Real Housewives of Melbourne Recap – Taking Care Of Business


After some internet/cable snafus with my new house, the Real Housewives Of Melbourne recaps have returned! So I’m catching up from the last couple of weeks.  Bear with me people. 

Lydia Schiavello is paying a visit with her old girlfriend, Lisa. Lydia spilled the beans about the crazo beach weekend with the ladies.  Lisa has been depraving herself of carbs since in utero and now is busy running her company while her husband retires. Lydia absolutely cannot imagine going to work full-time while her husband, Andrew stays home. The thought of it!! While Lisa discusses with Lydia about her intensely stressful week (raising capital, running the company, etc.), Lydia chimes in with, “Well, as long so you stay sexy for your husband”.  Huh? Wha??? Lisa is all, “It was so nice to see you and I just don’t have any friends like you!” (Backhanded compliment). Lydia is an idiot.

On a similar delusional front, Andrea Moss is meeting with a book publisher to discuss her book idea.  In  a nutshell, Andrea is writing this book to other moms who are unorganized hot  messes that can keep their $hit together. Andrea want to tell them to get up, get a job and hire nannies to have it all.  The publisher responds, “Yeah, maybe you should get a blog going on your website and garner a following first and see how that goes first before you jump into a book”. Translation: No one is going to take your advice. Andrea being the over-confident ass that she is, feels that a book first is the route for her.  Don’t mind the professional that has been doing this for probably 20+ years advising you – Andrea you are pompous and an ego-maniac! Andrea’s sensing that maybe self-publishing is the way to go for her book.  Oh jeez.  Good luck Andrea! 
Jackie Gillies and Ben are meeting with their distillery team to discuss next steps for their cocktail line launch. The distillery guy is all business and essentially serves them a plate full of you have have no idea what you’re doing.  During the meeting, it’s apparent that Jackie and Ben have no idea what they’re doing. From the cost of production to their domain name for their brand – it feels like it is their first day on earth in this meeting.  After discovering that it will cost about $200k to get this off the ground, Jackie is still pushing to continue with their plan. Ben gulps and nervously laughs that they might not know what they are doing.  This is the classic recipe for start-up gone wrong. Who is advising them? Where are the other employees of La Mascara cocktails? Do not tell me it is just Ben and Jackie?? I think they saw a Skinny girl and thought, “We could do this!”. Um, no.
Lydia meets Andrea for lunch to discuss the disaster beach getaway and I’m already bored with this plot. Andrea get over it – Gina said her peace and your $40k tennis court was fine. Your maid cleaned up the bronzer on your guest bathroom floor and the world didn’t end.  I can’t even remember how Lydia is involved in this mess. 

As a breath of fresh air, Janet Roach is visiting with Andrea’s husband, plastic surgeon Chris Moss, to discuss her sons recovery from his accident this past year. He burned about 70% of his body at party and Dr. Moss is helping with his facial reconstruction. Janet is a great mom – she might a little loopy with men, but is evident her kids are her main priority.

Rolling out the red carpet for the opening of the Liberty Belle Skin Spa – all the ladies get together to support Andrea’s new venture.  Sans Gina Liano, the group seems to be jiving nicely.  They take a tour and barf, Lydia makes a joke about being being tied up when she tests out the operating chair. Stop Lydia – it’s creepy! What’s even creepier is Jackie invites Lydia to go lingerie shopping for her hot date with Ben.  Jackie picks out some amazing pieces and Lydia wants to know every detail about the date. Of course she does. 
Date night with Ben arrives and at the restaurant Jackie wants knot but the best and literally orders the most expensive bottle on the list.  Who does that? Even the waitress is taken aback by her request.  Post dinner, Ben surprises her with a romantic boat ride and kick ass diamond earrings! Just because he loves her. Sigh!
Chyka Keebaugh is throwing a spring/summer launch party for her clients and invites all the ladies.  The groups is having a ball and then dun dun dun, Gina shows up.  Andrea and Lydia muster up the manners to say hello. Then the old lady dance moves bust out of the crew and Andrea’s husband shows up. He greets them and asks Gina about the Mission Beach trip. Apparently, Andrea hasn’t informed him what went down. That’s a bit odd, and Andrea hints that she doesn’t want to involve Chris.  I kinda get it – but also think Chris is really reasonable and probably doesn’t have time to deal with the petty drama.  They end the night with a toast to the Melbourne skyline and moving on. From looks of next week’s episode, I’m not sure that’s possible!
Recap Author: Bonnie K.
Photo Credit: Bravo TV