The Real Housewives of DC Recap: Who’s The Phoniest Of Them All…

The 4th episode of the Real Housewives of DC aired last night, and boy oh boy, did it tell us a lot about the Salahis.

The episode titled The Grape Stomp of Wrath was a perfect foreshadow to what is to come later on this season. I was going to wait until next week to start doing the DC recaps but after watching last night’s episode, I say let’s get right to it!

The episode starts out with Lynda cooking a meal for her family. In the kitchen with her is her younger boytoy boyfriend Ebong Eka. Something about this union just robs me the wrong way. I can’t decide who’s using who. Ebong’s 35 and Lynda’s 52. Lynda also mentioned in a previous episode that she has no desire to get married again or have any more children. At 35, does Ebong have any kids? If not, does he not want any? Has he ever been married? If not, does he not plan on ever marrying?

Is he with her for the money? Is she with him for the arm candy? It just seems like an interesting relationship. A little search on Ebong shows he was raised in Canada, born to Nigerian parents. He is also a Certified Public Accountant with a taste for designer fashion. Nothing out of the norm. Perhaps I’m just reading too much into things, and these are just two adults in a healthy happy genuine relationship. Only time will tell.

Next, we see Stacie having a get together with her sorority sisters. Stacie, who is adopted, explains she has found her birth mother, who just happens to be Caucasian. Stacie also reveals her birth father is of Nigerian nationality, and does not know of her existence. And this scene is a perfect example of why the DC franchise has a bit more substance than the others. Race, politics, and other “controversial” topics don’t seem to be off limit.

Stacie shares that her birth mom wants to keep her a secret and is not willing to tell her who her birth father is. As Stacie tells her story, we see her sorors, who all look very camera ready and aware that this might be on national television, occasionally chime in.

It’s the opening day for Celebrity Hair Stylist Ted Gibson’s DC salon. Mary is very proud of the monumental day, as she is tired of people referring to DC as the “Hollywood for ugly people.” And in case the Ted Gibson name rings a bell, it’s because Ted also happens to be the hair stylist for Kate Gosselin. Michaele makes her entrance and declares her love for Ted, who thanks her for sponsoring the event. Mary however makes in clear in her voice over interview that she is the one responsible for Ted’s big day, and Michaele is only responsible for providing the store bought wine. Something about Mary is giving me Jill Zarin. Will touch more on that later.

As she’s getting her hair washed, Mary chats it up with Ted, and looks for reassurance that she’s still his #1 favorite girl in the whole entire world. The event starts and the other housewives excluding Stacie are in attendance. Cat makes her mandatory rude comments, and we see Lynda chatting it up with Michaele following their not so nice words of exchange in a previous episode. Lynda makes it clear she doesn’t like to hold grudges. “I don’t hold bad energy, it’s just not worth it to me,” says Lynda, who prefers to get her attorneys involved in joking matters.

“It seems like Tareq and Michaele have used their wine as a bit of a bartering system to get into places and to get to know important people,” says Mary, who seems to have a pretty good read on the Salahis. I always find it interesting how certain couples just manage to find one another. You ever know a slimy person, who just happened to marry another equally slimy individual? The Salahis are a good example of this. They just seem made for one another.


Mary decides to go shopping with Cat. Cat, who doesn’t seem to know when to stop offending others in her husky voice, begins her rude shtick. The rude comments don’t stop even after Mary makes it clear this is the store of one of her dearest best friends. As they sit down, Jason Backe, who isn’t just any old colorist, but a “Celebrity” colorist embarks on telling one of the best stories ever told in the history of the Bravo housewives franchise.

We find out the Salahis have been crashing parties, long long before that whole little White House incident. Jason says the Salahis invited him and others to the Congressional Black Caucus dinner which took place on September 26th, 2009, two months before the White House dinner crashing. Upon arriving at the event, Jason shares the Salahis’ invitation was a admit one only, before telling us he and the Salahis had to enter the party through the servers entrance. And oh yeah, we find out the Salahis were escorted out of the party by secret service, only to momentarily return to the party and reappear in the VIP section. Those darn Salahis! They sure are persistent!

Stacie, Cat and Mary are en route to visit the Salahis at their Oasis Winery in Virginia. Back in VA, we see some shadiness going on with the Salahis as they claim Tareq’s mom called a reporter, something she has reportedly done many times, to try to disrupt the get together. Odd that Tareq’s mom would know about the get together and even more odd that Tareq could foresee the disruption, and have security ready. We see the private security men all dressed in black, and I can’t help but wonder if security is really needed at the winery. This looks like another attempt by the Salahis to make themselves appear more important than they really are. The private security just happened to be dressed in all black with shades like the secret service.

