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Ed Swiderski and Jaclyn Swartz celebrate Reid Rosenthal‘s Bachelor Pad boot. “On a scale of 1 to 10, I’m on cloud nine,” says Jaclyn. What does that even mean? It’s a good thing she’s so pretty.

Chris Harrison crashes the after party, bringing surveys for the exhausted and drunk Bachelor Pad players to fill out. Jaclyn thinks these surveys might have something to do with the next day’s challenge. Michael Stagliano is like, “Oh, man, I’ve seen this train wreck before.” My thoughts exactly! Where’s the popcorn?!

Kalon McMahon reads some of the questions – Who’s the ugliest? Who’s the smartest? Who’s the fattest? He says, “So, pretty much, every answer is either me or Erica Rose.”

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Last week on Bachelor Pad, Reid Rosenthal tried to convince the ladies to eliminate Ed Swiderski. Even though Sarah Newlon just hooked up with Ed, she went with the plan. Then she immediately went to Ed to apologize for voting against him. Unfortunate for Reid, Jamie Otis chose to keep a drunken Ed around Bachelor Pad, probably for the entertainment value, so Reid’s plan failed.

Ed, possibly the most unscrupulous member of the cast, questions why he’s on Bachelor Pad. “The game is all about influence, perception, and flat out lying,” Ed says. “I don’t like lying.” I’ll give you a second to digest that statement and meet you after the jump.

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Bachelor Pad is back. Last week’s premiere mainly brought us super fan angst and a drunken Ed Swiderski

Tonight’s episode features the never-ending fighting between the super fan twins Brittany and Erica Taltos, a rhythmic gymnastics challenge, Ed‘s pickles, and a surprising rose ceremony.

Are these blonde twins for real? Their voices and fights are mind numbing.

“Stop yelling at me,” says one. ”You called me a slut,” says the other.

“Stop yelling at me!”

“You did it. I cried. You did it again. I cried again. You did it againnn. I cried againnn.”

“Stop yelling at me! I’m sorry I called you a slut. I won’t do it again, okay? I wouldn’t have said it if I were sober.”

I have no clue which one is Erica and which one is Brittany. The others are saying how annoying the twins are and that they’re walking episodes of the Jerry Springer show. It’s a sad day in your life when the Bachelor Pad contestants are making fun of you.

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Oh, Bachelor Pad, how do I love thee? Let me count the ways… right after I grab a loofah and scrub off the germs. I swear, just watching this show puts us all at risk of venereal diseases. Bachelor Pad 3 is summer TV at its finest, isn’t it?

As Chris Harrison welcomes us, I realize this puts me at five hours of Chris Harrison for the week. What has my life come to? Perhaps I can find some old reruns of Designer’s Challenge on HGTV just for fun. Thankfully, Chris shifts his focus from true love forever to smutty and disgusting seamlessly, so no time is wasted. Let the train wreck begin!

First, ABC reminds us who some of these Bachelor and Bachelorette losers are.

First, Emily Maynard‘s final four castaway, Chris Bukowski. Chris sits on his leather couch, wearing a jacket and shoes, reflecting on his heartbreak. Are we supposed to believe this is the exact minute Emily kicked him away? Chris “knows” going on the Bachelor Pad will help him move on from Emily. He mentions falling in love, also. He’s funny. Chris is looking forward to meeting Lindzi Cox.

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It’s Bachelor Pad time, y’all! And ABC has finally released the cheesy bikini shots of the cast members who have given up their public quest for love and instead have decided to embark on a public quest for money. ABC is promising the most controversial season yet. That’s what they always say.

[Photo Credits: ABC.com]

Bachelor Pad 3 premiers July 23 at 8/7c on ABC.

ARE YOU EXCITED ABOUT BACHELOR PAD? THOUGHTS ON ADDING THE “SUPER FANS” TO THE LINE-UP?

MEET THE CAST OF BACHELOR PAD 3 BELOW! 

Bachelor Pad returns on July 23 on ABC!  Which The Bachelor and The Bachelorette rejects will get a second (third, fourth, fifth) chance at finding true love on reality TV?  Ha, only if you’re Holly Durst and Blake Julian.  More than likely, this ego-heavy cast is more interested in hooking up and collecting the cash prize of $250,000.  Not that there’s anything wrong with that.  I like my TV to be dirty and not too deep.

New twist this season – six hand-selected super fans of the franchise will join the Bachelor Pad fun.  Fresh meat!!

Perhaps one of the most self-absorbed contestants is none other than Emily Maynard‘s pariah Kalon McMahon.  Kalon, the luxury brand consultant whose preferred mode of transportation is a helicopter, got himself kicked to the curb this week after referring to Emily’s daughter as budget-basement baggage.  The comment brought out Emily’s West Virginia hood rat backwoods side, which is the most exciting thing to happen all season.  If Kalon can bring personality out of Emily, I’m all for his presence on the Bachelor Pad!

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