Real Housewives of Miami Finale Recap: Speeding Towards The Altar


Last night Joanna Krupa made it down the aisle on Real Housewives of Miami, but not without some serious hijinks! Like oversleeping, missing her flight, and ending up on a cheeseball pseudo-dramatic roadtrip to San Diego with Lea Black driving like a bitch out of hell. 

After the epic bachelorette party, Joanna leaps out of bed in full makeup only to learn that she's tragically late. She rouses the other girls, whose lack of artifice make me think that perhaps they really did over-sleep. Lisa Hochstein and Joanna have forgiven each other for their drunken whore-gument the night before. Lisa is passed out on the floor or something and has no recollection of storming off the party bus after humping the open bar. Which is for the best. 

Everyone scrambles to get ready, choose the perfect accessories and 6" heels for travel, while Lea actually arranges said travel. They end up renting an SUV, getting stranded in the dessert when Fembot needs to stop to vomit up nuts, bolts, and silicone and Adriana de Moura attempts to pee against the wind in a flowy maxi dress and some serious stripper heels. Again, who wears that on a ROAD TRIP. It's called JEANS. Well at least everyone is having fun, not taking things too seriously, and joking about the drunken antics. 



I'd like to take this moment to pause and discuss Joanna's new confessional hairdo. It was certainly inspired by Best In Show and was reminiscent of a cockadoodle and a cocker spaniel. It was the worst case of hairspray abuse I've seen outside of RHONJ and it was dreadful in every way. I could go on and on lambasting it, calling it 70's, geriatric, and insane, but I won't because Joanna was actually really OK last night. 

After explaining to Romain what happened and enduring a mini-lecture on alcoholism, Joanna and crew make it. Marta, greatly subdued and seeming strangely wooden and unemotional, finally appears. She and Romain are getting along but all her interactions with Joanna seem odd, forced, and insincere. Romain's brother made it to be the best man and Joanna's entire family is there. Everyone is emotional and happy. 

In short, this felt like a real wedding. It didn't seem like the plastic, over-blown freak shows we usually get on these shows and compared to Adriana's wedding it felt full of love and intimacy. Basically I think Adriana had a wedding for a storyline and some attention, while Joanna threw her own wedding and it was about her and Romain. I like it. 

Adriana had some good moments last night. She apologized to Joanna's mom for calling Joanna a hooker and a whore and for slapping her. Joanna's mother graciously accepted. Adriana and Joanna seem to be getting along, which is nice. Fembot and Lenny are working on their relationship and found a surrogate to carry their baby. Unfortunately it did not work out, but it seems Lisa is wrapping her gorgeous hair and surgically altered head around the idea of using a surrogate at least because she wants a baby more than anything. 


Lea was Lea. She tried to throw a spa day for everyone but with all the wedding nonsense happening no one had time or energy to advertise Lea Black Skincare – except eternal camera seeker Adriana! She showed up and put on her boo face to cry about how much she misses Lea and thought their friendship was back on track. Au contraire, Lea admits she really doesn't care if she ever sees Adriana again because she's seen her true colors and they ain't rosy!

I don't know how I felt about such a hard-nosed approach from Lea but if it's true that off-camera Adriana was going all around Miami badmouthing Lea and spreading rumors, I wouldn't be so forgiving either! 

Alexia Echevarria and Lisa also put their arguments behind them and agree to be each other's dates to Joanna's wedding since their hubbies cannot attend. After all, who has a wedding on a Thursday?! Alexia is really missing her family when Peter surprises her by showing up. Alexia is thrilled and shares that the real Peter is coming back and she will never give up on her son.

I like Alexia in mom and wife role, but sometimes I think she tries too hard to get caught up in the drama and forgets to follow her heart. I've liked her honesty in confronting her family issues and in admitting she doesn't always know how to help her sons. 


The wedding was very sweet. Romain cried and was adorable. I love Romain! Everyone seemed genuinely happy for the couple and the only co-star in Joanna's wedding was Lisa, who actually was her friend pre-RHOM which felt appropriate.

I wish Joanna and Romain all the happiness in the world and I'm glad they stayed true to themselves and threw their own wedding without succumbing to the demands of reality TV! Well, I wish they would have caved when it came to Joanna's dress – WTF was she wearing?! Someone should have told her no on that mess. 

[Photo Credits:]



The bridal party!