Last night's episode of Teen Mom 2 temporarily humanized our snarkiness as Leah Calvert learned the realities of Ali's muscular dystrophy. 

Kail Lowry heads to an ultrasound appointment sans Javi Marroquin because Jo Rivera won't let her move out of state with Isaac and now she's all allllloneee! Apparently she's been emotionally eating to drown her sorrows because the doctor warns her that gaining a pound and a half per week isn't a good idea. "Lay off the fettuccine alfredo," he instructs. 

Everything looks healthy but Kail is waiting until Javi can be there to find out the sex. Kail calls Javi from the car and complains that she's soooo stressed planning a wedding while pregnant. Maybe postpone the wedding until after you've had the baby then? Just a thought – especially since they're already legally married for the benefits and stuff. 

Then Kail and Jo have a major custody blowup. Kail is now refusing to bring Isaac to Jo's parents' if he's not home. On their custody exchange day, Kail learns from Jo that he's running late so she calls Javi – in front of Isaac – to whine about what a terrible, negligent parent Jo is. Nice Kail.



They decide Kail will keep Isaac until Jo is home because at least he is with one of his parents instead of those horrible people Jo calls parents who like totally don't want to spend time with Isaac and can't possibly be good for him. #sarcasm. Kail asks Isaac if he spends more time with his grandparents or Jo, and Isaac says his grandparents. 

Instead Kail takes Isaac out to dinner with her friends where continues her tirade against Jo. Kail totally didn't have time to eat her fettuccine in between all the text fighting she was doing with Jo – and screenshotting it to send to her attorney. Well at least Isaac was cute and seems happy despite having Grumpy Cat for a mommy.

One of Kail's friends says Jo is jealous Kail has moved on – she smirks secretly. When Kail finally drops Isaac off 2 hours late Jo is furious. While they're both nice-ish in front of Isaac, as he runs off to play with grandma, they start arguing about whose fault it was that Jo lost time with Isaac. As Kail is stomping back to the car Jo hisses, "I hope your f–king water breaks tonight." Yikes! WHOA! Too bad Kail couldn't screenshot that to show her attorney. 

Chelsea Houska is, like, working hard to mature-up, so she invites Adam Lind to Aubree's preschool orientation. He arrives in an over-compensating monster truck (HOW IS HE LEGALLY DRIVING?! HOW CAN HE AFFORD THOSE TRUCK PAYMENTS?!) – and he's late, of course. He's also dressed like a slob and still trying to hide his receding hairline with a mowhawk. Chelsea nags at him like an old married couple. They manage to get through the orientation without stabbing each other with pencils. 


In the parking lot Chelsea giggles and flirts with Adam while I hid behind a pillow cringing. Just. NO! He's disgusting. I can smell his grossness from here. His teeth are two-toned. Plus, he is covering up his receding hairline with a mohawk. Even worse he forgets Aubree's birthday – he seriously didn't know what day his daughter was born. 

Chelsea and her mom discuss A-d-a-m and the new b-a-b-y; Chelsea is sad that Aubree's first sibling won't be a product of a traditional family and they will barely see each other. Chelsea's mom hopes with TWO KIDS Adam will get his life together. According to my Magic Hate Ball, all signs point to "Doubtful" 

Later, under piles of rusty-red weave, Chelsea admits to her friend Chelsey that there's always this weird "sexual" tension with Adam. Maybe two people with terrible hair belong together? The heart wants what the hair wants. 

Jenelle Evans is still a hot mess. Apparently she's found true-love-of-the-month Nathan Griffith. They have a heart-to-camera on the beach about the status of their 6 minute relationship. Nathan tells Jenelle he's never met a girl like her before (Oh really?! I don't think that was a compliment!) but that he trusts that this is going places. Places like Nathan in the tabloids because he's a <cough, cough> famewhore!  


While I was staring at Jenelle's terrible dyejob, Jenelle says her anxiety doesn't exist anymore now that she has such a good guy like Nathan in her life. She's decided she won't use heroin anymore because Nathan is so important. Not Jace… Speaking of which, Babs is at home caring for him while Jenelle does Jenelle. 

In between dates Jenelle visits with her attorney Dustin Sullivan. And she also turned into an Oompa Loompa. She was the color of Cheetos. And just as fake as she pretended to have some concern and remorse over the pending felony on her record. Jenelle monotones that if she gets a felony she won't be able to go into her dream job in the "medical field". Silly me, I thought Jenelle's dream job was Twitter. Dustin rolls his eyes and sends MTV a bill. They have to keep their no. 1 trainwreck out of prison, after all! #ratings

Later Barb warns Jenelle not to move too fast with Nathan. "But he has a job," Jenelle whines, "and no record." And low standards. Babs wants Jenelle to focus on the very real possibility of prison time and how that will affect Jace. Jenelle blank faces for a second, "Who's Jace?… Oh right!"

Jenelle says she can't imagine leaving Jace, and to quote my illustrious co-writer and Teen Mom genius, Melissa, "Jenelle can't imagine leaving Jace… till the penis of the month shows up… #PenisFlyTrap" And at that moment Nathan shows up to take her on a date. 

He comes in and meets Barb awkwardly. And then Jace starts beating Jenelle upside the head – smart kid! She starts threatening to spank him,  then throws him down on the couch and runs out the door. Meanwhile Barb consoles him as he cries. After the charming display of exemplary parenting Nathan and Jenelle have "the talk" about their relationship.

Nathan asks Jenelle to move her stuff in with him because Barbara nags her too much about getting her shit together. And they like haven't fought in the 16 seconds they've spent together. We all know that didn't last! And to quote Melissa again, "Hey, I just met you, and this is crazy. But I might go to prison for heroin, so call me maybe."

One person who is actually trying to do the right thing – save for her hair which obviously she let Ali and Aleeah dye – is Leah.

Ali is going to see her specialist Dr. Tsao to learn more about her condition. Leah and Jeremy drive her the three hours away where they meet Corey with his dad and step-mom. You know, say whatever you want about Leah feeding her kid M&Ms and Mt. Dew, and using Crayola Violet Haze in her set-and-forget-it hair (seriously that thing is a work of sheer amazement that just grows bushier and bushier) and eyeshadow, but she and Corey are the most adult parents on this show. And they have nice parents. And nice spouses. And they love those girls. And they truly do handle it all extremely well. 

Leah doesn't want to confront the obvious that Ali's disability is going to profoundly affect her physically as she grows. Then the doctor tells them Ali will have to use a wheelchair. After the appointment they all go out to lunch where the shock is palpable among the adults. Corey's dad reminds them that no matter what Ali is an amazing girl with an amazing future.

Leah is sad that Ali will have to go to school in a wheelchair, and poor Corey is completely in denial. I wish they weren't talking about it in front of Ali, who is nearly 4 and can understand everything perfectly since she's such a smart little girl, but I guess they all needed to recover from the shock and rely on each other. Then Leah and Jeremy take Ali to get fitted for her first wheelchair. 

In the car on the ride home, Leah breaks down. She wipes (non-purple) snot all over her shirt as Ali dozes in the backseat. "You have to be strong for her," Jeremy consoles. "When you're 16 and pregnant you never imagine your kid could have health problems," Leah bawls. Jeremy hugs her and really my heart did break. We all love you Ali and we know you're strong, smart, and capable! And Leah, please do something about that hair. I know the girls love Barney, but a fashion inspiration he is not! 

[Photo Credits: MTV]



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