Two months ago, ABC announced the cast of Bachelor in Paradise. But… shocker! They didn’t give us the full scoop. At the time, I agreed with Reality Steve, who said there were definitely more cast members to be revealed.
There simply weren’t enough of the Bachelorand Bachelorette fame whores we’ve all come to appreciate. Or something. Well, ABC has since revealed the entire cast list, as well as details on how the new reality show will work.
Per ABC: “Bachelor in Paradise begins with 14 former cast members, eight women and six men, who travel to beautiful Tulum, Mexico hoping to turn a potential summer fling into the real thing. However, in true Bachelor fashion, there is always a surprise.”
As always, it's two hours of engaging video recaps, heartfelt bachelorette retells, and passionate audience reactions all centered around Sean Lowe. Errr, when I say engaging, heartfelt, and passionate, I really mean repetitive, catty, and obnoxious.
Eighteen of Sean's rejected bachelorettes – Diana Willardson, Ashley Palenkas, Brooke Burchette, Daniella McBride, Amanda Meyer, Jackie Parr, Kacie Boguskie, Leslie Hughes, Kristy Kaminski, Taryn Daniels, Katie Levans, Robyn Howard, Sarah Herron, Selma Alameri, Lesley Murphy, AshLee Frazier, Tierra LiCausi, and Desiree Hartsock – show up for the event.
If I never hear Chris Harrison say special two day Bachelor event again… it will be too soon… seriously. Oh, by the way, have you heard about the special two day Bachelor event? It's an exciting and momentous event that serves as a kick off to the bachelorettes "worldwide journey to find love" with Sean Lowe.
This rip-roaring journey begins in Montana… where it's too cold for Sean to be half naked… how am I supposed to take this special two day Bachelor event seriously when Sean is wearing a shirt? I don't think I can. You've been warned.
So, Sean and his bachelorettes are off to Montana, where everyone wears flannel plaid and there will be a one-on-one date, a group date, and a two-on-one date. Sean says, "I'm an outdoorsy type of guy, and I love to get out and camp or canoe, so Montana is definitely going to test some of the women."
Ah, there he is! Bachelor Sean Lowe goes into this week's dates with "trust" in mind, which totally comes in handy during his first one-on-one date. The date card goes to Selma and reads "let's turn up the heat." Sean's plan is to take the "glamorous girl" out of her element to see how she reacts. Good times.
Less than impressed by their final destination, Selma says, "I got the limo. I got the jet. And then he took the Iraqi to a desert. I do not do well in the heat. At all. I'm so disappointed." The desert location is Joshua Tree National Park and the activity is rock climbing. The glamor girl complains about this not-so-fabulous date. Despite her fear of heights and heat-induced puffiness, Selma climbs the rock like a champ! She's proud of herself and Sean's impressed.
Oh, Sean Lowe works out? I almost forgot. While glistening with sweat and annoying homely husbands across America, the Bachelor shares, "One week into it, I find myself really digging a lot of women." Only Sean knows which ones but the possibilities include Sarah, Kacie, Desiree, AshLee, Lindsay, Robyn, Jackie, Lesley, Selma, Catherine, Kristy, Leslie, Tierra, Taryn, Daniella, and Amanda. One of these women could (but probably won't) be Sean's future wife.
Chris Harrison arrives on the scene of the crazy to deliver the first date card. It's addressed to Lesley and reads, "How long will this love last?" Lesley is excited and goes on and on about dreams coming true and taking her relationship with Sean to the next level.
Sean brings Lesley to the Guinness World Records Museum. Lesley isn't too impressed, saying, "I'm thinking, um, this could be fun, but if I could have picked any place… I really didn't think we'd be coming to the Guinness World Records." Poor Lesley… a waste of a good (albeit way too short) dress is always tragic.
TheBachelor folk are not about to let us forget that Sean Lowe's riveting personality half-naked body looks ah-mazing. While working out and taking a shower, Sean talks about his second chance at love… on this amazing journey… to meet his future wife. The Bachelor needs a new script.
Sean and his bachelorettes go on dates this week! Chris Harrison explains the dating process to the 19 remaining ladies – First Rose Tierra, Wishing Well Desiree, OCD AshLee, Sexy Selma, Back Flips Robyn, Tries Too Hard Brooke, Lipstick Jackie, Kurly Katie, Sweet Sarah, Single Mom Diana, Mean Mugging Catherine, Poker Dealer Leslie, Awkward Pause Amanda, Desperate in D.C. Lesley, Ben Reject Kacie, Model Kristy, Handshake Daniella, Tears Taryn, and Drunk Bride Lindsay - and adds that Sean is the most sincere Bachelorever.
Chris places the first date card on the coffee table, raises his hands in the air, and slowly backs out of the room… BRING ON THE CRAZY!
Kristy grabs the card, hoping to see her name on it, but it goes to Sarah. The date card reads, "Are you ready to fall in love today?" Everyone goes awwww and then wishes they, too, had only one arm. Oh, come on… you know the thought seeped into their catty heads. In all seriousness, I loved Sarah last week, so I'm excited about Sean's choice.
Chris Harrison is on hand, as well, to keep every single most dramatic rose ceremony running smoothly. Not on hand? Emily Maynard. She broke Sean's heart on the Bachelorette and, for the sake of my sanity, needs to stay far away from this season.
Sean has fully recovered from his heartbreak and is ready to try again on the Bachelor. Clearly, he's a fool. He says the idea of possibly meeting his future wife during this journey (drink up, my friends) is kind of exciting and kind of intimidating.
Sean adds, "I want the end result. I want to protect my woman. I want to love my woman. I want to honor her. I want to love her with everything I have, and I want to be the best possible man I can be for her. I want to be rich in love."
Because ABC doesn't completely hate me,Arie Luyendyk, Jr. stops by Sean's pad to help him prepare for what is to come. Mr. Holy Hotness schools Sean on how to properly kiss a woman: Eye contact. Use your hands. Touch her hair. Touch her face. Tease her with your tongue. No lizard tongue. Use your whole body. #coldshower
Curse you, Arie, for not signing up for this train wreck of a show solely for my entertainment.
Now, Sean is the star and in charge of the roses. Sean, 28, is an entrepreneur from Dallas, Texas. Southern values, family, and faith are very important to Sean. In his free time, Sean enjoys camping, wakeboarding, dancing, outdoor activities, and attending concerts.
The ABC press release tells us what Sean is looking for as the Bachelor: "He wants to be the patriarch of a family that is centered on faith, love and, laughter. He is eager to be a supportive husband that will encourage his wife to chase her dreams, as well as someone who she can rely on to help her through good and bad times. Quite simply, he is looking for his best friend. Sean also wants a big family and would love to adopt a child along with having his own – just so long as he can pass along the values he was taught to his kids."
Taping is already underway for Sean's season, which will begin airing in January 2013. And, ABC must be eager to get this party started, because they have already released the pictures and first names of the 24 "new to us" women that will be competing for Sean's final rose (and that sweet Neil Lane rock). Undoubtedly, Sean's final rose will bring us the most romantic rose ceremony ever. Like, ever.. ever. I digress.. anyway, this information has been released at least three months earlier than normal. Their ages, hometowns, and occupations were not listed, however. In addition to the new faces, there are two familiar faces! Enjoy!
Also, check out the Sean Lowe is The Next Bachelor video at the end. It's hilarious!
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