For me, last night’s anticipation was palpable.  I mean, for serious!  We finally are going to get to see Kim Zolciak sans wig!  I can hardly contain myself.  So, dear readers, sit back and enjoy the recap for Don’t Be Tardy for the Wedding…it’s less than 48 hours in TV world until we meet Mrs. Kroy Biermann!

We begin, of course, with Kim telling precious K.J. about all the stress and craziness that surround her wedding plans.  I love that she informs him that her wig has yet to be cut and that dudes in Atlanta do in fact wear heels…especially if their name is Derek J.  Construction is in full swing for the nuptial scenario, and Kim and Kroy meet with security.  Kim is concerned about the people who have RSVP’ed to her wedding that she didn’t actually invite…aka perfect strangers (Balkie joke?  Nah).  She takes security on a tour of their home and informs them of who is allowed to be in the house…and it’s basically just family.  Kroy wants guns and dogs.  Armed security and Shepherds?  Check.


Kim is worried that her landlady Kendra will have an issue with their wedding.  Kendra is now requesting money for her decorating work–the nerve!  And right before the wedding!–so she and her husband have been cut from the invite list.  It’s 24 hours until the wedding, and Kim comes down with a funk.  She has a fever of 102, or so she says, but her wig looks very healthy.  Kim’s housekeeper vows to play bouncer at the reception.  Sidebar…does Panera have some sort of advertising agreement with Bravo?  This isn’t the first time this season I’ve seen Kim’s kitchen laden with Panera take-out bags.  Maybe she digs their soup–it is amazing, and no, I wasn’t paid to say that.  However, I do think I’d make a phenomenal Panera spokesperson.  Call me artisan bread bakers!

Jen sends Kim an e-mail that brings Kim to tears.  Basically, Jen tells Kim that she’s beyond happy for Kim and Kroy, but she hates that being matron-of-honor will put her in the limelight as well.  It’s a position in which she’s not at all comfortable given she hates being the center of attention.  It’s a touching e-mail, and by all accounts very sincere.  Kim immediately understands Jen’s stance and calls her friend in tears.  Jen reciprocates with sobs.  Thank goodness for subtitles.  Kim asks her to attend the wedding as her best friend and to help her get ready…but if Jen’s not comfortable being in the wedding, Kim totally understands.  Heck, Jen wouldn’t even be in her sisters’ weddings!

Tents are being built, bulldozers are sputtering about, and Kim’s jeweler arrives to regale Kim with jewelry on Kroy’s tab.  He informs her that Kroy has told him that Kim needs to pick out her wedding gift.  On top of that, the jeweler offers to let her wear another piece for her “something borrowed.”  It appears that Kroy won’t be getting away without paying less than $400K for a bracelet that Kim just. Has. To. Have.  You’re a rich good man, Kroy.

Landlady Kendra’s husband Antonio is on the street outside his/Kim’s house.  More his.  Security stops him at the driveway, but the guard informs her that Antonio plans to return…maybe with the police.  He wants to inspect the house.  Kim is upset that Kendra charged her $35,000 more than expected to decorate, but Kim will pay her…she has thirty days, duh!  Kim has other things to worry about.  She’s yet to fitted for her third–yes, THIRD–dress for the reception.

Kim talks to her assistant Niki.  Kim is not at all nervous about her impending nuptials.  The women are discussing various hairstyles for the different dresses for her big day.  OH. EM. GEE.  This is it!  We are about to see Kim without her wig!  Both Niki and Derek J think that Kim should wear her hair naturally for her big day.  I AGREE.  LET’S SEE IT!  Take off the wig, Kim!  She thinks they are crazy.  However, she sheds the hair.  It’s very dramatic and drawn out, just the way Bravo viewers like it.  A perfectly timed commercial break later, we’re all ready for the unveiling.  I honestly don’t even know what to do with myself!  Per the usual, Bravo’s mini-scene is a cute back-and-forth between Brielle and Ariana.  The girls are trying desperately to make Rice Krispie treats, and the sisters try to fit as many marshmallows in their mouths as humanly possible.  You have no idea how hard it is for me not to make a terribly inappropriate joke about this, but alas, I am too pumped to see the de-wigging.

IT’S TIME!  Derek J and Niki are discussing….wait, what?  Kim comes into the room in what I thought was a wig.  Her hair is amazing.  Why the hell does she wear those ridiculous wigs?  I so hope Kim goes sans wig for the wedding.  Are we all sure she’s not still wearing a wig?  I can’t get over how good her hair looks.  Like for real.  I may have to take a moment.  Okay, I’m back, and I need to know again, why the hell does Kim wear those ridiculous wigs?  Sorry.  It’s something that I won’t soon be over apparently.

Next week, it’s wedding bells for Kim and Kroy.  Kim is sporting a wig and popping prescription pills for her illness.  Jen arrives, but it’s tense.