Recaps

IF

Unlike contestant and television writer David Wright, I’m ready for Survivor!  The 90-minute Premiere Episode of Millennials vs. Gen-X blew in like a tropical storm just upgraded to a cyclone, and in its wake it scattered a number of likable castaways all over the island, representing two of the most annoying generations of America (I belong to one of them, so I can say this).  The “Survivor culture war” was on and within the first day, battle lines were drawn.

So let’s not take any short-cuts, even if Jeff Probst offers us any.  We’re about to dig right into Episode 1 of Survivor: Millennials vs. Gen-X…and because this is a “recap,” that means that I’m either assuming you saw the episode, or you are wanting to know what happened.  I’ll always try to keep headlines and the first few paragraphs “spoiler free,” but spoilers are definitely coming if you haven’t yet seen the episode.  We’ll assume this pertinent information moving forward through the seasons.  So with that…

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Little Women: Atlanta recap

Little Women: Atlanta focuses on motherhood this week – the good, the bad, and the pukey.

With baby Aubrey still in the NICU, Amanda and Andrea Salinas head to the gym with Minnie Ross to work off some of those bad vibes from the psychic dinner gone wrong. Minnie feels like the psychic was a fake but right on cue, the lights in the gym go out. Minnie is spooked but the real issue here is that The Other Twins stirred up drama yet again and Minnie is pissed Ms. Juicy jumped on the opportunity to question her miscarriage. I would like to think, along with Minnie, that issue has been put to bed, but Ms. Juicy isn’t about to give up that bone.

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Little Women: LA recap

After Christy McGinity brought her new trusty sidekick, Plastic Martyr, to Tonya Banksphoto shoot last week, the ladies of Little Women: LA are pretty much done with her. Christy was attempting one last Hail Mary to get these women to understand how much of a dirt bag Briana Renee’s hubby, Matt Ericson [Grundhoffer], was and continues to be. (Although I truly don’t think anyone needs further convincing. WE GET IT.)

Despite her motives – which were decent – Christy’s delivery left a whole lot to be desired. She’s desperate. And, like grandma says, desperation is the worst perfume! The whole scene pretty much stinks, stank, stunk. Now it’s time to rehash that mess as the ladies gather this week for Elena Gant’s surprise birthday party. Because, what’s a LWLA event really worth if it doesn’t sport a few murder threats and potential lawsuits? Happy birthday, Elena!    

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Don't Be Tardy recap

OK, Don’t Be Tardy fans, last night was all about getting a crash course in what it means to be a free agent in the NFL. In layman’s terms (if you’re Brielle, please Google what layman’s terms means before going any further) a free agent is a player who is not signed to one particular team. In short, a player who is on the market, playing the field, trying to get that next gig, like Tracey on Tinder.

Guiding us on this little lesson will be the ever-optimistic Kroy Biermann (our free agent) and his still-not-totally-on-board-but-says-she-is wife, Kim Zolciak Biermann, as they go to meet with Kroy’s agent, Buddy. Normally, Kroy not being signed to a team would be stressful but since Kim’s stroke, she looks at the unknown of free agency as one big adventure. Unless that adventure involves living in Green Bay. Or Buffalo (haha!). Or having to live in someone else’s house with their furniture and toilet (paging Teresa Guidice for some much needed foreshadowing).

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Below Deck Recap

Last night’s Below Deck proved that old habits die hard. Case in point number one: Ben Robinson and Kate Chastain face off yet again amidst pressure to cook not one but TWO dinners for some difficult charter guests. Ben‘s irritability was no doubt triggered by other cooking matters though, as he spent a good deal of the charter making food for a dog. Yes, apparently Fido needs haute cuisine!

Case in point number two: Trevor Walker is a sloppy drunk who insults everyone and makes an a$$ of himself while Kelley Johnson practically tears his hair out trying to manage him. So, all is ship-shape up in here, Cap’n!

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Dance Moms minis

With the Dance Moms finally (FINALLY!) getting along and forming an alliance in the wake of Abby Lee Miller’s indifference for the elite team, Lifetime had to do something to stir up some additional drama. Enter the mini team with mothers who may be even battier and more hungry for fame than the veteran ladies. Last night, the little rump shakers came back with a vengeance, and their daughters were right there with them! 😉 I guess this means I have to make an effort to learn the mini moms’ names. Bear with me.

As the episode begins, Jill passive aggressively greets her her mini mother counterparts. “Oh, isn’t she the cutest?” while staring darts at a six-year-old…you know the drill! The veteran moms explain the recent antics surrounding Abby’s behavior, and Holly is hopeful that this week Abby will be able to balance giving the proper attention and direction to both teams. That wish is quickly dashed as Abby hobbles into a studio using a walker. She has recently had knee surgery, and while she’s in a lot of pain, she’s excited about the painkillers she’s been prescribed. This should be fun! At pyramid, Nia is present but sick with strep throat. How miserable! Before she reveals the order of the pyramid, Abby introduces Lilly and her mother Stacey. Stacey is a psychologist whose daughter has wanted to be an ALDC member since she was a newborn. Hmmmm. Does someone need a bit of self-reflection? Holly demands an apology for flipping the bird, and she takes it as a good sign when Abby concedes. 

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Shannon and David

Yikes was last night’s Real Housewives Of Orange County a mess! We all know Bravo loves a family drama, but David’s mother-in-law covertly, sniper from the side-style, attacking Shannon Beador while roaming the crowd at a place called The Blue Beet during her granddaughters’ rock star debut… Well, even I’m shocked!

There was a lot of ridiculous this episode. Vicki Gunvalson being utterly baffled that her children consider her a high-maintenance nightmare? Ridiculous! Tamra Judge truly believing herself a ‘peacemaker’. RIDICULOUS! Shannon micro-mom-aging her preteen daughters rock rehearsal, then taking OVER the microphone during practice to demonstrate for them. Ridiculous!

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Real Housewives of New Jersey recap

Season 7 of Real Housewives Of New Jersey continues to center around the transformation of Teresa Giudice. Flashbacks to the season 4 reunion feature an enraged Teresa, morphed into TreHulk – bright green dress and all! – screaming into Kathy Wakile‘s face, contrasted with a post-prison Teresa, calmly explaining that she’s just “not ready” to deal with the emotional weight of rebuilding her relationships with her cousins. Instead, it is Rosie screaming in frustration.  

It exemplifies a point that no one on Real Housewives of New Jersey seems to understand until it is way too late: no matter how much you want it so, no matter how much you regret your actions – from the person you married, to the words you said, to all the money you shouldn’t have spent – you can’t erase the past. In the immortal words of Cher, “If I could turn back time/If I could find a way/ I’d take back those words that hurt you…” 

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