I know y’all have been waiting all week to see what those crazy Teen Moms have been doing. That’s so easy! Farrah’s been modeling, Catelynn’s been searching for the perfect apartment with Tyler, Maci’s been talking out of both sides of her mouth, and Amber? Well, Amber’s been cussing up a storm.

Amber and Gary have been back together for a week, so of course the next rational step for the pair would be…wait for it…house hunting! On the way home, the broker calls and, whoopee!, the couple has been approved to buy a house thanks to MTV Gary’s steady job with home healthcare. Even Leah is dancing in her carseat. Gary’s mom comes over to hear the news and sincerely hopes that Amber and Gary’s relationship is on the right track. Leah claps when the two kiss. I’d be happy if I didn’t know how tragic this couple becomes.


Tyler and Catelynn are also househunting, with her toddler brother in tow. The couple tours a small apartment with a hole in the wall due to a busted intercom. The landlord is quick to point out the hole can be corrected by a hanging a picture or a new intercom. OR it could be remedied by the landlord fixing whatever is wrong with the property. I don’t foresee that happening though. Down the way is a pet friendly, but more expensive version of the same apartment. The couple can’t agree on which one they like better, with Catelynn wanting to move in to the first place they toured, while Tyler wants to continue their search. Catelynn is worried he’s getting cold feet about their living arrangement.

Farrah is looking for a “better job” to pay for her boobs and gets her portfolio together so she can dive back into modeling. Her mom takes her to a checkup with her plastic surgeon. Her mom makes the mistake of asking if she’s eating well, and OMG, MOM! I’m a culinary student! Of course I know how to eat right. It’s mother-daughter respect at it’s finest. At the appointment, the doctor reveals that Farrah’s new chest is healing nicely. Farrah forgets to be rude to her mother because she’s too excited about buying new bras.

Maci is registering for classes and trying to balance bills. She tells Kyle how hard it is to budget and pay for her expenses in Nashville. Across the room, Bentley hits Maci’s friend and we get to see a teaching moment in the world of teen mom discipline. Good job, Maci (and for once, I’m not being sarcastic). She worries about moving back to Chattanooga, and whether her relationship with Kyle will weather the distance.

Amber and Gary move in to the new house and immediately Gary splits a stair in half (yes, you read that right). Amber chastises Gary’s weight while Gary blames “pressed wood.” I’d say the honeymoon phase of living together is off to a magical start. Amber lays in Leah’s bed, watching with disdain as Gary stuffs his face with pasta. She also makes plan for a dual family vacay with her brother and his family. Leah falls off her Preskool vanity, but not before agile Amber can grab the back of her pajamas. Parenting at his finest. Gary continues eating, but you can see in his eyes how proud he is of Amber for saving their daughter. Slow clap, please.

Maci tells Kyle that she and Bentley are moving back to Chattanooga, and after Ryan’s “Is Kyle slow” comment from last week, I can’t tell if he’s processing this information slowly or if he’s already moved on to the pensive and brooding stage. Maci assures him, “I love you still.” Well, that’s all Kyle needs to invite his girlfriend to move in together so she and Bentley can afford to stay in Nashville. Fear of not making it long distance is what all great love affairs are based upon, if you didn’t already know.

Until modeling pans out, Farrah is focusing on culinary school. She hasn’t even finished reading her first recipe (braised short ribs, yum!) when she gets a call about a modeling gig. It’s big league folks. A hair show in Denver! Only one minutely tiny glitch…who will watch Sophia?

Catelynn and Tyler continue their search for the perfect–and cheapest–apartment. Tyler’s sister and his mother discuss their belief that that Tyler doesn’t really want to move in with Catelynn. His sister vows to broach the subject with her brother about why he feels the need to move out of the family home. Catelynn feels as if they are ganging up on her, and she worries family pressure will cause Tyler to change his mind. Perhaps he’s changed his hair gel and loves the way his locks feel, but the way Tyler constantly and dramatically runs his hands through his hair makes me think that Catelynn may be on to something.

