Last night onLadies of Londonthe famewhores separated from the literal ladies (as in titled ladies) and the cream rose to the top, while the rest skimmed through the tabloids.
It's the seasonal opening of the Serpentine Gallery which is compared to the Oscars, as in the British version of, but I think it's mostly similar to our MET Gala. You know the one Kim Kardashian attended wearing a sofa from 1985. Anyway, she hasn't besmirched the British equivalent yet, but give her time and also there are many in her stead. For instance, Caprice who wore a dress bedecked with sequined cockroaches.
Oh Caprice. Caprice has found herself in an intriguing predicament. She is currently 7 months pregnant, but since she believed she was incapable of carrying a child she hired a surrogate in the states – and that surrogate is 8 months pregnant! At the same time Caprice got pregnant naturally. So Caprice is pretty much having twins from different mothers. She is thrilled for a couple reasons: 1) the obvious delight of having two children 2) the obvious delight of being able to sell these stories to the press for top dollar.
Last night on Real Housewives of Orange County a certain Heather Dubrow got a taste of her own medicine. No, I don't mean she was forced to wear Target clothing, I mean Tamra Barney shanked her with some petty, made up reasons to hate while at a party and Heather became the new Gretchen is the new Alexis. Stage an intervention to call someone fake, wind up in an intervention being told you're fake (and condescending!).
See, it's a dog eat dog world that Andy Cohen created and you have stab someone with storyline drama before they can stab you. Alas Heather considered Tamra her a 'real' friend. Boy was she wrong, because you can't teach an old dog new tricks. But at least Vicki Gunvalson behaved decently… for a change!
Last night's Love & Hip Hop: Atlanta highlighted the opening of Stevie J.and No-Neck's new venture…and I am going to venture a guess that we didn't even see the tiniest portion of the real drama that occurred that night! Sleazy and Zino's Bistro and Bar is becoming an actuality. Stevie and Benzinohave brought their ladies to check out the space. Joseline Hernandez has grand plans to perform at the club once a week–maybe nightly–because everyone loves seeing what she has to offer. She bonds with Benzino's new love Althea, warning her that KarlieRedd will be back for No-Neck's money given the opportunity. The women laugh over the fact that Althea used to "hang with" Mimi Faust's sex tape co-star back in the day. I just don't get what is so appealing about Nikko. Joseline has heard that Althea gets around, so this news isn't surprising to her. Across the space, Sleaze and Zeen toast to their nightlife endeavor, and Benzino reveals his grand plans to propose to Althea. I cannot get to Atlanta fast enough to belly up to the bar at this magnificent establishment.
Rasheeda's grand plans to make Kirk Frost jealous with a girls' trip to New Orleans are quickly deteriorating. Kirk doesn't think that his wife needs to be out partying when she should be home tending to their son. At least he's finally claiming paternity! Rasheeda can't understand why it was perfectly fine for him to have a threesome at Benzino's cabin, but she can't take off for Mardi Gras for a few days. The couple is taking son Karter for a check-up, and Kirk wants the doctor to tell Rasheeda just how bad it is for her mother to kiss Karter on the mouth. The doctor shares that young babies are definitely receptive to germs, and she discourages them from allowing anyone to kiss the baby on the mouth. Perhaps she should also warn Kirk that it is probably unsanitary for Karter to be chewing on his gold chain as well.
The episode starts with Khloe talking about her divorce and how she is handling it. Her description of how she is dealing with it sounds a lot like denial. Khloe decides jumping on her trampoline and hanging out at Casa de Kris is the best way to combat an ugly divorce, that and constantly referencing how her va jay-jay is trying to swallow her itty bitty daisy dukes. Yes Khloe, we’ve all seen your camel toe. Side note: did Khloe just say Kim looks like Paula Abdul? Poor Paula, she doesn’t deserve that.
Kandi Burruss' ideas about planning a wedding in 5 weeks are as crazy as Joyce's ideas about, well, anything – but most specifically Todd Tucker. Last night was illuminating because it seems Mama Joyce gave Kandi's father Titus 'The Todd Treatment' way back when they were married! So let's dive right in – it's juicy, but in the manner of a car crash or Lindsay Lohan wandering around Rodeo Drive sans panties.
Kandi meets her dad for dinner to see if he'd be willing to officiate her ceremony. He is of course in agreement. Kandi reveals that for many years following her parents' divorce Titus, now a pastor, was barely around and she did not see him for years. And it turns out that likely has everything to do with V For Vendetta: The Mama Joyce Modus Operandi.
So we've got a new opener for Sister Wives…not the words, but at least the outfits. That's a plus right? Some wives are happy while the others are doing what they should be doing…freaking out at the revelation that they are in this polygamist situation while cameras watch…
Several children and Meri Brown are celebrating their birthdays. If you ever have enough children to infringe on your special day MORE THAN ONCE, I'd venture to say you're having too many children. Kody Brown is grilling out for the birthdays, and in anticipation of his birthday and his anniversary with Janelle. Christine could care less about birthdays, she just wants to grow My Sister Wives Closet with some investors. Gracious. There are people who want to put their money into this situation? Christine is channeling her inner Martha Stewart when thinking about what "their brand" can accomplish.
Kody and his hair are stressing about his wife house jumping, and Robyn Sullivan Brown is all about Kody bonding with her kids. Robyn and Kody bicker about her son having Aspergers. She wants to do what's best for him, while Kody thinks it was a ridiculous diagnosis. Let's forget about that gem for a bit, because there are a lot of birthday and anniversary celebrations to tend to in the meantime. Meri loves Keith Urban and she does everything in her power to straighten Kody's hair so he can be the Australian prototype she wants. At least line dancing is good for something!
I just want to get out of the way that Aviva Drescher's father George is disgusting. Now Ramona Singer is no slouch when it comes to inappropriate comments and unfathomable rudeness, but at least Pinot mostly restricts her mouth to inserting her pinot-soaked foot in it and spilling out gaffes of astonishing social ineptitude. George, on the other hand, takes it to the level of grotesque and I am frankly insulted that Bravo expected viewers to enjoy that.
In the midst of George and Ramona's argument last night on Real Housewives of New York, she was matched level-for-level with him in trashy, inappropriate comments, although Ramona's comments are as inappropriately lewd in terms of insulting rudeness as George's are in insulting sexual harassment. I'm not going to really repeat what was said save for the fact that if I were Ramona I'd be contacting the EEOC about harassment in the workplace! Yuck and yuck and more yuck!
It would have been nice if one of these two self-righteous hubris-obsessed blowhards could have taken the highroad instead of mutually sinking to an abhorrent level, but alas… not gonna happen right? In other news Sonja Morgangot drunk – send a press release!
Last night was the series premiere of Ladies of London. I'm interested, although I wish there were more Brits than Americans living in London. I deal with enough American famewhores, I want to learn about some international ones!
Right away we meet the doyenne of the franchise Caroline Stanbury. Caroline is authentic British aristocracy and royalty. She owns and runs a luxury concierge service and lives in a massive home down the street from Brangelina. She's fabulously British and serves as the show's narrator of all things Brit and Class. I imagine her holding a clipboard, Burberry cat eyes perched on her nose, as she scores all the infractions of social impropriety. Basically you can tell within 6 seconds of her meeting the American caste of her class that she regrets getting involved in this nonsense and feels it's her duty to separate herself in everyway possible from their gauche behavior.