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Bachelorette

Leave it to Ashley "Build-A-Bear" Hebert to buck the system when it comes to wedding etiquette.  Seriously, someone get this girl an Emily Post book stat!  No, I'm being too hard on Ashley and her fiancé J.P. Rosenbaum.  I should be applauding the Bachelorette pair for actually making it down the aisle given the curse that seems to plague all relationships born of the Bachelor franchise.  Did you know that out of twenty-four seasons there have been twenty-one engagements that failed?  I mean, yes, two of those engagements belonged to both Brad Womack and former flame Emily Maynard, but those odds aren't good!  My math is bad…I realize that Emily's engagement to Brad doesn't factor in, but I feel like it is worth mentioning.  Lots of failed relationships!

Of course, when Chris Harrison talks about the most dramatic rose ceremonies ever I never thought that he would try to orchestrate the most dramatic televised wedding ever.  I don't know whether to be disgusted or proud for what will surely be Bachelor Pad style television.  Slow clap, Mr. Harrison, slow clap.

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Wow! Bachelorette bad boy Kalon McMahon and Bachelor sweetheart Lindzi Cox are the last Bachelor Pad 3 couple standing! Many Bachelor Pad fans were shocked to witness Kalon and Lindzi form an immediate connection. In fact, the two were so connected, they barely played the game. 

Kalon and Lindzi have kept things quiet, but they're still very much together. Unlike Tony Pieper and Blakeley Jones, who got engaged before the cameras stopped rolling, moved in together immediately, and broke up just a few months later, Kalon and Lindzi are taking things slow. Following the Bachelor Pad, Kalon moved from Houston to L.A. and helped launch Givebones, a company that sells dog products online and donates ten percent of its profits to animal shelters and charities. Lindzi still lives in Seattle.

When asked about the relationship, Kalon said, "[Long-distance relationships] are difficult. I did one once and I told myself I’d never do it again. But here we are … We’re giving it a shot. We’ll see what happens. She’s wonderful."

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It's going to be the most dramatic holiday season ever…I hope you read that in your best Chris Harrison voice!  Not only do we have dirt on tiny Bachelorette Ashley Hebert's wedding to J.P. Rosenbaum (anyone want to do an over-under?  I'm calling two years), but we have an inside look at newest Bachelor dud Sean Lowe's final four.  I'm starting to think that ABC is behind leaking some of this gossip so that the franchises will remain relevant.  After all, Courtney Robertson and Ben "Flannel" Flajnik's break-up isn't going to carry us through until 2013. 

Ashley and J.P. will be following in the footsteps of the original Bachelorette couple Trista and Ryan Sutter.  Not only are they getting married, but they're doing so in a two hour televised ABC special.  Is that part of their contract?  #rhetoricalquestions  Also, we have some spoilers, so if you don't want to skip ahead 9+ episode's of Sean's Bachelor season and make your own betting pools, consider yourself forewarned.

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I'm sure no one is surprised to learn that approximately five seconds after being dumped by Ben Flajnik, his ex-fiance unleashed the crazy that millions of viewers observed on The Bachelor

Courtney Robertson is not only reportedly writing a tell-all about her experiences on the show and with Ben, but she's been out and about complaining about him and slamming him left and right in the press. For all -2 of you who didn't think Courtney was a famewhore looking for her big ticket to stardom before this, her post-breakup behavior pretty much dispels any lingering myth.

In addition to all that nonsense, Courtney has taken a liking to hometown Phoenix-native and fellow Bachelor Nation alum, Arie Luyendyk Jr. Apparently Courtney's behavior has rubbed off on poor too cute for words Arie. 

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Like anyone actually thought Courtney Robertson from dull Ben Flajnik's season of the Bachelor would fade quietly into obscurity…

The Los Angeles based "model" is speaking out about her failed engagement to the wine making dud.  She blames the fantasy-like dates and sheltered existence during filming as part of the problem.  Wait, really?  So you're saying that falling in love in eight weeks while jet setting, swimming with dolphins, and private concerts isn't real life?  Wow.  Color me floored. 

No one really believes that Courtney would have fallen for Ben and his unfortunate hair and Oliver Twist-ish wardrobe in real life, right?  I have to say, I almost respect her more for kind of acknowledging that fact.

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Not too long ago, Dancing with the Stars pro Cheryl Burke expressed interest in being the next Bachelorette. But, when Cheryl started dating hockey pro Joffrey Lupul over the summer, she dropped the issue.

The last we heard, ABC wanted Emily Maynard back for Bachelorette 2013. Emily has yet to respond to ABC's invitation. However, according to one source, a second season is not likely. "Emily tried something new, dating Jef," Emily's pal explained to US Weekly. "She is going back to what she knows and considers safe." That Emily… she really gave the regular folk a try, but it just didn't work out. 

Now, it sounds like Emily has found a new man to play the role of husband in her made-for-TV wedding on her own. Over the weekend, Emily was reportedly spotted out on a date. Her date, Jason White, is a Nascar (ie, known and safe) truck racer. "They were all over each other," a source said. "Jason guided her through the crowd and held her hand as they walked downstairs." 

Now that princess Emily is otherwise engaged and Cheryl is single again, wil Cheryl get the gig?

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Looks like a Bachelor / Bachelorette version of The Brady Bunch, doesn't it?  Well, except for the big red slash through Jef Holm's picture, I guess.

About that No Jef Holm picture… it seems as if someone took the time to create a "Jef Holm's Ex" Twitter page. She (we're guessing) claims to be "one of the many ex GFs of Mr. Bachelorette Jef Holm" and has made it her mission to "warn" the young girls of America that Jef isn't worth the "heartache." 

Honestly, this is why I love this job. I could not make up stuff like this. 

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I know you all still believe in the power of the Bachelor and Bachelorette franchise to find true love, given as it's happened so often!  There are countless examples of how couples have come together, forever, thanks to fairy tale romance, a booze-infused mansion, Chris Harrison, and no hint of the real world.  Works every time!

The most recent couple to find a match made in heaven is Emily Maynard and Jef Holm.  Oh, who am I kidding?  If they can't even bother to keep up the charade, why should I try?  These shows are ridiculous, yet I cannot turn away.  I am obsessed…and even though some insiders are spilling some of the shows' secrets (and by secrets, I mean exactly what you thought producers were doing behind the scenes), I will still be glued to my television when Emily looks for love for the ninth time.

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