Back in the limo, Stacie hears Tareq’s message about the winery drama and it seems Stacie is starting to realize just how shady the Salahis are. Mary also briefly brings up the story of how Michaele used to do/sell make-up in Nordstrom back in the 90s. A story that never gets old by the way. Celebrity hair colorist Jason, who’s also in the limo, then brings up the story of how the Salahis sneaked into the Black Caucus dinner. Stacie gives us a great quote when she says, “Who does that? We don’t go places where we’re not supposed to be.”

The guests finally arrive at the Oasis Winery and Cat isn’t sure why it was necessary for the Salahis to have secret service wannabes private security.

Cat begins her rude shtick, and openly questions the Salahis about their need for security. The Salahis quickly try to change the subject as talking about the security isn’t part of the show they planned to put on. Cat doesn’t want to participate in the wine stomping, but still proceeds to complain about it while standing on the sidelines.

One of the hired actresses help the Salahis hired to help them put on a show, decides to call Cat a bitch to which Stacie’s husband Jason, who is always hilarious, gives us the following great quote: “You generally don’t expect your service provider to call the customer a bitch, but keeping it real, Cat was being a bitch.”

Right before the grape stomping began, Mary and Cat hilariously mention that the grapes are store bought. Cat wonders why the Salahis don’t have grapes from their winery farm. And I can’t help but laugh at the irony, even the Salahis’ grapes are phony! Mary also points out that not an ounce of liquid resulted from the grape stomp. Not one ounce!

The always rude Cat decides she’s tired of faking it, and proceeds to leave the event early along with Celebrity hair colorist Jason. The others mostly seem relieved they no longer have to listen to the obnoxious British lady, and the party goes on.

The very awkward dinner begins with Michaele bringing up Cat’s absence. For a minute there, I wondered if Stacie and her husband were even in attendance, as they mostly seemed to stay way from the awkward conversations. The Black Caucus dinner crashing incident is brought up and the Salahis immediately deny they crashed the party.

“No one gets into where the president speaks without tickets,” are the last famous words of Michaele Salahi. This entire episode is just filled with great quotes and even greater foreshadowing.

The dinner conversation takes an even more awkward turn when Michaele decides to bring up her argument with Lynda. Was the Salahis goal to make this dinner as uncomfortable for their guests as possible? If so, they are definitely succeeding. As Michaele goes on and on, Mary looks like she’d rather be hanging out with Cat at this very moment.

The dinner gets even more uncomfortable as Mary now decides it’s her turn to bring up some more not-appropriate-for-dinner conversation. Mary wants to know why Michaele referred to her as the town gossip. Michaele tries to explain away the situation and the episode ends as Tareq is about to drop a bombshell involving Mary’s daughter. To my knowledge, the Salahis will accuse Mary’s daughter of stealing from them.

So far, I find myself really enjoying the DC franchise. I had very low hopes for this in the beginning, and thought it would be mostly boring, but thanks to the Salahis and all the other great characters, it has yet to disappoint me. I was liking Lynda in the beginning but I’m starting to see some major flaws in her character here and there. She did make some mean comments about Michaele’s weight, only to play the victim when Michaele confronted her about the comments.

Cat can only be described as rude and obnoxious, and her shtick is getting rather old. Stacie seems cool and level headed, my favorite of the bunch so far. Mary, I’m not so sure of. She seems sweet and likable so far, but everything about her is reminding me of Jill Zarin, of the NYC Housewives. The slight narcissism, constant need to be the everybody’s favorite or #1 rather, and of course wanting credit for helping others. I could be wrong though. I think I need more time on Mary.

And the Salahis. What can I say about the Salahis, not since Simon and Alex on the first season of the Real Housewives of NYC, have we seen such social climbing wannabes. And not since the Giudices on the Real Housewives of New Jersey, have we seen such posers! These two are as phony as it gets. Nothing about them is real, not even their grapes! Everything they do is for show. From pretending to host the party for Paul the hairstylist, only for us to find out they never even paid a dime for the party. I will add that they are very entertaining to watch. I went into this season wanting to give them a chance, and not pre-judging them based on the White House event, but they have lived up to their names and reputations. They are truly a gruesome pair, and well suited for each other.

UPDATE – An article from about the Salahis crashing the Caucus dinner states the following: “Representatives from the Congressional Black Caucus Foundation say the couple also attended their recent awards dinner without an invitation, and multiple sources told they sneaked in to the event through an entrance meant for bus boys and caterers.”