies and gents!

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After being told “No breaks for you!” Soup Nazi style, Sierra has had enough of grumpy Kate. She and Emily commiserate in the laundry room about their superior’s baditude. It’s tough to get huffy with a radio zip tied to one’s person, but somehow Sierra manages it. She also manages to gross Kyle out by chewing with her mouth open on the regular.

Agggghhhh! Enough with the missing radios!!! Sierra has lost hers AGAIN?! After an altercation with Kyle in which Sierra calls him a child, Kyle calls her a “d*ck” and “a f*ckin idiot.” It’s last charter, people. Hold it together for two more days! Kyle thinks Sierra isn’t worth his time, but Kelley wants him to apologize for the sake of the order. Kyle refuses.

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So Kelley tries to smooth the waters with Sierra…but it doesn’t turn out well. Sierra thinks the deck crew is messing with her, but Kelley claims they’re not. His reasonable start quickly devolves into an immature argument, with Kyle giggling over his shoulder as brah backup. “Why are they so mean to me???” whines Sierra to Kate later, who gives zero f*cks about who’s being mean to whom at this point. She wants to get off this ship without slapping a b*tch, so she suggests they all just focus on the job at hand – not each other.

After an evening photo shoot, the guests practically have orgasms over their dinner. They ask to meet Ben, who graciously obliges to be worshipped. They even get to sneak in a kiss! (Don’t tell Emily…or that psychic.)

Below deck, Lauren and Kyle talk about who’s crazier: Sierra or Kate? Lauren thinks Kate is a giant b*tch, while Kyle still thinks Sierra is the scarier of the two – like, slice your wang off with an ice pick scary. Meanwhile in the galley, Kate and Ben discuss their mutual desire to murder one another. They laugh hysterically about hating each other with a white hot rage, and this is why I still have mad love for these two despite their drama. They just can’t quit each other! (Hey – screw #Bemily! These two need a killer hashtag. Any ideas?)

The next day, the guests plan to go on a shore excursion while Sierra and Kelley do their best to ignore each other. And Kate does her best not to flip the f*ck out over reminding her crew for the hundredth time of what their jobs are. Whether she actually needed to remind them or not is suspect, though. She’s on edge, and her crew are tired. It’s a recipe for disaster, period.

Speaking of recipes, Ben makes breakfast under the duress of 12-foot swells, about which he complains endlessly. The guests don’t seem to mind eating while their plates slide to and fro though, so it’s all good. Not good is Kelley’s crew asking the interior crew to do their jobs – which Kate immediately corrects Kelley for (it was Kyle who asked Sierra to fill a cooler for him, but Kelley is ultimately to blame as his superior). Kelley uses this opportunity to b*tch about Kate to Kyle, who is his partner in women-hating this episode. Ugh with these two.

As the deck crew prepare to take the guests to the baths, Kate breathes a sigh of relief. Then she goes into micromanagement mode, cleaning each cabin that Emily and Sierra have left unattended. So, that sigh of relief? Gone. Kate confronts her crew about their lack of attention to detail: She wants them to go through all of the cabins again and do what should have already been done. No breaks today either!

Resting B*tch Face is in “code red” now, and Kate plans to keep it that way if Sierra and Emily can’t get it together. And next week’s finale hints that RBF might just be here to stay – at least for one more day!

TELL US: WAS KATE TOO HARD ON THE GIRLS, OR ARE THEY SLACKING? IS THE DECK CREW PICKING ON SIERRA, OR IS SHE TOO SENSITIVE? 

Photo Credit: Bravo

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