My Five Wives Recap: Rocking The Boat

 my five wives

On last night’s My Five Wives, Paulie’s eldest son Josh leaves for a 2-year mission trip, Robyn shakes up the sleeping schedule with a controversial proposition, and Brady Williams treats Rhonda to a version of National Lampoon’s Vegas Vacation for their 15th anniversary.

Because she feels like she can’t connect with Brady in the short time she gets with him every 5 days, Robyn asks if she can have 2 nights in a row with him instead of continue on the 1-night-per-wife rotation. This means that each wife will have to wait 8 days between seeing Brady for their next conjugal “visit.” He seems ok with it, so Robyn’s mission is to now ask the rest of the wives if they’d be on board with each having 2-nights-per-wife going forward. In the interest of less math, we’re going to henceforth call this proposition the TwoPer!

Rosemary is approached with the new request first and is hesitant to agree, given that Brady will be away from each wife for 8 nights between their shared time. She reminisces how much harder it’s gotten to have time with Brady with the addition of each new wife (Rosemary is third wife) & how the reason they did all of this polygamous hoo-ha in the first place (i.e.: religion) is a moot point now. Yeah, good point, Rosemary!

Paulie’s reaction to the idea is equally skeptical. She offers no firm answer for now. Rhonda thinks it might be a good idea and is immediately willing to jump on board. Rhonda is the Labrador puppy of the group, man. She is just down for anything. Nonie, in bed sick with her pregnancy, doesn’t want to go to the 2-night plan. As the fourth wife, she feels like she’s gotten the shaft since day one since she only “got to know” (eww!) Brady every fourth night from the get-go. By that reasoning, wouldn’t Rhonda be the ultimate shaftee, therefore deserving of the most whining? She is fifth wife after all. But no, because Nonie is the Siamese cat of the group. She’s just pissy and hissy no matter what.

Family Meeting! Rhonda informs the group that she & Brady will be celebrating their upcoming 15th anniversary in Vegas. Paulie’s son Josh will be leaving the nest soon, going on a mission trip for the LDS church for 2 years. The wives all comment on how much their family will miss Josh because he’s been such a big brother to the rest of the kids. Josh’s conversion to the mainstream LDS church, which is much different than the Fundamental church Brady broke from, was a bit shocking to the family at first, but they’ve come to accept his decision.

After the positive talk and bonding, Robyn brings up her Indecent Proposal: The TwoPer! They all agree to try it despite their hesitation – and Nonie’s fierce mean muggin’. Nonie is scared to give Brady up for longer stretches of time and feels like once they try the TwoPer, the TwoPer will stick with them forever like stench of Brady’s Man Shed after a hardcore video game session.

Rhonda is packing up for Vegas and…I just hope Vegas is ready. Brady kisses every wife goodbye in quick succession (does he use a freaking wet wipe in between!?) and off they go. Brady wants to surprise Rhonda with where they’re staying & what they’re doing in Vegas. Like, “Surprise! I just mail ordered wife number 6!” or “Surprise! I’m bankrupt!” Ah, the possibilities are endless.

Paulie is back home helping Josh pack for his trip and I’ve just gotta say, this scene is heartbreaking. She is torn up about him leaving and I can understand why. He’ll be gone for 2 years with no regular access to communication. Maybe she can commission Robyn to make Josh a “Mama Pillow” to take with? Seriously, though, my heart goes out to her.

Back in Vegas, Brady unlocks the door to his & Rhonda hotel. SURPRISE! It’s the Red Room from 50 Shades of Grey, except it’s actually painted gray and reeks of 1998 decor. Rhonda is sorta repulsed, but is such a good egg that she rolls with the punches & finds solace in the hotel pool. #grabthelysol

At family dinner back in Utah, the wives joke about Brady being a “fuddy duddy,” claiming that they have more fun without him. They joke that Brady & Rhonda’s “hot” weekend in Vegas probably includes TV watching at 6pm, bedtime at 6:30pm. Ha! Whether it’s true or simply what they have to tell themselves to keep living this F**’d up existence, who knows. But it is kind of awesome that they throw shade at him behind his back on the regular.

To add to the group bonding, Robyn and Paulie head to Rosemary’s for cocktails and complaining. Other than Robyn’s complaint that “My husband’s gone away with another woman,” they don’t crab much, but do discuss how weird it was to grow up in Polygamist families & be Polygamists themselves but NOT be part of the official “church” anymore. Besides being allowed to drink & wear jewelry now, they also feel more free to be who they authentically are. Question: Why keep the polygamy, though?

In Sin City, Brady and Rhonda celebrate over dinner. Brady obviously thinks Rhonda is the easiest wife (like, in a low maintenance way) and wants to show her how much she appreciates her. Here’s how Brady shows her: He takes Rhonda for a ride in a party bus with a stripper pole. Annnnnd scene.

The group is reunited in Utah once again and Brady takes all 5 wives out to dinner. Rhonda and Brady describe their nasty stripper room and nasty stripper pole party bus. Rosemary asks if Rhonda told Brady, “I’ll slide down your pole anytime.” And with that, the table goes radio silent, awkwardly looks at their menus, and fades to black. I live for these moments when this family drops the façade of everything being “hunky-dory-PG-good-clean-fun, gee whiz!” and awkwardly faces this fact: ONE dude is having sex with FIVE women regularly. Truth.

Speaking of sex, Nonie is first on the docket to get Brady for the TwoPer. She’s excited (in her ho-hum, crappy-pregnant Nonie way) to have him to herself for 2 nights, but doesn’t relish the thought of waiting 8 days until he comes around the bend again. Side note: I wonder how the TwoPer will affect fertility cycles? How will they plan their ovulation windows now? Where, in God’s name, will the 26th child come from!?!?!?

In sadder news, it’s the morning of Josh’s departure for his mission trip. The whole family sees him off and the kids comment on how much they’ll miss him. Paulie is understandably emotional, as is his sister Karlie. Lots of the wives and kids are in tears saying their goodbyes. Paulie interviews that she is proud of him and “excited to meet the new young man he will become.” Aww. I wonder if she hopes the man he becomes is a polygamist, though?


Recap Author: Erin M.

Photo Credit: TLC