Last night tables turned wildly onVanderpump Rules when one drunken girl proved that loose lips do in fact sink friendships of convenience with co-workers you don't really like!
Before any of that happens we are treated to the tragic sighting of Stassi Schroeder's a$$. No, no I didn't write "Stassi being an a$$" or "Stassi is an a$$", but literally Stassi's a$$. She spread her cheeks for a bikini waxing. Decency is dead, folks! Apparently the best way to cleanse yourself of the ex you don't really want back but want to keep manipulating is to go hairless!
Stassi makes Katie Maloney go with her but Katie has never waxed. Katie never will again. It's taken me forever to figure out why Katie, whom I refer to as Anonymous Stassi Schroeder Friend No. 1, would dye her hair that unflattering color – and then it hit me. She's literally trying to be Stassi. Same hair style (but shorter), same side part, same color-ish, same mean girl antics. #FalseIdol
Don't stop believin' in fame mongers' creativity! FormerReal Housewives of D.C. and White House gate crasher Michaele Salahi has fulfilled every little girls' wedding fantasy by marrying an 80's rock star…on Pay-Per-View.
Michaele and Journey guitarist Neal Schon wed Sunday in front of family, friends, and whoever was dumb enough to pay $14.95 to watch the entire scene go down on television. Granted, a portion of the viewing price went to charity, but still. Is this what we're coming to as a society? Don't answer that…
Do you have a ten-year plan? I do, and it involves a bestselling novel turned blockbuster movie starring Ryan Gosling…and a relationship with Ryan Gosling. Hey girl, it could happen!
Kim Kardashian also has hopes for where her life will be in a decade. Fear not, it will likely still be playing out in front of our eyes as I can't imagine this family has any plans to leave E! anytime soon. Kim recently revealed that she'd like to have two more children with Kanye West. Of course, the family will need an East and a South as siblings for baby North.
Things begin with Dinner Party From Hell 8.0. Kyle Richards and Yolanda Foster are agreeing to disagree by disagreeing when Brandi Glanville stares Kyle down with an unfocused glare and some threatening, slurry words about how she could say a lot of bad things about Kyle. Bad, bad things. Like for real mean stuff.
Lisa Vanderpump warns her to knock it off, but "know this" Brandi sees things. Weren't you just waiting for her to whip out that electronic cigarette?! Brandi was a wreck and needs: blotting papers, powder, detox, a nap, water, psych drugs, to get off my TV.
Instead, the Neenster comes up with a hilarious new nickname for Phaedra Parks. No, it's not the Head Doctor…that's so last week! This week, NeNe has dubbed Phaedra the "mortician of manners" after showing up three hours late to leave for the girls' trip to Savannah. I think I would have left her donkey booty.
"Tonight's show is a continuation of my drunken dinner last week,I was drunk 1.5 times during our 5 months of shooting,Im super embarrassed," Brandilies!OMG LIES said. "I can barely watch it for 2 reasons -1 my drunk ass (not cute)Thnks @CarltonGebbia13 4 taking care of me& 2 my baby Chica goes away forever"
Brandi also insists she doesn't need rehab and that despite many, many, many, many reports of her drunken disorderlies, along with a slew of photos, and video footage to prove it.