Teen Mom 3 Recap: To Be Judged


Briana DeJesus, Alex Sekella, and Katie Yeager's crazy baby daddy drama continues to dominate Teen Mom 3. I find it utterly fascinating that Mackenzie Douthit – trees use oxygen more efficiently than this girl – comes across as the most stable and well-adjusted Teen Mom of this group. ​

This week, Mackenzie finds tumbling practice to be more exhausting than it used to be. Coach tries to put things into perspective for the young mom – she has the potential to cheer on a college level but she needs to be able to 1) practice on a that level while attending classes and taking care of Gannon and 2) pay for college.  Mackenzie's banking on Josh McKee (and his already scrambled brains) on winning rodeos so she can be a cheerleader.

Next Katie discovers that Joey Maes overdrew their checking account, costing them $90 in bank fees, and she worries he's using their grocery money to buy drugs. Katie gets on Joey's case the second he walks through the door, as per usual, and he blows her off to play with Molli. Katie throws bank statements at Joey (and Molli) and they argue for the 300th time since the premiere.


Josh insists he needs money for lunch, to which Katie says, "Your lunch is a f–king big fat bowl of weed!" The rest of the fight goes "f–k, f–k, full of shit, f–k, f–k, full of shit, f–k, f–k."  Why are these two kids engaged to be married? 

Meanwhile Alex's mom makes her own discovery. Matt McCann left a huge mess in her basement while he was crashing there. And it apparently took two weeks for anyone to find their way downstairs. Mom asks Alex for help to clean it up. "Weeee are not cleaning anything," yells Alex. "Heeee is cleaning this." Alex calls Matt – Mom reminds her to say please. Alex says please – then she yells. Mom takes control of the conversation before Alex's mouth ruins every chance of having her basement cleaned.

Devoin Austin stops by to see Nova.  He bounces her on his lap for a whopping ten minutes, then splits. Briana says she's over him, whining, "Devoin came over and ignored me." Misery oozes out of this girl's pores. I'd ignore her too. Plus, Devoin was there to see Nova, not her. So Briana decides she doesn't need a baby daddy if he doesn't want her. "I've done this on my own for seven months with your help and Brittany's help," she says to Mom. "I think we'll be okay for the next 18 years." 

Mackenzie and her mom shop for baby food while Josh and his dad talk about the dangers of the rodeo. Josh doesn't want to hear the worst possible outcomes. His eye (were he not allergic to eye contact) is on the prize. "If I make it to the top, I can start winning money," he says. "It will help me with Mackenzie and Gannon." Josh goes on to say that bull riding is "rough" but the "only way" he knows to get a (possible and completely random) paycheck. Dad smiles at Josh, says he'll be praying for him. Josh looks at Dad with a blank expression, spits out his chew juice. #WarmandFuzzies


Katie and Joey continue to hate on each other. She nags, he belittles. Good times. Because money is tight – ie, Joey rolled up and smoked away their food money – Joey's mom cooks dinner for the youngins. Joey refuses to be in the same house as Katie, so he sits in his truck outside. Joey's much younger sister reminds him that he must love Katie a lot since he proposed to her. Joey responds, "That don't mean nothing nowadays," adding, "It's not a Cinderella movie no more." 

Next Matt comes to clean up the pigsty he created. Mom orders Alex to stay away from Matt. She listens – but stews. Matt wants to give Arabella a goodbye kiss on his way out, but Alex shoos him away. Mom passes judgment on that decision. "He has no right to her," Alex screams in her defense. "She doesn't deserve his shit. He's done enough damage to her as it is." Matt storms off. Alex runs behind, calling him a dumbass. Note to Alex: Arabella also doesn't deserve to hear you scream all the time. Get some help. Please. 

Mackenzie and her family are off to Josh's first rodeo of the season. Being there for Josh is very important to Mackenzie, so she starts to panic when Dad gets lost on the way. Meanwhile Katie and Joey argue about Joey's habit. He admits he's a pot head but doesn't want to quit. Katie is not impressed.


Briana decides to cut Devoin out of her and Nova's life for good. Again. Briana invites Devoin over, to inform him of her decision, and Mom leaves the room with Nova when he arrives. Briana says she's disappointed in Devoin, adding, "You're not the father you're supposed to be. You don't help. Me, my mom, and my sister done this by ourselves for the past seven months, we could do it for a lifetime." Devoin challenges Briana to tell him, point blank, that she wants him gone. She does.


Devoin argues that Nova needs a dad. And, on that note, Mom storms into the room (Nova in her arms) and tells Devoin to get the f–k out of her house. Devoin yells back. Mom gets physical. Another week of screaming, fighting, pushing, and swearing in front of the baby. I'm sorry but Saint Briana and her perfect mother aren't any better than the rest of 'em. 

Mackenzie throws a temper tantrum when she finds out she missed Josh's bull riding. She freaks out so much, she scares Gannon. Mackenzie jumps out of the car, to find Josh, paying no mind to her sobbing baby. Josh fill Mackenzie and the fam in – he was disqualified, hit his head again, no money earned. I'm not following why Josh cannot hold down a regular job – for consistent pay – and do rodeos in his spare time – for fun and extra cash. Anyone?

Matt visits his caseworker and learns he tested positive for marijuana. He doesn't care, saying, "It's only a little bit of weed." Caseworker attempts to explain "sober" to Matt (he obvi subscribes to Jenelle Evans' definition of the word) and then she asks where he plans to live now that he's been kicked out of Alex's house and his mom is leaving town. Matt's "plan" is to be homeless because he hasn't made any effort to research other options. Caseworker refers him to a transitional living center for homeless men. She warns, they have a zero tolerance policy for drugs, including little bits of weed. Where Arabella is concerned, caseworker tells Matt to figure out his living situation and work on being all kinds of sober, and then she'll help him apply for visitation rights. 

Katie and Joey return to (much needed) counseling. Katie's angry with Joey for smoking pot again. Joey's upset with Katie for not trusting his judgment. Katie shares that her dad has a history of drug use, so she knows how much it can tear apart a family. Joey tells Katie that it's not fair of her to hold her father's mistakes against him. "I go to work every night," he says. "I come home every day. I do everything you want. [Pot] is the only thing I do wrong." Once again, Katie is not impressed, and she makes it be known that this issue could break their relationship once and for all. Joey says he doesn't want to lose his family over smoking pot. 

Meanwhile Mackenzie (wisely) asks Josh to get a side job to supplement his (nonexistent) rodeo pay. Josh agrees but truly believes one can make a career out of rodeo. Mackenzie argues, they've been waiting two years to get married (she's only 17, right?), and she wants a nice wedding and a nice house. Also? Gannon is expensive! (not to mention her private tumbling lessons) Josh professes his love for Mackenzie – and the rodeo. Of course.  

Briana pulls a Kail Lowry and abuses the legal system refiles the order of protection against Devoin. When an officer serves the order, Devoin tweets, "I'M A FREE MAN!" Brittany surmises, "He's a free man cause he doesn't' have to bother with Nova and Bri nagging him about Nova," adding, "It's all right, I'll father Nova, bitch!" Briana's visibly shaken. Mom reassures Briana that she's strong enough to see this through and move on with her life.


Photo credit: MTV