I don’t know about you, but last night’s parade of bump-its, spray tans, and grown-a$$ women dressed in prom dresses was exactly what I’d expect from the Dance Moms Reunion. As the mothers get dolled up pageant style, we learn that Abby Lee Miller has been texting them constantly, forbidding them from attending the reunion. Of course, when she finds out they are already there, she arrives and silently takes her seat, putting a slew of papers under the cushion.
As the show begins, Abby refuses to speak to anyone because she’s classy like that. I’m thrilled that Jeff Collins dialed back the orange tint in his hair from the last go-round. As the mom take the stage, Jeff rehashes the Nationals upset. Abby holds up a sign that reads, “Fixed!” Jill explains that the competition was orchestrated, and Holly interrupts to say that yes, the awards ceremony was a mess, but they’ve never complained when the ALDC won. No one cries “fixed” then! Jessalyn touts that it made their team seem like sore losers, and suddenly Abby has found her voice with Jill and Melissa co-signing her every word.
Last night’s episode of Real Housewives Of Orange County was psychic friends vs. psychotic love! The real question is – is a psychic really qualified to diagnose the validity of your cancer? Also, Shannon Beador pees herself when she runs – time for Lisa Rinna to get the ladies of RHOC a Depends connect.
Let’s just say this was an episode full of mixed messages – starting with Shannon’s parenting. Shannon’s pre-teen twins were caught toilet papering the neighbor’s house and Shannon is using this as an example of how she and David are a unified front. Shannon has NO tolerance for childhood pranks – she whips out her crystallizing zen goggles and attempts to stare her daughters down with the evil eyedometer set on ‘gentle,’ but her kids merely laugh. Shannon’s daughter Adeline calls Shannon out for being no fun unless she’s drunk and Shanon’s face freezes in a shocked expression.
All good things must come to an end, and such is the case with this season of Love & Hip Hop Atlanta. Last night was the finale episode and like a timeless classic, Joseline Hernandez unleashed her inner wackadoo (we’ve been waiting), and Stevie J. revisited the age-old love triangle that has made this franchise great. Is he revisiting a reconciliation with Mimi Faust? Lil’ Scrappy made an appearance at the Royal Wedding, and, oh yeah, Rasheeda and Kirk Frost were there too.
The episode begins with Jessica Dime insulting Mimi Faust at the showcase Mimi planned with an impromptu performance by Margeaux. After the song, a passive aggressive Mimi compliments Jessica’s song and dismisses Stevie. When Stevie takes offense to Jessica’s diss, Mimi starts to go off on her performer. Security circles in the event that Stevie loses his temper yet again, but luckily he just spews stripper insults. After meeting with a counselor, Kalenna is back in the studio, writing music to help her get through her post-partum depression. Her husband Tony Vick is proud to see his wife working through her struggles, and he hopes she’ll allow him to manage her career again. She’s more excited than when he actually proposed.
Geez Louise! Just the preview for the upcoming season of Don’t Be Tardy gave me the spins–I’d almost forgotten how quickly that theme song infiltrates your brain and refuses to leave! Good thing I still have some of Kim Zoliciak Biermann’s mango sparkling moscato to get me through the premiere. Kidding…if a bottle of wine goes a week (much less a year) in my house without being opened, there’s a reason.
The episode begins with Kim and Kroy wrangling their youngest children as KJ helps their full time chef Tracey. Should I be bothered that Tracey just said “ass” in front of a four-year-old? Brielle enters dressed in her mother’s hand-me-downs from the first season of Real Housewives of Atlanta, and in tow is her boyfriend Slade. Yep, there are at least two of them in Bravoland now! He changed his college plans just so he could stay in Atlanta and be close to his love. The family is celebrating Ariana’s constant string of straight As as Brielle brags about being on the top ten list of most absences. With Kroy as a free agent, everyone is frazzled about the possibility of moving, and the older girls are hellbent on staying in Atlanta.
Albie lives at home again and has now gotten involved in the cannabis business. Which basically means he’s the jerk you crushed on in high school who was popular and hot, but turned into a burnout loser. Vengeance for all of us. Caroline describes Albie as a Type-A perfectionist … so he’s perfecting the art of mooching? She’s delusional.
I think we all can agree that it’s not a party in Santa Barbara until Jackie Christie has bandaged her tongue and Shaunie O’Neal arrives. We learn something each week on Basketball Wives: LA, don’t we? She arrives right after the fight between Mehgan James and Brandi Maxiell. At least Brandi, Mehgan, and Malaysia Pargo are able to sit civilly in the kitchen as they rehash the brawl. Shaunie questions Jackie’s drinking, and Jackie goes off on Draya Michele for being mean to Mehgan.
Shaunie, Malaysia, and Brandi retire to a bedroom to further discuss the fight as Meghan and Draya bond over the realization of Jackie’s craziness. Jackie resurfaces to scream about what a great friend she is to Mehgan. With a manicured nail in Mehgan’s face, Jackie swears she had her back before totally losing it. Mehgan grabs a water bottle to launch at Jackie, and Jackie returns the favor by spitting on her. Nostrils is appalled. It’s one thing to punch somebody, but it’s quite another to be trashy and spit. Jackie packs her bags and calls Doug. He needs to take out bail money if anyone else comes after her. Mehgan feels badly for Doug, citing that he’s probably been with someone else because he couldn’t be faithful to the crazy.
Uh-oh. Jeff Lewis has flipped out on every employee, friend, and contractor in the greater LA area. But on last night’s Flipping Out, he’s had it up to here with Gage Edward’s demands, like where to place couches, and is turning his ire on the ones he loves.
But first, Jeff begins by ragging on Jenni Pulos in the car about forgetting his schedule. Now that Gramercy is sold, his beloved cat Stewie has passed away, and life is a bit chaotic, Jenni surmises that Jeff’s nastiness meter has been ratcheted up to 10. He’s barking at Gage on the phone, so Gage promptly hangs up on him post-rant. Jeff calls back to order Gage that from here on out when they are speaking on the phone, Gage will say “goodbye,” dammit! He and Matt can have their own little hang ups without goodbyes, he says, but they will not engage in such crass behavior with the likes of Jeff Lewis! Dang. Jeff is on a rampage. And it ain’t pretty.
On last night’s Little Women: LA, tension reaches the breaking point between Jasmine Sorge and Tonya Banks. But before they get into it, Tonya is taking Elena Gant out for a spin in her new dream car, purchased with three seasons of bitterness on reality TV! Tonya’s had her car modified for a little person, so she takes advantage of her new ride by driving Elena up to a mountain peak to talk some trash. Elena fills Tonya in on the epic argument that broke out at Jasmine’s party the night before about Briana Manson’s questionable relationship with boyfriend Matt. Elena thinks Briana needs advice and support, but “sneaky a$$ Jasmine” (according to Tonya) is Briana’s only ally at this point.
Brittney “Freakabritt” Guzman is moving into her new house with the help of her friend, Shelby, who is also a little person. They valiantly heave and heft boxes as much as they can before sitting down for a chat break. Brittney knows her gigolo dad will miss her, but it’s time to get her own place. She fills Shelby in on the new circle of girls she’s been hanging with, which includes a few former lovahs of her daddy’s. (That was sort of gross to type.) Christy McGinty, Briana, and – according to Brittney – even marriedElena were tangled up with her Latin playa’ father at some point. To stir up some sh*t, Brittney’s dad recently suggested throwing a barbecue to get all of these ladies together. So they can claw each others’ eyes out?