Amber and Gary leave to spend the weekend with Amber’s brother, his girlfriend, and their two children at a water park. They aren’t even five miles into their road trip, and Amber is cussing at Gary who gets very pissed angry at her language in front of their daughter. Can you blame him? Poor Leah. She bitches complains that she only swears in front of Gary because he’s such a @*U&#@*. After Amber’s twenty-plus bleeps, Gary threatens to take their daughter. Upon this threat, Leah tells Gary, “You’re never going to change.” Um yes, pot, allow me to introduce you to kettle. Perhaps this is why they are such a fabulous couple. They arrive at the water park and Amber’s first move is to try to book a flight back home. Her brother is beyond peeved at the couple’s immaturity, not to mention the fact that they dumped Leah on him at midnight so they could work on their issues. Gary is trying to compliment Amber, but it’s totally passive aggressive. Gary forces an awkward hug. I wish they were my parents…

Maci discusses moving in with Kyle with her mother, who (surprise, surprise) isn’t happy. Her mom reminds her that what is good for the goose is good for the gander. Huh? asks Maci, chewing her gum. Her mother explains that if she plans on moving in with Kyle, she can offer no complaints if Ryan finds a lady to share his nest. Maci could not care less about that (I’m sure) and promises her mom that “one day you’ll start trusting me.” Her mother quips, “We used to, and then we got Bentley.” Ouch. Maci knows what’s best for her and Bentley…or maybe just her but Bentley is included by default. Roll out the welcome mat, Kyle!

Still apartment hunting, Catelynn is worried that Tyler’s family may have swayed him. Catelynn loves the most recent apartment they’ve been shown, but Tyler, again, thinks it’s too small. Tyler is visibly stressed…I feel like he may burst into tears, yet the couple proceeds to sign a lease. It’s awkward.

Farrah’s mom watches Sophia as she heads out to Colorado to hair model. Farrah has a great monologue about why she LOVES modeling, and the hair show peeps seem pleased to have snagged a teen mom for their event. Another model undermines Farrah about her height, and Farrah suddenly misses Sophia. It’s hard being a single mom, not to mention a single mom model who isn’t connecting with the other hair models. I think we all know how Giselle feels…except she has Tom Brady.

At the water park, Gary and Amber are spending some fun, quality time with Leah. Amber’s brother tries to talk to her about her relationship with Gary, but seems put off by Amber’s language. Amen to Amber’s brother! He doesn’t think the pair needs couple’s counseling, he thinks the pair needs to separately enter anger management. Maybe Amber’s brother should become a fixture on the show…I may start a petition.

Farrah feels badly about missing Sophia and bonds with a hairstylist and fellow mom about the woes of the fashion industry. I (kind of) applaud Farrah’s attempt to make a living for her daughter (I’d erase the ‘kind of’ if I didn’t think Farrah was modeling mostly for her own ego), but regardless, Jerseylicious is laughing it’s ass off at this hair show.

Maci takes Bentley to Ryan, and he is not thrilled to find out that Maci’s plans have changed. She’s not coming back to Chattanooga, but instead she’s staying in Nashville and moving in with Kyle. They argue about whether Maci is making a good decision about moving in with Kyle and whether Tennessee law prohibits her from having her son live with her boyfriend, but I think they are both about as wrong as two people can be. Maci is being hasty about moving in with Kyle, but Ryan can’t tell her what to do. I would recommend that MTV did a reality series on co-parenting, but I realize that could potentially send their two most successful franchises out of business.

Tyler’s mom isn’t on board with her son moving in with Catelynn, although she is happy to lend her van for the move. She doesn’t want a “bond” (um?) coming between she and her son, so she will be supportive even though she thinks it’s the worst idea she’s ever heard. He’d better finish school. And he better not be thinking of engineering, as he and Catelynn have a hilarious montage based on getting the box spring into the van. Hint…no matter what, it won’t fit. Still, once settled, the couple seems very happy to be living together.

Farrah returns home and discusses the modeling gig with her mother. She reveals that she really missed Sophia. Farrah’s mother tries very hard to suppress the “I told you so” look on her face, but she’s a tad unsuccessful. Sophia seems to like the Denver Rockies bomber jacket her mom brought her as a sursee, but she’s only two, so we won’t question her taste.

Maci vents her frustrations to Kyle about Ryan and her mother’s doubts about their cohabitation. She says,”I haven’t made one bad decision yet,” and, “I’m tired of worrying about everyone else before you.” I think she meant “I’m tired of worrying about everyone but my son before you” but I’ll cut her some slack as she’s just completed a long road trip. The episode ends with a subtle musical montage of all the mothers bonding with a) their babies; b) their boyfriends; c) all of the above; d) none of the above. And scene.

Next week, Kyle and Maci butt heads when he doesn’t want to meet Ryan, Tyler’s dad gets out of jail, and Child Protective Services comes looking for Amber.


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