For your Friday dose of The Real Housewives of Orange County, we have three weddings and a divorce, and an on-and-off friendship that is apparently back on again. I’m sure I’ll be telling you differently on Monday!
And another Bravo Housewives marriage bites the dust. Lynne Curtin, the cuff selling, non-blinking, exercise fanatic from seasons four and five of RHOC, is planning to divorce her husband Frank. As you recall, the couple famously lived far above their means (which is apparently a qualification to be on the franchise), with Frank hiding the money woes from his wife and two daughters. The couple was even served with an eviction notice while being filmed for the show!
Yesterday Lynne announced, “After more than 20 years of marriage Frank and I have decided to go our separate way. I love Frank but it was time to go out on my own.”
“Who knows what the future holds, but I’m looking forward to doing the things that I want to do,” continues Lynne, adding that she has yet to file for divorce.
In a phone interview with the Orange County Register, Frank stated, “I’m not a willing participant in this. It hurts to even think about it or talk about it. Call me old-fashioned, but I take my vows very seriously.”
Well, it seems Mr. Hallmark has grown tired of filling the tank of Ms. Sugar Mama. Despite Vicki Gunvalson‘s protestations of everlasting love plus a lifetime supply of affirmations and Chicken Soup For The Real Housewives Soul, perhaps Brooks Ayerscan take no more!
RadarOnline is reporting that Vicki’s tanks are running on empty again as Brooks has soured on the relationship because people started poking into his scamming ways. “Brooks is totally at the point of dumping Vicki,” a source reveals.
Unfortunately he has developed a nasty case of famewhoreitis, which as we know from Kim Kardashian is just almost incurable! “Problem is, he really enjoys all the fame and attention that goes with dating her, so looks like he will be hanging on for a little longer to milk it for all it’s worth.” Whoa- I guess he’s also developed a case of Slave Slimeys! Gloaming onto a reality star in the desperate hopes that you’ll procure a spinoff. Sadly, as we’ve learned from Slave it’s just as likely that someone will go digging around into your past and find even more incriminating stuff!
It seems Brooks has left his four children in Mississippi and has been living with Vicki, but her OCD ways are little too much for the walking Nicholas Sparks quotation to bear. “He recently relocated to Orange County to be closer to her and that’s proven to be a complete disaster. He says he feels constantly irritated and annoyed by her and finds her possessive and controlling,” the source dishes. So, when she started buying his clothes three months into the relationship that wasn’t a sign?
“But, he loves being in the spotlight and really wants more fame for himself, and let’s face it, he’s not going to get that if he splits up with her right now.” Conundrum!
On last night’s episode of Real Housewives of Orange County I finally was able to see discernible evidence that Briana Wolfsmith is indeed Vicki Gunvalson‘s daughter. Last night, there were boobs and people acting like boobs, there was wine and people whining, and there was cheese and Brooks Ayers and well…it doesn’t get anymore cheesy than him! I don’t even know what to say about that one – except he isn’t dabombdotcom!
Things began with Vicki and Tamra Barney shopping for new bras. Tamra is excited to get sized for her new titties and is completely disheartened to learn she’s still a D. Apparently European sizes are failing her. whaaa-whaaa. Even more upsetting, Vicki is a DOUBLE F. Yes, FF! For Freaking Frazy!
Vicki and Tamra are in a tizzy until they see how sensational their boobies look in the new bras. Vicki scoffs that she hates really huge boobs, which is why she chastised Tamra for getting a reduction?
Tamra races over to the bridal lingerie section and practically bellows, ‘LOOK VICKI – FOR BRIANA!’ while Vicki is like, ‘shhhhh shhhhhhhhh – I don’t want anyone to know! I’m so embarrassed!’ Tamra reveals Vicki has told her about Briana’s elopement and she understands why Vicki is upset. Then Vicki starts freaking out about how HER life is ruined because SHE doesn’t get to throw a wedding or a shower or buy a dress. And the wedding is about HER! Tamra worries Briana may have made a mistake.
Vicki intones that if she doesn’t support Briana, she will lose her so she has to pretend she is OK with these surprise nuptials. Even though she wants to strangle Ryan – but only once she convinces him to get an insurance policy in Briana’s name. Ok, I made that last part up. Vicki would never strangle anyone. Coto Insurance providing your family and loved ones with IRAs and all your insurance needs!
I can understand Vicki‘s point; a wedding, whether anyone wants to admit it or not, is more than just the bride and every mother does want to plan a dream day for her daughter. Perhaps Vicki is shell-shocked, but I do think she’s over-reacting just a tad. Especially since Briana told her she did in fact want a wedding. Vicki needs to pay a visit to her shrink, get a Xanax Rx and go sit by the pool for a while downing some WinesbyWives approved libations. Then when she’s ready to act normal-ish she can return to society and be supportive.
Moving on, Slave Smiley is strapping on some spandex – hot (not!) – and going for a bike ride with Gretchen Rossi‘s dad. One needs a full-on racing ensemble to cruise around the local park? Good to know… Slave has something very, very important to ask Papa Rossi.
Gretchen is also preparing – she’s been doing so since 8am when she woke up and it’s now lunchtime. She’s getting ready for lunch with Tamra. Good lord – how long do you think Gretchen spends applying make-up and styling her hair each day? It must be in the double digit hours. It takes a lot of time to look that cheap! Gretchen has something to talk to her new bestest friend and closest confidante about.
And she hopes Tamra and Slavey will become close as well. When hell freezes over, friend, when hell freezes over. And ironically that’s about when Gretchen is going to shimmy into a big white dress and waltz down the aisle to bid her ‘I Dos!’ to Slave!
