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mob wives lipgloss

Well, they are definitely back! Last night's Mob Wives and me thinks the new girls need to learn the pecking order…and fast!

The episode begins as Renee Graziano is taking her shoe line to Alicia DiMichele Garafalo's boutique in hopes that people want to wear stilettos sporting a hand flipping the bird. Why not? The women chat nonchalantly about the upcoming charges facing Alicia's husband who happens to be Renee's lifelong friend. He's warned Alicia not to let Renee get in her into any drama. The women compare new tattoos and talk about Eddie's amazing qualities and his rap sheet…and now Alicia's thanks to her involvement with his business. 

Across town, Drita D'avanzo and Big Ang are partaking in pedis, massages, and gossip over newbie Natalie Guercio and her drunken lunch antics. They are concerned that Renee has gotten so close with someone who may be able to derail her sobriety. Drita then reveals that she has a stalker at her make-up salon who is scaring her employers. Mid-sentence, Renee texts Drita to see if the ladies will join her and Natalie for lunch the following day. Ang is super hesitant to relive another meal with Natalie. 

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mercedes-mj-javid

As if two episodes of Shahs of Sunset in 48 hours isn't bad enough, this one kicks off with Mercedes "MJ" Javid showing off her boobs. Thank goodness Bravo isn't broadcast in 3D. MJ says she's spent thousands of dollars trying to simultaneously keep her boobs under control, cinch her waist, and eliminate back fat - to no avail – so she has decided to design her own bra and shaping garment. MJ "shapes" the air right out her lungs, explaining, "I have the tiniest waist, it's just not being cinched properly."  #delusional

Meanwhile, Jessica is converting to Judaism for Mike Shouhed, although he has yet to propose. Mike and Jessica go through the motions of a traditional Jewish wedding ceremony during class, and Mike starts to sweat. Mike reminds us that he used to be the MVP of Vegas (Most Valuable Persian) and I think about the smug Shahs of Sunset tagline, "We don't work in buildings. We own buildings." Now? Mike rents bus wraps, so he needs to get over himself and put a ring on Jessica's finger before someone else does.

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vpr-recap-lisa

Yesterday the cast of Vanderpump Rules hopped on a parade float to act atrociously on slow-motion wheels. The result was horrific. 

Things begin with Lisa Vanderpump preparing for the annual SUR gay pride parade float which cues the return of Kevin Lee who was remarkably subdued this episode. Did he get a lobotomy or were Stassi Schroder and Scheana Marie too annoying for me to notice? 

Lisa has a meeting in her backyard to let everyone know they'll be impersonating angels on the float – all the boys are wearing Victoria's Secret fashion show cast off wings and Scheana will be shaking her angel-ish-ishy a$$ in a pair of micro-wings. Oh and she'll be singing. "Singing". She's overjoyed. Everyone else dies a slow sinking death. 

Every time Scheana autotunes a note, an angel looses its wings and falls from grace! Lisa holds a staff meeting to inform her little devils that they will be undertaking the acting role of their lifetimes. Oh and to remind everyone that Ariana is here to stay and all the rumors better hush-hush or Lisa will force them all to go to hell, which is Stassi's house when she's out of wine and stabbing her Jax Taylor voodoo doll repeatedly and having flashbacks of her pre-chinplant days. The. Horror. 

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rhobh-recap-joyce

It was the first Real Housewives of Beverly Hills vacation last night and true to form it was like a game of Clue with whodunit and why, with what, where and WTF?

Last night's metaphorical Housewives slayer was none other than Brandi Glanville who could hold neither her alcohol or her tongue. Although she did start out by telling us all the things she likes to do with her tongue or have a tongue to do her when she conducted a little market research for her new book. Yep, sex, wine, and Brandi again… *yawn*

Over at Joyce Giraud's house she's preparing for Palm Springs with a fashion show. Joyce's closet is beautiful. And it houses the entire Golden Girls wardrobe department archives, including several pair of reproduction hibiscus print culottes.

