Last night we were treated to two full hours of Abby Lee Miller and Lifetime's Dance Moms. Not only were social issues tackled, Melissa found a very blinged out wedding dress and Abby went on a date with a former stripper. Good times, y'all!
The girls are back in the studio, and Kelly is wearing her finest bondage attire. Abby isn't thrilled with all of the second place finishes, but she's much calmer than normal. She says that everyone needs to be knocked down a few pegs…even Maddie. Abby isn't going to yell this week, she just feels that clearly the girls don't want to be winners. It is what it is. Passive aggressive Abby is almost worse than screaming Abby! MacKenzie is at the bottom of the pyramid for allowing eleven looming points to come between her and the dancer who placed in front of her. Nia is next, with Abby content on blaming the fact that Nia was sick…and therefore sloppy. An also sloppy Paige finishes out the bottom. Maddie is on the second tier for bobbling, and the poor girl fights back the tears. Kendall is one above Maddie thanks to Jill's cut throat tactics. Holly is quick to say that she'd rather have her daughter low on the pyramid than utilize Jill's dirty tricks. Brooke is on the top, and while Kelly is thrilled, Abby reminds her that she has a target on her back. A timid Chloe raises her hand to ask about her placement. Abby explains that Chloe is still suspended, and she hopes that Chloe will realize that her mother is her biggest enemy when it comes to dance. Good times!
The group dance is called "Don't Ask, Just Tell" and is based on the policy of gays in the military. That's some pretty heavy subject matter, right? Brooke, Kendall, and Maddie get solos. Abby dismisses the girls and calls the moms onto the dance floor. She decides to yell at them for wanting a sweet dance teacher instead of someone who creates winners. The mothers then give their daughters a pep talk in the hallway. Abby enlists the girls into a boot camp. She wants blood, sweat, and tears…literally!
In the viewing room, Melissa admits that she's been looking for honeymoon destinations. Christi notices that her friend is wearing a wedding band. Melissa dodges questions as to whether she's already married, and the women joke about times in the past that they've tried to help Melissa plan her wedding. Why bother…they aren't invited! The moms are confused as to why Abby chose this theme for the group dance. Christi thinks this is Abby's way of showing support for the gay community. Holly vocalizes that she doesn't find it fair that Jill was praised for her sneaky ways. The other moms tend to agree with Holly, and Jill makes loads of excuses for her behavior. She's no longer going to hide the fact she'll do whatever to get her daughter to the top.
Everyone involved with Real Housewives of Miami have got to be considered major pioneers. From the "ladies' to the producers to the camera crew, this is one scrappy group of reality television minded people. After the first season's disaster (who wants to watch bee-otchy pseudo socialites take boring cooking classes?), the show was back with a vengance…and a revamp.
Now, as the South Beach staple of Bravo's franchise heads into it's third season, it's making even more changes. On the cast? Perhaps, but that's not what I'm here to tell you about today. No, instead the production crew is focusing on an entirely new way to film the women of RHOM as they engage in their drama, fur shaming, and Girls Gone Wild antics.
The pregnant celeb was out and about in L.A. filming the new season of Keeping up with the Kardashians. Kim got pulled over (by the regular police, not the fashion ones) for having her windows tinted too dark – a scripted for-the-show set up, perhaps?
Immediately after her police encounter, Kim was spotted gassing up the SUV in this "sophisticated" outfit.
First, Catherine and Lindsay meet Sean's family, and Sean hopes his family's input will give him some much needed clarity.
Catherine is a ball of nerves and fights the urge to put up her guards. Catherine admits to Sean's family that she went into the Bachelor feeling skeptical, adding, "I didn't know how much I would learn about myself or that I would have feelings like this. It's beyond comprehension."
I know I sound like a broken record with every recap of Teen Mom 2, but these girls are a broken record, so it's technically not my fault. Jenelle Evans keeps going back to Keiffer (and weed), and Chelsea Houska just can't get Adam's name from escaping her mouth every two seconds. Leah Messer Simms Calvert can't make up her mind between Corey and Jeremy, and Kailyn Lowry can't contain her growing jealously for Jo's girlfriend Vee. It's the exact same thing every week…except they are wearing different PINK sweat pants! Let's get started dishing on last night's episode, shall we?
Not surprisingly, Jenelle hasn't seen Jace or Barbara since she got off probation. She and Keiffer are happy to be back together and smoking up a storm…even though she's trying to keep things under control. Yeah, right. She asks him what will be different this time around, and he assures her that it won't. Um, what? Kidding! He's been in jail, and she's gone to rehab. They have grown up so much. Jenelle still wants to take things *slow.*
Kailyn and Jo are heading back to court to discuss custody. She doesn't want Vee around Isaac. Ever. I hope the judge kicks Javi to the curb if he agrees to that. Could she want a bigger double standard? Jo calls to reveal that he is moving to New Jersey to be closer to work, but it won't affect any of the drop offs or custody arrangements. He plans to stay with his parents whenever he has Isaac. Kailyn sullenly reminds him that she will NOT drive an extra hour to accommodate his new living arrangement. Jo politely reminds her that she won't have to…wasn't she listening thirty seconds ago? He is also unsure whether Vee will be moving in with him. Oh gracious! Again, I love how Kailyn threatened to move to Texas so Jo wouldn't get to see Isaac often, yet Jo moving an hour away and changing nothing is so horrible. Plus, hasn't she been complaining that he needs to move out of his parents' house? At his new apartment, Jo shares his frustrations about Kailyn with Vee. Jo isn't ready for Vee to move in yet. Is he the most mature one on the show?
Oh dear! We're on Real Housewives War, Vol 2 million. Last week comedian Chelsea Handler had a rather lackluster and brutal appearance on Watch What Happens Live. She openly told Andy Cohen that his brainchild, The Real Housewives franchise, was awful.
"I think that franchise is kind of a terrible thing," Chelsea remarked to Andy. "Women shouldn't be making money off of the fact that they have fake books, fake vaginas, fake whatever. I actually don't support that."
When Andy reminded her that she'd had some Housewives as guests, Chelsea quickly clarified she had "one," Bethenny Frankel. "Not even Brandi Glanville," Chelsea pointed out.
"I love the Housewives," Chelsea quipped sarcastically. Ironically for someone complaining about how fake the Housewives are, Chelsea dear has had a whole lotta botox. Dang girl – surprised you can move that mouth slapped into the middle of a too-tight shiny face.