On Thursday’s Real Housewives of New York the ladies leave exotic Morocco and head back to Manhattan. Love, loss and confrontation ensue once back on American soil.

Ramona decides to seduce Mario (on camera, of course) but poor Mario’s late to the party. Alex gets home and Simon has a romantic dinner planned. It’s an evening of making out, ass smacking, and talking to the oysters which are ready to spike their libidos…and that’s all before the couple sits down for the meal. Across town, Ramona’s still waiting and Mario enters awkwardly. Ramona informs Mario of the fortune teller’s prediction. Mario, like Ramona, believes the “other woman” is their daughter Avery. That’s his story and he’s sticking to it!

Simon’s gifts Alex with a basket full of “panties” (I HATE that word) and Alex proceeds to model the lingerie for Simon. Where is the remote? I need to change the channel STAT. Who does this knowing they’re being filmed for an enormous television audience? Not to be outdone in the creepy category, Ramasseuse gives a shirtless Mario a massage. Please, Bravo, show anything else…Luann’s wine-selling boyfriend, Kelly eating jelly beans, heck, even Gia Guidice’s runway walk–ANYTHING!


Cindy and her brother discuss some Completely Bare business, and she shows him and her assistant pictures from Morocco. Cindy’s brother makes lots of comments while her assistant recognizes that Cindy has been cut out of all the pictures (by Sonja). After this scene, maybe Ramona giving Mario a foot massage wasn’t as creepy as I thought.

Sonja’s niece accompanies her to get facial treatments. Sonja eludes to the fact that many ladies are sweet on her doctor…a short bald man Sonja met in a trampoline class. At the appointment Sonja reveals that she is filing for bankruptcy to the tune of 19 million dollars. Clips of the other ladies discussing her financial woes and the press surrounding them attempt to enlighten the viewers on the severity of her situation.

Jill takes Bobby shopping for custom dress shirts. Not surprisingly, Jill opts to have her initials embroidered on his shirt. Oh! It’s as if my prayer from paragraphs earlier has been answered! Luann has date night with David Schwimmer Ross Gellar her wine schlepping boyfriend Jacques. Luann regales in his sense of humor because his Indian accent is just like his regular accent hilarious.

The ladies convene for a focus group for Spanx Jill’s body shaping products. Cindy doesn’t want to bring up the elephant in the room when Sonja arrives, but Alex dives right in… asking how Sonja’s doing in light of her whopping debt. Sonja contends she just owes a few lawyers’ fees. Jill does the math and makes things weird. Alex is appalled that Jill brings up the dollar amount. Sonja continues to talk about her bankruptcy (and herself) in the third person during her interviews. Jill reveals that Ramona didn’t make the short list for this meeting. So much for their reconciliation. Alex, as Ramona’s bodyguard, is beside herself. I’m confused, isn’t a focus group normally a cross-section of potential customers?

Ramona meets up with Alex and of course, Alex is foaming at the mouth to tell Ramona she wasn’t invited to the Jill Zarin Faux Spanx Convention. Way to stir that pot, Alex. Ramona mainlines pinot grigio and shares her feelings on being left out of the focus group. Ramona doesn’t realize she should be counting her blessing for not wasting that time out of her life. Alex accuses Jill of jumping on Sonja while Alex and Cindy merely comforted Sonja with hugs. Oh, is that what I just watched?

It’s Kelly time (and the only Kelly time of the evening) and she has her 10-year-old daughter directing a crazy photo shoot for the family Christmas card.

Ramona goes to visit Sonja and asks about the ladies prior ambushing of Sonja at the focus group while Ramona continues to ambush comfort Sonja in her home. In her interviews, the normally fun-loving Sonja shows rare vulnerability and professes to be “heartbroken” over her financial situation. It’s sad really. Sonja admits to Ramona that she’s trusted the wrong people, both in business and in romance.

Luann goes to meet with Alex to discuss their falling out in Morocco. Immediately Luann takes the driver’s seat, making not so subtle digs. I see the rash appearing on Alex’s neck. Alex can’t get a word in edgewise as Luann touts her hostess duties while on the trip. As much as Luann gets on my (very) last nerve, she has a point. Luann’s beef with Ramona is none of Alex’s business. There’s a lot of interrupting and talking over one another and Luann makes the ultimate insult–clearly Alex has had too many pinot grigios. Fighting words! Luann is upset that Alex approached her in her Moroccan “SAL-on” (that’s “salon” for you uppity people, and “hallway” for the common people like myself). Luann calls out Alex’s shoe choice during the henna drama, saying “even Louis Vuitton makes mistakes” while Alex tries to no avail to have an adult conversation. Luann dismisses Alex YET AGAIN, but decides to dismiss herself instead.

Next week, Sonja further discusses her financial problems, Jill gets some major injections and Avery’s sixteenth birthday party is anything but sweet.

In the clubhouse on WWHL with Andy is Mary McDonald from Million Dollar Decorators and Rocco DiSpirito from the new show Rocco’s Dinner Party. The poll question is another “Whose Side Are You On?” between the Countess and Alex. Rocco’s call is LuAnn, but Mary, not so much. Here’s what…Simon and Alex’s romantical scenes are cringeworthy, and even Louis Viutton makes mistakes. And let’s be honest, who doesn’t love an Alex McCord facial expression montage?

Mary McDonald totally calls out a fan who wrote in with a question about her (apparently a fan–fanemy?–that she’s heard from before), and Rocco admits he’s intrigued by Sonja…but maybe not her toaster oven cookbook. Mary gets handsy with Rocco, but Andy cuts through the awkwardness with a clip of Caroline Manzo on Rocco’s Dinner Party getting fellow dinner guest Joey Fatone call her daughter Lauren. On the game, On the Guest List or Have a Cyst? the clubhouse members enlighten us as to whether they’d rather be at a given housewive’s party or find a growth on their person. For the most part, Mary and Rocco won’t miss any of the parties, although Rocco chooses having a benign cyst over attending the Gorga Christening. Mary chooses to forgo Taylor Armstrong’s daughter’s birthday, claiming it’s “too close to home.” Countess Luann tweets, praising Rocco on picking her in the poll, but unfortunately for Luann, Alex wins by a landslide. Mazel!