Basketball Wives Recap: No Brawls? What?

Oh Basketball Wives!  An episode with no fighting?  What’s a girl to do?  Don’t get me wrong…I relished in it, but I am just so…so…so confused!

Tami Roman, Nia Crooks, and Evelyn Lozada meet up for cocktails, and Evelyn is appalled that Jenn Williams is giving interviews about the smack situation.  Jenn is dead to Nia, and Tami agrees.  Of course, in Tami’s interview she says that what happened at the race track was between Jenn, Nia, and Evelyn…she will continue to maybe kind of be passive aggressive pals with Jenn.  Evelyn is beside herself.  She realizes that she’s an adult with an eighteen-year-old daughter, and while she should probably be more mature, she wants Jenn’s blood.  It’s a totally normal and mature reaction, right?  Evelyn wants Tami to uninvite Jenn from the Tahiti trip, but Tami is unwilling.  Jenn’s been invited, and Evelyn needs to get over it.  Wow, Tami.  I am slightly impressed.  Evelyn makes sure that Tami knows that she’s in charge of Evelyn not getting arrested in Tahiti.


Royce Reed and Suzie Ketcham meet up to discuss Royce’s upcoming play debut.  Royce is nervous, but she finds it hilarious to hear about the drama that will most certainly ensue on the trip to Tahiti.  Sweet Royce regretted to the trip as she isn’t all about going on trips where she hates ninety percent of those attending.  Suzie hopes that the cannibals in Tahiti are quick to eat Kenya Bell.  I think Suzie should do a travel PSA for Tahiti free of charge.  Tahiti should welcome that kind of tourism!

Evelyn is excited that fiancee Chad Ochocinco is home from a grueling football season.  Evelyn wants to change some of Chad’s Miami digs to make it more of a marital space.  She touts his dining room chandelier as being too “traditional” for his modern kitchen.  That red glass light piece is traditional?  No…it definitely matches his ugly red kitchen.  I think the word Evelyn was looking for is “tacky” although she may not understand what that means.  Chad discusses their upcoming wedding while joking about how he loves his future wife’s paycheck more than her looks.  Evelyn is like a school girl who is so thrilled to hear that her man is excited about their nuptials.  P.S.  They don’t want an open marriage, folks.  Oh, okay.  Evelyn teases him that she may not want any more kids, and Chad gives her his best pouty face.  We’ll see how this plays out…for real.  Chad has written a poem.  I may gag.  After the reading of the poem, which references pizza slices no one wants to eat, I do, in fact, want to gag.

Tami drags her precious daughters to a dance lesson headed up by Royce.  Tami is quick to say that while her girls are athletic, they may not be totally coordinated.  Royce is more impressed with her girls than Tami is.  Dezmon Briscoe comes to visit his (former) boo during the dance lesson.  Tami is thrilled to meet the guy that makes Royce so happy.  The following day, Chad and Evelyn have more weirdness in their relationship.  Chad wants her to sit outside in the rain, and Evelyn admits that the pair may be too open for fans to relate.  Newsflash…every relationship is weird as all get out–y’all aren’t special.  Chad pushes all of Evelyn’s buttons and it’s clear who wears the pants in the relationship.  Evelyn broaches the subject of having her sick brother-in-law to walk her down the aisle, and after some ribbing, Chad agrees that it’s a good idea.

Kesha Nichols and Royce head to the beach.  Royce loves talking about her love with DezmonSuzie joins the duo…wearing jeans.  They are on. the. beach.  Kesha reveals that she isn’t Suzie’s biggest fan.  Royce’s dad is coming for a visit, and we viewers know what that means.  Her father is always quick to tell Royce that she falls too hard and too fast.  The friends talk about a potential engagement between Royce and Dezmon.

Jenn is casting for her upcoming Lucid commercial.  Her mini-me Kenya arrives at “her girl’s” event.  Jenn feels relieved that she’s heard from ex Eric Williams since he tossed a drink in her face.  Kenya knows that it was super important for Jenn to hear Eric’s apology.  Jenn discusses pressing charges against Nia, and while they used to be friends, she feels no remorse for letting Nia know that hitting someone isn’t okay.  Kenya tries to warn Jenn about potential Evelyn repercussions, and Jenn could not care less.  Kenya agrees with anything her idol has to say.  Can I please get a dollar for every time Kenya nods her head?  I could pay my student loans this month!

Tami and Evelyn go get mammograms.  I am thrilled that they are being proactive, but it makes me want to vomit when Evelyn equates it so something similar to a girls’ pedicure appointment.  Tami likens the mammogram to having one’s weave pulled out during wild sex.  As someone who has had one due to family history, I can assure you, it’s nothing like that.  It’s pressure and it’s embarrassing if you’re modest, but that’s about it.  After a clean bill of health, the women chat with the doctor about the importance of African American women being screened.  Evelyn vows to let Chad do her monthly breast exam.  Thank you, BBW, for vilifying the mammogram.

Jenn and Suzie meet up for the first time since the horse races.  Suzie is worried that Jenn felt set up as she hasn’t responded to any of Suzie’s calls or texts.  Jenn apologizes for not handling the situation appropriately, but she doesn’t blame Suzie for anything.  Jenn does think that the women who came at her acted like animals.  She still plans to go to Tahiti, but she refuses to be around Evelyn.  Jenn doesn’t want to dwell on the situation any more than she already has.

Royce’s dad is in town, and the relationship between the two is still rocky.  He wants to know why Royce falls so hard and so fast.  Her father gets on her for trying to always be in a relationship regardless of what is going on in her life.  He actually calls her a cougar.  Hey-oh!  He chastises his daughter for introducing his grandson to a slew of men…and if he’s correct, I have to agree with him.  Royce is move to sobbing as they walk their dogs.  She’s on her knees begging him not to see her as that girl who would bring her son into such messes.  He doesn’t play into her drama and reminds her constantly that he’s not worried about just her.  He’s seen her fall in love a thousand times, why should he think things with Dezmon are different?  And DING DING DING!  He’s right!  I have to commend him for considering his grandson first and foremost.

Next week, Royce continues sparring with her father with Dezmon present.  The ladies head to Tahiti, and Kesha is swimming with the sharks (literally)….and goes head-to-head with shark Tami.