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hip hop erica mena

So last night's Love & Hip Hop was one giant mess, was it not? Peter Gunz keeps getting worse and worse, and the women in his life have got to be the best actresses on the planet because there is no way that they are that stupid. Throw in K. Michelle's attitude, and my head is reeling. You know it's bad when Rich Dollaz and Erica Mena are the sanest folks on the episode!

Saigon invites Erica Jean to the studio to apologize for screaming at her, throwing her pocketbook, lunging at her, calling her every name under the book, and accusing her of stunting their son's development. No biggie. He explains that his father was always so ugly to his mother and it made him hate his dad. He doesn't want his son to see him treating Erica in the same manner. Erica is thrilled that Saigon has seen the light, and he actually rationally and calmly inquires as to whether she'd be alright if they both took their son to see a speech therapist. He knows his son is fine (he's clearly been doing some more googling!), but it can't hurt to see a specialist. Just think of the drama they could have avoided had he done it that way the first time!

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shahs-of-sunset-gay-pride-parade

Shahs of Sunset obviously tried to hitch a ride on the Real Housewives of Atlanta ratings train last night – lucky us! The bonus episode began with Mike Shouhed talking to his brother about Reza Farahan at Club Nur.  Mike says he's disappointed in Reza and thinks it's best for Reza to sit out the club's float in the Gay Pride parade. 

As I expected, Reza lashes out at Mike, "How audacious are you to call me to uninvite me to a disgusting float that's an embarrassment to the gay community. I am disgusted." Reza hangs up on Mike, returns to asking Mirror, Mirror who is the finest gay Persian in all of L.A.

Reza later tells Adam that he's furious with Mike – how dare he be excluded from an event?!?  But Reza had no issues cheering on his co-stars as they uninvited Mercedes "MJ" Javid and Golnesa "GG" Gharachedaghi from trips and parties last season. Reza tells Adam he needs time to decompress, which is code for, perfect a sob story that'll help justify his repugnant behavior.

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rhoa-recap

Last night's episode of Real Housewives of Atlanta was um… well, lemme just say this: they need to get a psychiatrist on that show to deal with all the crazies cause they are multiplying faster than we can keep up. Screw a reunion, let's just call Dr. Phil! 

Things begin with Kandi Burruss discussing Mama Joyce drama with her assistant/BFF Carmon. They're looking at wedding magazines, but they should have been looking at catalogs for mental hospitals! 

Carmon is not happy that Joyce is slandering her all over town by spreading completely baseless rumors that Carmon is sleeping with Todd. All because Todd is hanging in some photos in Kandi's hallway. If I were Todd I would hang the photos of Mama Joyce in the basement - behind the water heater. 

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mike-shouhed-reza-farahan

Last night's episode of Shahs of Sunset was intense – but extremely producer driven. That was beyond transparent. Basically, Adam Neely found a skinnier, cuter, nicer gay Persian to hang out with, and Reza Farahan felt insecure and jealous. Think Mercedes "MJ" Javid meeting Lilly Ghalichi for the first time.

I believe Reza had issues with Sasha,  but I definitely do not believe this was their first ever encounter. I think Reza is a very mean-spirited and disrespectful person, and the producers used it to their advantage this week. 

First up, Mike Shouhed visits a dermatology and hair restoration clinic to find out if his hair needs professional help, as his asshat of a friend Reza has suggested.  Then Mike bring Reza for moral support – Mike doesn't need hair help, he needs brain help.  Reza never stops making fun of Mike.  Mike puffs out his chest and says he's going to shave Reza's head and mustache ("that Burt Reynolds looking mother f–ker") while he's sleeping. Yeah, sure.

So, a doctor examines Mike's full head of thick black hair, then determines he's not balding.  What. A. Nail. Biter.  But the scene wasn't all for naught – we learn Mike suffers from ear dandruff. As well as poor taste in best friends.

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