Jersey Shore Finale Recap: Farewell Meatballs! Adios Couple Who Didn’t Cause Drama For Once! & Don’t Let The Door Hit You On Your Way Out, Bitchuation!

In the words of the illustrious Boyz II Men, “It’s so hard to say good-bye to yesterday.” The farewell we bid to the guidos and guidettes on last night’s finale of Jersey Shore is a bit bittersweet. With the Snookster knocked up and about to walk down the aisle, who know if the gang we all love to loathe with be returning to fist pump, GTL, and sound the grenade whistle. At least we’ll still have the memories…

The episode begins with the majority of the housemates returning from their time communing with nature to find Vinny and Pauly in a kiddie pool awaiting the repercussions of the prank to end all pranks. The meatballs initial reaction is that VP decided to throw them a tiki themed homecoming party. Once the realization sets in, the roommates are beyond confused. As Pauly puts it, Mike looks even dumber than normal. He is super proud of pulling off the inside out debacle. Everyone thinks it is hilarious, except for Mike who is pissed, pacing, and muttering to himself.


Rawn realizes that a big storm is brewing, so the gang needs to get their belongings inside, pronto. The housemates start trudging inside with mattresses and stilettos, covering the stuff they don’t care to move at this time. Mike, however, is standing firm…he didn’t move his stuff out, so he’s not moving it back to his room. Within minutes, Mike’s “bedroom” is the only one left on the patio. Pauly can’t believe that the guy who claims to be the number one prankster is so upset. Pauly D offers to get him some tarps, but Mike couldn’t care less…his stuff it totes ruined. His bed and shoes are so wet. Vinny offers to help Mike bring in his stuff, but why should Mike have to lift a finger? His stuff is already “ruined” and he didn’t move it outside in the first place. Sammi tries to reason with him, saying he wasn’t singled out, they were all pranked. Get over it. That Mike, he can dish it, but he can’t take it. Pauly finally feels bad and starts to bring in Mike’s stuff. Snooki thinks Mike’s nickname needs to be changed from the Situation to the Bitchuation. Best tag line of the season!

Deena answers the duck phone to hear Mike’s brother Frankie, who is dating her sister Joanie. Deena really hopes that this relationship doesn’t work out in the long-term. She doesn’t want to be part of Mike’s family. Snooki extends an olive branch and invites the Situation out for drinks. She’s willing to forgive him spilling the beans to Jionni, especially since his diabolical plan was a total bust. Over drinks, Mike is quick to re-tell a rumor about Joanie he heard from his brother. She apparently has “special skills.” I can’t discern what said talent is, but I do discover that this gossip originated with the Decimeter. Um, please tell me Joanie’s talent has nothing to do with bathroom etiquette.

The gang is going to Jenks. Vinny is sporting a tiny shirt and quickly befriends some lesbian wing women. Joanie arrives and Mike starts creeping around the outskirts of the group. Snooki relays Mike’s gossip to Deena. A meatball madness is ignited. You don’t talk smack about her family, regardless of what her sister does or does not do in the bedroom. Vinny wants what he can’t have…and in his case, that is ladies who don’t like dudes. He promises them the best one-night of their lives. They are both amused and intrigued, as they come back to the house with him. Vinny is being denied the smush room because Rawn and Sam need couple time. Ronnie thinks he’s doing Vin a favor…does he not realize that one of his chicks looks like Matthew McConaughey? Pauly D sounds like one of the hosts from Wipeout as he discusses Vin’s potential pitfalls, unseen obstacles, and general hurdles in his lesbian operation. Of course, he says all of this with extreme pride.

Deena isn’t happy that Mike has been talking crap about her sister. She follows him upstairs to confront him. He swears that he never said anything…people are just trying to start drama. Mike is a really bad liar. He’s very jacked up on something, claiming that Snooki probably overheard him talking on the phone. Really? That’s a lie easily disproved, as he freaking told Snooki on camera at a bar. Loser.

Thankfully for the viewing public, the MTV night vision cameras do not capture Vinny’s monumental lesbian threesome. However, he firmly believes that this hook up makes up for his depression earlier in the season. There is a big storm closing in on the Jersey shore, and Deena is freaking out, while Pauly D finds it awesome…unless lightning strikes his hair. The power goes out and tornado warnings sound. Deena wants to drive away from the storm, but she’s deterred when she realizes that it’s the gang’s last night at Karma.

All the roommates are having a blast and getting along. Mike’s brother shows up with Deena’s sister. The couple is making out and seems to be a generally happy trashy couple. Mike is excited to see his brother in such a good place. Deena decides she needs to get to the bottom of Mike’s rumors. Mike intercepts her, saying she doesn’t want to ruin the couple’s happiness by stirring the pot. Deena lets it go (for the time being) and both she and Mike wonder if they may one day be related. Shudder.

The following day, the house is hung over. Sammi, who deserves major props this season as she’s been nothing but fun and likeable–who knew?–is hatching a plan to prank Vinny and Pauly. It involve water balloons. Awesome. Rawn and Jenni are cooking the last family dinner as the gang is leaving the following day. I love to see the group (minus douchey Mike) sincerely enjoying each others’ company. Sam touts this as her favorite summer, and Vin toasts her and Rawn for not fighting the whole time. Mike, of course, has his own underhanded comments. The mini-clip shows the ladies taking turns wearing sumo style fat suits doing the Jersey turnpike. Priceless. Even more priceless? One of the fat suits has sequined pasties.

After dinner, the boys go to fly kites on the roof. How very Mary Poppins of them! The ladies decide to start the water balloon war with their giant slingshot. Pauly spots them, but they are ready to fight. Rawn decides to lock the girls out on the smush room deck. They have no other exit. The guys take this opportunity to fill their own water balloons. The ladies are sitting ducks. Deena thinks that climbing over the roof is a good idea, but she is quickly proven wrong. The guys ambush the girls as they take cover under a tarp. It’s a water war of the highest order. All of the girls, except Deena, call a truce. If she’s going down, she’s going down soaked. Vinny even closes her in the jacuzzi.

Pauly D wakes up the crew with the smoke detectors, with his “oh yeah, wake up yeah” routine for their final day. They all begin packing, which has to be insanely difficult as the whole house looks like a bomb of clothing and trash went off the night before. It’s time for the good-byes with drama-free couple Rawn and Sam leaving first. I liked them a lot this time around but then again they were hardly featured due to their drama-less season. Roger arrives to pick up Jenni. Mike finally gets to exit stage left…it’s about time. Good-bye and good riddance! Vinny is collected by his mother who is disgusted by the baby pool – and rightfully so. His good-bye to Pauly D is truly genuine. Deena leaves next, followed by Pauly. Snooki takes shots alone while waiting for her ride.

Love them or hate them, these guys really are a family, and that is what draws me to them. I am grossed out by them, but I love them none the less, because beyond the clerbs and besides the dirtiness, they really are good to one another. This season’s good-bye wasn’t sad (and yes, judge me, I’ve thought past finales were a bit bittersweet) as I know these guys are friends even when the cameras aren’t rolling. Ciao!