Teen Mom 3 Recap: Go Whiny, It’s Your Birthday!


This week's episode of Teen Mom 3 is fairly boring and uneventful. But, when we're talking about disturbingly unhealthy relationships, this isn't necessarily a bad thing. Briana DeJesus celebrates her birthday, while Alex Sekella goes on a date. And Mackenzie Douthit and Katie Yeager struggle with being on a break from Josh McKee and Joey Maes.

It's Briana's 18th birthday. Mom agrees to watch Nova overnight so Bri can hang with her friends at a hotel. Briana, in all her socially awkward glory, plans to go clubbing behind mom's back. Mom and Brittany talk about Bri's big night out ad nauseam. Brittany thinks Briana is too irresponsible to be out all night on her own, yet she gifts her with $50 to have fun. Plus she put money aside for Nova's diapers for the week. Best nanny ever!

Matt McCann calls Alex to report that his stint in rehab is coming to an end. He's doing really well, and when given the choice to either come home or go to a halfway house, he chose halfway house. He worries he'll fall right back in with the same crowd if he comes home too soon, however, he plans to use a day pass to visit Arabella on her birthday. Alex happily supports Matt's decisions. 



Alex tells Mom about the call from Matt,  adding,  "I will care about him as a human being and the father of my child but I will not care about him any other way. I've moved on." Mom prefers Matt to be 100% out of the picture because he's a bad role model, but Alex thinks it's important for Arabella to have a father figure in her life. She realizes, however, that his presence puts added pressure on her to do good and to set a good example. 

Worth noting: two Alex scenes – no screaming, no bumps to Arabella's head, though her legs and feet are filthy, and no epic meltdowns. 

Mackenzie reveals it's been six days since she last talked to Josh. I assume he also hasn't bothered with his son. Mackenzie lies in bed feeling sorry for herself while her mom takes care of Gannon. She miraculously recovers when a friend visits.  Amazing, huh?  Together, they Skype a third friend, and Mackenzie jokingly gives her a hard time for being blissfully attached to a boy. "Boys are douchebags," she says. "Sleeping with the same person your whole life, you're going to get so bored." The girls plan a "no boys" camping trip.


Katie and Joey complain about each other to friends and family. As per usual. Later, when Mumble McMumbleson attempts to break up with Katie, she challenges the idea. She's sick of the way he treats her, but she doesn't want to lose him or see him with other girls either. Joey backs down a bit and suggests a two week separation instead. Katie tells Joey, if you love me, you wouldn't want a break. Joey counters, if you're not happy, you should.

Briana's off to the club. Her friends crowd around her while she texts her mom incessantly and whines about the dance music and a person bumping into her. Princess Briana isn't having any fun and wants to leave. Meanwhile, at home, Brittany and Mom look equally miserable. 

Alex, who works three jobs, goes to school, and takes care of a baby, decides she has both the desire and the time to date again. She reconnects with an old friend, David, via text and she immediately makes plans to introduce him to Arabella. My head explodes. Alex brings her sister and her best friend, as well as her baby, to her date with David.  Cozy.  Alex declares David a great catch after one round of mini golf. 

Listening to Mackenzie's camping trip sounds much like listening to my six-year-old daughter play Barbies. (giggles) We're not going to talk about boys! (hehe) Where do things stand with Josh? (giggles) No boy talk. (hehe) Are you going to reach out to Josh? (giggles) No. Because boys drool. (hehe) Actually I think my daughter's pretend talks make more sense. (truth) 


Joey doesn't show up to see Molli when Katie expected him to so she calls his phone. Constantly. He shows up, though the time line isn't clear, and she gives him a hard time for disappearing and ignoring her. Joey reminds Katie that they're split up, so he's free to do whatever he wants, as is she. Katie whines about having to sit around the house all day waiting for him to call.

Um, that's the beauty of the cell phone, Katie. You can bring it with you when you leave the house. 

Their argument escalates, of course, and Katie calls Joey a deadbeat baby daddy. Wow. Joey reminds Katie that he pays for everything for her and Molli, adding, "I'm curious to see what you're going to do without your deadbeat baby daddy." Later, Joey tells his parents that he loves Katie, but she makes being with her nearly impossible. And Katie cries because she really thought she and Joey were going to beat the odds.

Briana returns home, and Mom's immediately like, "You OK?"  HAHAHA  Drama queen Briana whines about her awful big girl experience but keeps details to a minimum ("we were hanging outttt and talkingggg and stuffff") when Mom and Brittany push for specifics.  The next day,  Briana feels guilty about lying,  so she fesses up about the club.  Mom's. Worst. Nightmare.  Briana promises she didn't have fun, to which Mom says, "I'm glad. Don't ever do that again." 


Mackenzie is home too. She falls to the ground, resumes her pity party, and asks Mom to make her lunch. Seriously? Later, Josh finally texts Mack, though he only asks her to come for her saddle.  Mackenzie – with Gannon in tow – rushes to Josh's house. Guess who isn't even home! She sure gets a lot of use out of the folding metal chair sitting on his front porch. Mackenzie waits. For 45 minutes. Josh never shows. 

Much to Katie's dismay, Joey has no plans to hang out for a while when he brings Molli home. Katie starts to cry. Joey attempts to talk to her rationally, but Katie starts in with her passive aggressive games and talks in circles. One minute she's begging him to stay, the next minute she's kicking him out. 

Joey tells Katie that she's welcome to stay in the apartment – and he'll pay all the bills until she's in a better place emotionally and financially – but he's done with her. He only wants to see Molli now. "You didn't even try," bemoans Katie. "I told myself this was going to freaking happen, then you made me believe it wasn't going to happen, then you do it any ways." 

Joey refuses to fight with Katie in front of Molli for once. She kicks him out. "I don't want to see you or talk to you," declares Katie. "Get out of here." 


Photo credit: MTV

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