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After the second episode back on Keeping up with the Kardashians, I believe that it has become clear this show should be retitled Keeping up With Kris Jenner – with cameo appearances made by relatives and ex-husbands. The episode kicks off with the ever adorable Penelope and Mason Disick. Oh Ryan Seacrest you know how to lure us in!

Khloe Kardashian is on a mission to get Miss Penelope to say her name. Naturally she decides to use food as a bargaining chip. Not just any food; she’s using ice-cream and sprinkles! Unfortunately for Aunt Khloe, Penelope suffers from selective mutism and shows no interest in Ko-Ko’s tactics. Miss Penelope has better will power than I do, that’s for sure!

Over at Khloe’s we finally get some Bruce Jenner time and they are finally addressing the hair situation! Bruce is getting a haircut, but it’s not a real haircut, it’s basically a pretend one. You know the kind. Penelope could have used her play scissors and pretended to be a hairdresser for a quick 10 seconds while Grandpa is the client. Khloe is confused that the ponytail is not actually being chopped off. She can’t hide her shock. I don’t blame her. Bruce’s hairdresser suggests long layers; as his hair apparently has taken own its own identity. I’m sorry, but unless the hairdresser suggested shaving that mop off, I don’t think he should be trusted. At all. Quite frankly I think Penelope would have done a better job at this point. She might have been the first mute hairdresser!

Khloe is scared the haircut may invoke an emotional episode for Bruce. Bruce agrees the chop will be hard on him. Kourtney empathizes with Bruce and his unhealthy attachment to his hair and compares it to her growing out her eyebrows. Apparently Kourtney enjoys growing out her brows and hates herself when she gives in to tweezing her cave woman eyebrows because society forces her to. This girl is taking her earth mother role way too seriously. #TweezersAreOurFriends

Unfortunately in this instance it’s not society asking Bruce to cut his hair it's Kris Jenner.  I’m a little surprised Bruce would do anything Kris asked. I mean isn’t he finally free of Kontrolling Kris? Poor Bruce, the whole point of getting this divorce was so he could have his balls independence back. Unfortunately for Kris, the big chop was actually a tiny trim. Khloe can’t see a difference and nor can I for that matter. Bruce decides he wants some highlights and Kris walks in right on cue. You see Kris couldn’t cope with Bruce getting all the attention. Jealous Jenner wanted some highlights too! Kris immediately targets the length of Bruce’s hair and questions the chop. Although they are separated she still wants Bruce to look and feel his best. I think she’s just jealous his hair is longer and prettier than hers.

Over at Scott and Kourtney’s house, Kourtney is excited to have some old artwork from Scott’s late mom and dad flown to Calabasas. You see Kourtney believes the artwork is a legitimate Amedeo Modigliani panting. Evidently, she has become an art guru overnight. Scott is skeptical, but Kourtney believes because it has been in the family for generations it could be legit. I think they are legit reaching for a storyline here, because the last Modigliani sold for more than one hundred million dollars. Kourtney and Khloe dream of private planes and champagne breakfasts. Wait, isn’t that their lifestyle now?

Bruce decides to stop by at Casa de Kris. I think that his hat was too tight and cut off the circulation to his brain, which explains his lapse in judgment for his impromptu visit. Although it’s a victory for Bruce because there is food in Kris’s fridge so he treats himself to a free sandwich! #Winning

Kris is concerned Bruce is malnourished and not looking after himself. Bruce says his health is fine but his relationship with Kylie is not. He feels like Kylie has stopped connecting with him since his move to Malibu. Kris explains it’s not personal; it’s just Kylie being a typical teenager and wanting to hang out with her friends instead of her parents.

Speaking of Kylie, she is hanging out with great role models her sisters. Khloe thinks Kim is puff the magic dragon because of her incessant yawning and apparently little North has inherited Mommy's habits. Kim suddenly starts talking about how cute North was yesterday when she peed all over Kanye’s lap. My definition of ‘cute’ and Kim’s are definitely different, but oh how I wish that moment had been filmed! Khloe wonders if Kanye freaked out. Kim denies it but I’m with Khloe something tells me that Yeezus wouldn’t have been so calm.

Khloe and Kim school Kylie on trying to make an effort to get out to Malibu and spend more time with her Dad. Kylie seems to be more engrossed in her phone than her sisters’ advice. The girls start talking about how Bruce may potentially be on the next Dancing with the Stars. Khloe believes it’s true because she read it online. Kim responds by saying you can’t believe what you read online because she read that she’s apparently sleeping with a donkey. No Kim, you misread it. You are sleeping with an ASS. Khloe cheekily says she thought she was sleeping with a donkey-man. Kylie joins in too, and just like that Yeezus’s new name is Donkey-Man!

