Recaps

RHOBH season 6 Premiere Recap

The ladies are back and I can already tell the theme of this season’s Real Housewives Of Beverly Hills  will be mustering sympathy for Yolanda Foster‘s campaign for battling Lyme disease.

While Yolanda is permanently convalescing – now in a condo far away from the palace of lemons lightly scented with love and sprinkled with the élan of Grammys – Lisa Vanderpump is getting her workout on. A workout for Lisa includes a personal trainer in the form of LA Dodgers player EJ Ellis. 

Lisa will be throwing the ceremonial first pitch to celebrate LGBT pride at Dodgers stadium and she is super honored plus excited, but nervous. 

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reunion below deck crew

“He’s Captain Lee (Captain Lee, Captain Lee), when you crew for him, you’re working hard as can be. Fool around, you’ll scrub the decks till three. He’s rough. He’s tough. He’s alpha to a tee. Captain Lee…he’s the stud of the sea!” Can I get an “AMEN”?!?

We learned a lot of juicy little secrets on the final installment of the Below Deck reunion, didn’t we? Captain HAROLD Lee Rosbach? Respect! The reunion begins where last week’s left off…galley-gate! Raquel “Rocky” Dakota Bartlow is still accusing Kate Chastain of boozing on the clock when the fire started, and Captain Lee reminds her that former chef Leon “Beef Cheeks” Walker said she was and then admitted that she wasn’t. One way or another, he was lying. Amy Johnson skirts Andy Cohen’s direct question as to whether she’s ever seen Kate drinking on charter by responding that she thinks all of the finger pointing is petty. Andy drops the subject and moves onto my favorite Bravo promo in the history of television. Lee jokes that his wife “has gotten a lot of mileage” out of his “alpha to a tee” persona, and the crew reveals he’s a bit of a celebrity…and his first name is actually Harold, which Andy never knew. Lee’s plethora of colorful metaphors is revisited, with “when you get caught with your tit in the ringer” being everyone’s new favorite. Rocky accuses the Captain of showing support to his chief stew and head bosun, but Amy disagrees. She believes he is there for his entire crew, and Lee is quick to respond he’d lay the smack down on anyone–even Eddie Lucas–if he thought it was necessary.

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Tonight Real Housewives Of Beverly Hills season 6 premieres! Before we get into the new drama – let’s put on our Louboutins for a walk back in time through all the drama from season 5. Obviously Brandi Glanville in her Nine West pumps was trespassing! Good lord did I love last season. LOVED IT. And I just know this season will be just as good! 

Season 5 added Lisa Rinna and Eileen Davidson to the group. The addition of two soap opera stars definitely amped up the drama. After much debate, Lisa Vanderpump returned but struggled with trusting former friends Brandi and Kyle Richards again. Lisa quickly realized out she shouldn’t come within 50 yards of Brandi, but Kyle would do as a ‘Hollywood Friend’. You know what they say: Keep your friends close, your frienemies closer, and your enemies in The Valley! 

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James Kennedy's Two-Timing Is Exposed!

Last night on Vanderpump Rules everyone conspired together to sabotage James Kennedy‘s budding relationship with Lala Kent. Poor Lala – she was the unintended mature person caught in a cesspool of stupidity. 

Things start with Kristen Doute and James officially splitting. He cheated, she possibly cheated because her phone went suddenly silent. James is haunted by Kristen’s past as a two-timing psycho-confidence killer and never feels he can trust her. Imagine that…  

Kristen went home to visit family in Detroit (is that Krazy Kapital of America!?), and James thinks she hooked up with other guys. Sounds like he’s projecting to cover for the fact that he made out with Lala while Kristen was away!  While Big Mama K is away the little beanstalks will play!

