Want to ride in style like only orange guidettes can do? Well, now you can! Dust off those leopard print seat covers and the neon rearview mirror furry handcuffs, and get ready to bid on the Jersey Shore'sNicole "Snooki" Polizzi's Cadillac Escalade. Since she no longer needs it to get to and from the Shore, it can be yours if you play your cards right!
The tiny new mom is getting rid of the two year old luxury SUV, but you've only got roughly fifty hours left to take advantage of the sale. All you need is $1000 once you've been deemed the highest bidder, and you've got seven whole days to come up with the remainder of the sales price once the auction is closed. I mean, how cool would it be to get to say you're driving Snooki's former car? Who wouldn't want to drive around in a vehicle with hot pink accents and tire rims? Dare to dream, my friends, dare to dream.
I'm going to be honest. I sometimes miss my guido and guidette fist pumping friends from Jersey Shore. Don't get me wrong, the series needed to end. They were too old to keep partying at the shore, and they had undergone too many life changes. But, we had some really fun times together, didn't we? Nicole "Snooki" Polizzi may have done the biggest 180, starting out as the orangest, drunkest meatball and transforming into a calmer version of her former self when she became a mom.
Thankfully, I can still get a smaller dose of Snooki thanks to the Internet…and usually a small dose is all I need. Snooki is now designing her seventh tattoo that she is getting as a tribute to baby Lorenzo and any other future kids she may have with fiance Jionni LaValle. In fact, she plans on her and Jionni getting matching tats!
Oompah Loompah, Doopity Doo, Snooki wants another baby, it's true! Twenty-five-year-old Jersey Shore star Nicole "Snooki" Polizzi is a new mom to baby Lorenzo with her fiance Jionni LaValle. We watched her pregnancy progress on the final season of JS, and we'll get to the birth on this season of Snooki & JWoww.
Like a good meatball, Snooki wants lots of kiddos with her gorilla juicehead. They seem to make adorable babies together, so I am sure Lorenzo won't have any grenades as siblings.
I'll admit, my fist pumping has turned into more of a fist wrist flick. Not only did the Jersey Shore end, it ended with a fizzle, not a grenade. It was time, and although I love my gross, orange, drunk, poorly dressed friends, that finale was just too tame. Don't get me wrong…I wasn't looking for alcohol infused antics, but these roommates have shown us time and again that they can entertain without being totally wasted. The pranks, rascal races, family dinners, and meatball auditions were hilarious. The series finale was not.
So, earlier last night we watched the end of an overly tanned, liquor-infused, fist-pumping era. I'll admit, while Paula's cake to Mike was ridiculously disgusting and disturbing, I giggled a bit…and for that, I'm ashamed. Even if the house thought it was funny, it wasn't okay. At all. Now, it's time for the Jersey Shore reunion.
We revisit seasons past: t-shirt time, Snooki's initial entrance into the house, and Vinny's faux hawk. The gang jokes about how their random sayings work their way into the conversations of us regular folks before showing a highlight reel of many roommate fights. While they are all about throwing punches and pulling hair, they can laugh it off knowing they were quick to forgive once everyone got sober. For once, Snooki's hair is more orange than her skin. Cue a duck phone montage. Everyone jokes about Mike's final beat down of the poor mallard.
I'm not going to lie, but I've got some tissue on hand for the series finale of Jersey Shore. I always get super teary when shows end…Zack and Kelly's wedding, the final Family Ties, Who's the Boss, and don't even get me started on Friends! However, I can honestly say I've never gotten sad about the end of a reality show. Hopefully, that's the norm. I don't remember getting upset saying good-bye to any of the Real World casts (more like good riddance!), and I barely noticed when my fave Rosie Pope didn't get renewed. However, for some odd and unknown reason, these orange meatballs and gorilla juiceheads are different.
After being accosted by a friend to give the show a chance, I was appalled. Who wears slippers out in public and thinks it's funny to show their Britneys while on the dance floor? What idiots tan every day and use enough hairspray that we may have cause to sue them for global warming? Sadly, I was quickly won over by Nicole "Snooki" Polizzi, Jenni "JWoww" Farley, Vinny Guadagnino, DJ Pauly D Delvecchio, Mike "The Situation" Sorrentino, Deena Cortese, Ronnie Ortiz-Magro, and Sammi "Sweetheart" Giancola. Yes, their antics showed no inkling of decorum or maturity, and yes, I was (and still am) grossed out by many of their actions, but in a world of reality television show where cast mates hate one another, it was beyond refreshing to see this group grow into a legitimate family. I have no doubt that the majority of them will still be pranking each other in the assisted living facility. Hanging out for a day with Vinny and Pauly is on my bucket list. Instead of VPL being code for visible panty line, it would be Vinny/Pauly/Lauren. I digress (what else is new?). On to the recap…I'm wearing my favorite airbrushed tank top, my whitest pair of sneakers, and leopard print track pants. My hand is wrapped around some Ron-Ron juice (kidding, I don't want to die!), and I'm ready to wish these imbeciles well. Do you think it's a coincidence that their show ends the night before many doomsdayers think we're all goners?
The roommates have decided to throw a giant bonfire party on the beach. They plan to invite all of their family and friends to commemorate their final MTV summer together. Pauly and Vinny are in charge of getting wood. Erection jokes ensue. The wood won't fit in their vehicle, so Vinny is forced to wheel it home on the handcart while Pauly follows behind him in the SUV. Classic VP. A party rental place is delivering tables, chairs, and the like. I guess these people can finally afford a legitimate party. They even bring the grill to the beach. Pauly lights the bonfire. Oh yeah, fi-arh, yeah!
Also in attendance last night was LeAnn Rimes. She took some time off from singing about lusting after another woman's husband long enough to ruin what would've been a perfect performance by Carly RoseSoneclar. LeAnn used to have an amazing voice, but this was a trainwreck!
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