Celebrity Apprentice Recap: Walking Papers

Last night’s Celebrity Apprentice was so long and intense, I feel like I need therapy just to process all the emotions I now feel. At least the three hours finally made the show interesting.

In case you already forgot, Patricia Velasquez was the one to go last week for her failure with the branding at the Crystal Light event. Dayana Mendoza is sad to have her one ally leave. I loved that moment last week when Patricia told Dayana it was going to be okay in Spanish while they were both waiting to be called in with Donald.

At this point, Dayana is like this show’s Highlander. She refuses to die, no matter how badly Lisa Lampanelli wants her to go. Throughout this whole episode, Lisa is like a dog with a bone. She refuses to see any of Dayana’s positive qualities. It makes it so hard to root for Lisa when she just looks like a jealous hater.

Last night’s show featured two tasks: the first featured the teams making and selling celebrity guidebooks to New York, using a Toshiba tablet, or as I like to call it, not an iPad. The second task was for each team to create a 15 minute presentation and boxes on Walgreen’s new walking initiative.

We got new project managers for the first task: Teresa Giudice was project manager for the guidebook task and Dee Snider was task manager for the men’s team. Both of them were pretty hands-off. If there were any sources of drama for this episode, it once again came from Lisa and Aubrey. If Lisa is hard to root for due to her almost senseless rage towards Dayana, Aubrey became downright evil, especially during the second task when she butted heads against her new teammate Arsenio Hall.

But, back to the first task. Debbie Gibson was the sacrificed celebrity during the first task. Teresa’s one conflict as project manager was with Debbie, who rightly asked for direction on the women’s kiosk. At the boardroom, Teresa and Debbie got into it, with Teresa defending herself by saying that at this point, the team should know what to do with minimal direction. She has a point, but it did really seem like Teresa forgot they needed to design a kiosk to sell the guidebooks.

On the men’s team, it was sad to see Arsenio try to fund raise, but get ignored by his former celebrity friends. His friend and NBC pet Jay Leno promises to FedEx Arsenio a check. Both teams actually make it rain pretty hard with their fund-raising, Teresa has Juicy Joe come by the kiosk with donations from their friends. Does anyone think Melissa Gorga donated to Teresa’s efforts?

Anyway, in the boardroom, Debbie is fired and she’s visibly pissed off. The world’s most famous elevator attendant even smirks as Debbie storms off after she’s fired. The fact that Debbie was fired and Aubrey (who fundraised the least amount of money) was kept, feels really producer-driven to me. If the task was about who made the most money, then clearly Aubrey should have left, based purely on numbers. But, she and Dayana live to see another day.


On task number two, the teams finally switch up, with Aubrey and Teresa joining Clay Aiken and Arsenio, who volunteers as project manager. Lisa deliciously gets stuck with Dayana, joining Lou Ferrigno, Penn Jillette and Dee Snider. Aubrey automatically goes into head cheerleader mode, taking over their team’s brainstorming meetings.

Penn and Lisa take over the brainstorming from Lou, which makes sense since they really are the brains of this operation. Penn has to take off for a show, but flies right back in time for the presentation. Lisa spends a lot of time stewing over Dayana, especially when the men on the team end up liking Miss Universe. It’s easy to say that Dayana is only liked because of her looks, but Lisa’s hatred of her just makes her look more competent. It’s looking a lot like jealousy, which is something I hate to use.

Both presentations are pretty good, but Arsenio is way better as a host, and their team’s “Face Reality” theme, using everyone’s reality television past is pretty smart. I wasn’t surprised at all when they won the challenge. Aubrey and Arsenio get into a truly nasty fight in the boardroom and Aubrey’s smug, self-satisfied look as Arsenio gets on her case over her taking credit over the quotes written on the team’s box was just gross. I like Aubrey, but her attitude is just too much.

As an aside, Lisa tweeted that a lot of the boardroom’s fight was edited out, but Arsenio’s criticisms of Aubrey were spot-on. She is dominating and self-absorbed, and anyone with a brain can see that. Arsenio’s team wins, he cries over the money that’s going to the Magic Johnson foundation. Like a spoiled child, Aubrey walks out.

Finally, finally, finally at our second boardroom, Lisa is pretty clear she wants Lou fired. And Dayana, but what else is new? Lou wants Dee or Penn fired, but Penn contributed a lot, even in his absence. Dayana comes back to the boardroom with Lou and Dee. Both Dee and Dayana seem totally confused that they are on the chopping block, since Lou is so incompetent.

While all this is happening, Arsenio is losing his mind in the war room, ranting against Aubrey. Even Teresa is scared! Arsenio says the quote of the season and insists he Googled everyone before coming on the show, and the first thing that popped up with Aubrey was a naked photo of her with her gut hanging out. I googled her and only see pictures of Aubrey without a gut, several faces ago.

Anyway, sadly, Dee is fired because ultimately, his mistake with the team’s box design is what cost their team the win. Dee’s advice to the remaining teammates is to stop propping Lou up, and I completely agree. To think we still have Lou on the show but no Adam Carrolla is just a crime. Also, poor Debbie didn’t even get to show off her postmortem in the limo! But, as she said, the business of Debbie Gibson will continue.