Last night Hurricane Jim hit the shores of Florida (well Boca anyway) and he destroyed all Real Housewives Of New Jersey stars in his wake. Teresa Giudice must have had advance notice that dirty secrets were going to be strewn far and wide which is why she stayed home to color pitchurs, mispronounce her own last name, and respond to texes.
Things started out innocently enough. The Florida division of the RHONJ ladies went swampin’ in their most appropriate of appropriate boat shoes: high heels. Those twins – they sure know how to work a look. #sarcasm On the gator farm, Dina Manzo meets her future pet soulmate: a tailless baby alligator whom she smuggles into her purse and clutches for zen-renity (zen serenity) throughout the night’s escapades.
It is well known that Dina is psychic she feels something is about to rock this boat. And Dina has a little inkling its last name is “Marchese” and it has to do with this little secret she was tasked with guarding and protecting. As the group was about to find out, the gators were the least dangerous thing they were to encounter in Florida.
Recalling the last two episodes, Nicole shared, “The scene that I found most annoying was Amber being so nosey and prying into Teresa Giudice‘s business. It was bad enough to bring the cameras into church on a solemn day to show how holy the Marcheses are (how Pharisaic), but then she leaves the church to make a phone call to Teresa Giudice. It was almost embarrassing how Amber could not take the hint that Teresa did NOT want to speak about it.”
“I must start off with kudos to Dina! Finally someone with a brain! I called Dina and thanked her for making sense of complete nonsense,” said Teresa. “Three key points she made: First, as soon as she heard the rumor from Teresa Giudice, she said, ‘I do not believe that at all.’ Second, ‘It didn’t happen.’ And third, Dina’s comment in her interview was that she was more offended that someone would talk about someone’s mother. Thank you, Dina.”
In another massively long-winded missive, Amber lambasts Dina Manzo for being a ish-stirrer and blaming her for the Victoria Gotti rumor. After all, Teresa Giudice shares 50% of the blame. Silly Amber – doesn’t she know Teresa is never, ever, like ever responsible for anything bad?!
First of all, Amber calls Dina out on being faux-happy that Amber and Jim were meeting the group in Florida. “Did anyone catch Dina’s reaction to my call. She did not exactly seem pleased we were coming down or excited that I was in good health. I get the rumor was on her mind, but that was not exactly fair to me.”
“I was so torn on what to do with this info,” blogged Dina. “My first instinct was of course to let the girls know that someone was talking about their mother. If someone was talking about my mom, I would want to know so I could rip their face off. Not very zen, huh? Say all you want about me, but mention my kid or my parents and all bets are off.”
“Who knew this was going to be The Real Housewives of Medical Conditions? I think it’s great that Amber is choosing to share her cancer journey with the world, that Rino shared his colonoscopy adventure, and next week we get to catch up with Jacqueline‘s son Nicolas and see all the progress that he’s made,” said Teresa. “It’s very brave of anyone who’s struggling with a serious issue to use the exposure they have to share their experience with the world and help educate others.”
Last night the ladies of Real Housewives Of New Jersey headed to Florida, where things were all scary murky foreshadowing and things that go bump in the night – before next week when the ghosts jump out and attack!
Melissa Gorga is euphoric because she left her four children at home in the care of eldest Joe Gorga, who resents babysitting and is just letting the younger kids smack each other and eat junk food while he threatens to break the internet like it was Juicy’s face (we all saw how successful he was at that last season!). Meanwhile mama is getting sauced up under the Florida sun and flaunting what the good doctor gave her. Of course Dina Manzo planned the trip to Boca, where everyone is 80 (or how old Dina acts) and the house looks like something out of “Miami Vice” according to Teresssssa Aprea. She’s used to that – Don Johnson is clearly Rino’s fashion inspiration.
Of course Jim seems to court the publicity and love the controversy. Jim and his wife Amber Marchese, who are at the center of nearly every controversy this season, give their feedback on the show - and warns all us devoted and adoring viewers that not only does he make the show, but the Florida episode, which begins tonight, is out of control!
Jim shares [sarcastically] that the amazing amount of love he receives is the best part of being on TV. While Amber takes a more somber approach about the difficulties of being on RHONJ “I guess it didn’t sink in how much drama it would really be. How much fighting, and arguing,” she admits. “I guess you get girls together, and we’re around each other all the time, it’s gonna happen, but it didn’t sink in.”