Taking to her Bravo blog, Vicki discusses how she felt in that moment and why her response to the news was so negative. “I had a feeling when we sat down, that something was up. When she told me she and Ryan had got MARRIED in Vegas I felt like I was in a dream. . .or more like a nightmare,” Vicki shares.
“I had only met Ryan one time before and that was before he went on duty. All the while he was on this tour I didn’t even know that they were serious or even for that matter ‘in love.’ She told me she was nervous about putting both feet into their relationship because she didn’t want to be crushed if anything happened to him while he was away.”
Vicki was so devastated by the news her reaction was uncontrollable. “I left the restaurant after the ‘bomb’ was dropped on me, went to my car, and broke down in uncontrollable tears,” she confesses. “The tears lasted for more than a week. It was all the time because I was so confused and sad.”
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Vicki was reportedly surprised at the news, but no doubt thrilled! Briana and Ryan will be celebrating their wedding later this month. The couple eloped in Las Vegas last October. Upon learning the news that they married in a walk up chapel in last week’s episode Vicki was “shocked” and “disgusted.” Hopefully she’s reacted better to the news that she will become a grandmother!
Congratulations Briana and Ryan! We wish you well!
THOUGHTS ON THE NEWS? DO YOU THINK VICKI WAS EXCITED?
Although they originally married on October 23, 2011, the couple is planning to exchange vows again later this month in an intimate Santa Barbara ceremony – and I’m sure the photos will be exquisite! However, Reality Tea has acquired Briana and Ryan’s actual Las Vegas wedding photo!
The couple initially said “I do!” at the Vegas Weddings Walk Up Window. So it wasn’t a drive-thru but a walk-up chapel! Vegas Weddings offers a wide-variety of wedding packages at their lavish chapel but opting for something low-key, Briana and Ryan chose the walk up window.
According to a witness, the couple “didn’t want anything fancy, just to have a very simple ceremony.” And upon receiving their marriage license they walked across the street and tied the knot! A photo of Ryan and Briana after getting married at Vegas Wedding’s Walk Up Chapel is below!
THOUGHTS ON BRIANA’S ORIGINAL WEDDING PHOTO?
CLICK THE CONTINUE READING BUTTON FOR A PHOTO FROM BRIANA’S LAS VEGAS WEDDING!
On last night’s episode of Real Housewives of Orange County there were bombs over Coto. Gretchen Rossi took the stage – or rather was hoisted up there – and bombed. And Vicki Gunvalson received a news bomb that rendered her speechless for the very first time in television history. Really, has anyone ever seen Vicki speechless? Cause I haven’t. The theme of this episode might as well of been ‘Surprise! By Vicki Gunvalson’ because she had all sorts of emotions we’ve never seen before…
Well, it finally happened. Gretchen put on her sequined leotard, hopped on stage, and belted her little song out. She did it in the same manner as a drunk sorority girl at a karaoke bar – she just screamed it into the mic and didn’t even bother with that whole being in tune thing. Right after Alexis Bellino prayed to our Lord Jesus to give Gretchen a voice and a miracle, the World Renowned Dance Troupe known as The Pussycat Dolls took the stage to shove their twats in people’s faces. They’re right up there with the NY Ballet, didn’t you know.
Tamra Barney, whose front row seat gave her quite the eye-full, can now deliver a baby, perform a pap smear, and administer a Brazilian wax all after a five minute performance. The funniest thing about the show was Vicki and Alexis being completely in denial about their significant other’s enjoyment of the PCD gyrations and thrusts. Vicki claimed good ol’ boys from the south have never seen such things. Oh yeah… huh.
Apparently Jim Bellino was just having an awful time! Just the worst. I mean he’d rather be at the church sewing circle. I mean ugh, there were drinks and pussy cat dolls and scantily clad pussies, oh my! I mean, no straight red-blooded man would be interested in that sort of thing. He’d much prefer to be home on the sofa watching HGTV, snuggled up next to Alexis, wearing her breathe-right strip. He was only there as a supportive partner. Uh huh. We all know Jim is not about sin city. I mean he hates vanity, gluttony, greed, sloth, and pride!
A few months ago we were all shocked to learn that not only was Vicki Gunvalson‘s totally down to earth (and surprisingly sane) daughter Briana Wolfsmith engaged, but that she had eloped in Vegas! Tonight Vicki will learn of Briana’s impromptu marriage to Ryan Culberson. For those of you (like myself) wondering if Briana eloped to avoid having her mama micromanage every detail of her wedding; apparently that wasn’t the reason!
Ryan and Briana will be renewing their vows in a lavish wedding ceremony this month – and guess who was on hand to obsess about every detail? Vicki, of course! Star Magazine spoke to Briana about the ceremony and how everything is going now that she’s a Mrs.
Briana and Ryan will be exchanging vows in Santa Barbara on a cliff overlooking the ocean in an late afternoon ceremony, followed by sunset cocktails and an evening reception. “We’re having a live band to kick off the evening’s festivities,” Briana adds.
It took Vicki and Briana six months to plan the ceremony, which Briana describes as intimate. “It’s kind of small. We’re only inviting 75 to 100 people… mostly family and very close friends.” I guess that means Bravo did not receive an invite. I hope! “The only issue I have is that we are over budget,” Vicki reveals. “We are at about $47,000, but who’s counting?”
“We spent a little bit more on food and the venue, which we think is so important. We spent money where it counts.” Well $47,000 is nothing compared to Pandora Todd and Kim Zolciak‘s seven-figure affairs!