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hollywood reunion

Is it possible that I’ve already forgotten half of the story lines from this season’s Love & Hip Hop Hollywood? Thanks goodness that last night’s first reunion installment brought me back up to speed! This time around, Nina Parker is tasked with keeping the cast in check, stirring the pot, rehashing the drama, and getting the heck out of the way when the inevitable messiness begins. She introduces the cast (there are some folks that maybe lasted an episode), and Hazel-E is in desperate need of a bra. Brandi missed the memo that this wasn’t a costume party, so she’s dressed as a fancy ostrich. Nina explains that Omarion and Apryl Jones were not able to join their co-stars because they have way more sense than this crew Omarion needs to focus on his music. 

Princess and Ray-J’s turbulent romance is the first story line to be recapped. Ray admits he’s made a lot of mistakes, and Princess is happy to share that the charges against her have been dropped after that whole “Ray-J let me get arrested” fiasco. She reveals that the pair is engaged after Ray popped the question on the finale. Teairra Mari interjects that Ray has TMZ on speed dial, so it’s the perfect segue into Teairra’s two-faced ways with the couple. Teairra takes offense to Ray’s accusation that she was only interfering to get him back in her bed. She calls him a liar, but she fails to come up with another logical reason for inserting herself into their relationship.

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Mike Shouhed's mistress bares all!

Earlier this month Jessica Parido, Mike Shouhed‘s wife of 8 months, filed for divorce. The reason: Mike’s incessant cheating! After discovering scandalous texts and messages from other women, Jessica learned Mike had been cheating throughout their entire relationship!  About a year ago, Mike’s (alleged) former mistress, Emerald Wilson-Bey, came forward by writing a book, My Nights With The Shah: How Not To Date A Celebrity, which detailed her racy affair with the Shahs Of Sunset star!  We’ve “sat” on this for a while, waiting for the right time to share the details and allegations from the book.

Emerald, a high-end real estate agent specializing in ‘pocket listings’ and relocation services, initially met Mike when she was on a work trip in Beverly Hills. Emerald imagined their passionate connection would translate into both sex and success! Detailing their steamy nights in the upper echelons of Beverly Hills, Emerald envisioned them becoming a power couple – instead she quickly realized Mike wasn’t nearly as single as he pretended to be. Funny how reality television exposes people’s private lives… 

Below we share some of the highlights from Emerald’s salacious story, including Mike’s reaction to learning she was writing a book, how Bravo discovered her existence, and if Jessica knew! 

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Cynthia & Porsha argue at Kenya's boat party

All aboard the S.S. Krayonce for Bravo’s version of the Titanic, with far less hearts going on and a lot more going off on others. Last night on Real Housewives Of Atlanta a 3 hour cruise went horribly wrong and some Housewives panicked under pressure. It was every Housewife for herself with only unlimited booze, bikinis, and some very extra ‘Friends’. 

Before all that Kenya Moore decides to be neighborly by walking over to Chateau Sheree where Sheree Whitfield is sweeping the front porch. What type of so-called exclusive, upscale neighborhood has a highway running through it? Highway 666 judging by the neighbors! 

Kenya marvels at the size of Chateau Sheree and tries to barge in, but can’t open the door. Did Sheree get She By SheVicted?! To distract her, Sheree demands, “Where my cookies at?!”  

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Alexei-Loren-Argument-90-Day-Fiance

Our K1 Visa is almost up, folks! On this week’s special 2-hour episode of 90-Day Fiance, the couples find their impending doom wedding days drawing closer, and this sh*t is getting really…realLoren’s world, in which Alexei is currently taking up precious closet space, is all about her bachelorette party right now. Her friend, Sarah, and other gals are flying in to take Loren out for some drunken debauchery before the Big Day. Alexei is not thrilled with the prospect of his fiance turnt up and on the loose, noting that “drunk girls aren’t very smart.”

Sarah doesn’t do a stellar job of reassuring a nervous Alexei. She doesn’t like his sour demeanor, but on the plus side, she’s glad he’s tall! Loren promises to behave herself, but Alexei warns, “No strippers!” before she leaves anyway. Alexei says he trusts Loren, but his imagination is getting the best of him in this situation. My imagination is getting the best of me too as I picture Loren and 1,000 screeching girls taking over everyone’s favorite bar with glow sticks, toilet-paper veils, and penis-straws. Then getting promptly kicked out. 

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