Kris decides Bruce should join her and Kylie for a Yoga session in order to have some quality time with Kylie. Kylie seems like she isn’t being paid enough to actually act interested in listening to what Mommy dearest is ranting about on their drive to yoga. Bruce’s interest in yoga is about as strong as his interest in cutting his hair, he decides to abandon ship and go and play some golf.

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After the failed yoga attempt Kris organizes a rock climbing session with Bruce, Kylie and her friend. Kris decides it’s an opportune time to bring up that she found one of her missing dresses in Kylie’s wardrobe. Kylie acts like a brat instead of apologizing. She becomes defensive and decides to leave. While Kris shouldn’t have brought it up right then, Kylie shouldn’t be allowed to get so bratty and run off. Bruce is oblivious to everything and asks where Kylie has gone after he finishes with the paperwork. Kris lies and says Kylie was feeling sensitive. Kris clearly didn’t want to admit she actually instigated Kylie’s mini meltdown, by deciding to scold her daughter right before daddy-daughter time which sent their teenager into an emotional tail spin. Now I am no expert in child rearing, but Kris Jenner should be at this point. She’s had like 20 already right? Surely she knew badgering her 16 year old daughter would push her to react like an irrational teen? Bruce is upset and rightly so, he is getting frustrated that every time he turns around Kylie is pulling a Keyser Söze and disappearing on him.

The Modigliani painting has arrived and Kourtney and Aunt CeeCee jump up and down with glee and shared fantasies of retirement. I’m confused as to what Kourtney and Scott actually do other than this show? It seems like they are basically retired. Khloe arrives and also gets excited and immediately jumps on the bandwagon. Unfortunately Khloe knows nothing about art its ok because neither does Kourtney. She's easily excited and desperately wants the artwork to be appraised. Scott is against the whole idea. He feels like they are setting themselves up for misery as the chances of it being the missing Modigliani is very unlikely. I can’t believe two episodes in a row I am agreeing with Scott. I think the girls are being ridiculous, but in their defense it is fun to dream!  Although I am pretty sure these ladies are living quite the jet set lifestyle already.

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After the failed yoga & rock climbing daddy-daughter dates, Kris decides a cooking class is just the thing to bring Bruce and Kylie together. She cites strength in numbers for bringing along Kim, Kourtney and Khloe, but we know it’s because Kim signed a Kontract that says she has to at least make a cameo appearance each episode. Apparently Bruce wasn’t aware it was a cooking class, and he just wishes he was at golf. Side note: the food actually looks delicious! I can sort of understand why this family all have gigantic bottoms! Kim announces she has found one of Bruce’s hairs in her food. This is clearly where her contractual obligations for the episode end. #ByeByeKimmie

Kris immediately protests that if Bruce would have just chopped off his hair like she asked, Kim wouldn’t have been sampling his hair as an appetizer. Bruce retaliates by saying one of the best parts of living in Malibu is being away from Kris and her controlling behavior. The message seems to hit home as Kris decides to loosen the reigns and let Bruce be. #YayForBruce

Over Kourtney and Scott’s house they are waiting on their appraiser – David Streets to arrive. After a little look, David announces that he believes it to be legitimate. I honestly can’t believe it, and I think Kourtney shares that same astonishment/excitement because it’s the most expressive I’ve ever seen her in all 9 seasons! Kourt and Scott call their real estate agent who suggest they get in contact with Sotheby’s to find out for sure. Scott has notably changed his tune about the painting, and he is suddenly protecting the painting like it’s his firstborn. Besides, he is picking out carpet color for his private jet!

Bruce, Kylie and Khloe are out to lunch. Bruce brings up Kendall’s bare chested modeling photos; he feels it wasn’t such a good move for her modeling career.  Khloe retorts that she is all over Vogue at the moment and Kylie feels that if it was good enough for Kate Moss, then exposing your tatas is good enough for Kendall! Oh dear. Bruce decides that the girls are well, on team ‘The Girls’ and it’s a losing battle. He instead decides to talk about how he has been feeling let down and abandoned by everyone. Poor Brucey, if these girls spent a fraction of time with him as they did on Instagram he’d be more than happy! Maybe even a little overwhelmed!

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Finally the verdict on the painting is in! The anticipation is killing me! Unfortunately it turns out to be a fake. Le sad.  Scott’s reaction is priceless. Now I see why he tried so hard not to get his hopes up! When that guy is disappointed his old rage issues come flooding back! #MiamiMeltdowns After a little while Scott decides to look at the glass half full, at least now he doesn’t need to worry about getting a hangar and a pilot and staff for his private jet. Oh Scott, I can’t blame you for trying! Some you win and some you lose! Although I’d have to say the entire Kardashian/Jenner clan are doing pretty well for themselves without an additional one hundred million in their bank accounts! 


Recap Author: Gina P.


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