Love & Hip Hop Recap: Ich Spreche Bro Code

love hip hop rich

Last night’s Love & Hip Hop introduced us to the illustrious Astrid. In her thirty second scene, Amina Buddafly’s mother spoke more sense than anyone at anytime on this franchise…ever. I realize that’s not saying much, but this woman was on point. Can we have her at the helm of Love & Hip Hop: Hamburg

As the episode begins, Yandy Smith is still reeling from fiancee Mendeecees telling her that Amir was in the hospital because she forgot to pick him up at school. Mendeecees is frustrated that Yandy doesn’t think his work is as important as hers. Why does he always have to be the one on carpool duty? Mendeecees doesn’t understand how he did anything wrong, and Yandy can’t understand how he can’t see how his behavior was that of a total asshat. His true colors are starting to show. 


Chrissy Monroe has traded her bag wigs for a hat straight from Dr. Zhivago…if Kim Kardashian had a Dr. Zhivago collection at Sears. She’s meeting up with Cyn to vent about how Chink isn’t making an effort to smooth over his family’s opinion of Chrissy, and she needs him to stick up for her. If he isn’t willing to go to bat for her with his family, perhaps she should just move on from the relationship. Cyn wishes Erica Mena would also move on…Cyn believes that Erica is parading her fake-ancee around in an effort to try to make her jealous. It’s not working. If Erica wants Cyn to be envious of BowWow, she needs to buy him some stock in Chipolte.

After having Rich Dollaz pass her middle school note to Cisco, Diamond Strawberry is having drinks with the go-between to see if her tween tactics were successful. While she doubts that things will work out between her and Cisco, she’s looking forward to a budding “friendship” with Rich. Rich teases her for her temper, and Diamond tries to defend her actions against the lying, cheating Cisco. The more she protests, the more Rich laughs, until he asks why she’s rubbing up on his leg…oh, and why is she showing so much cleavage. A blushing Diamond admits that she finds Rich to be handsome and he kisses her neck before heading out of the bar leaving her wanting more. She has his number if she’d like to see him again. Okay, if this was the first time I’d ever watched this show and I was convinced everything about it was totally real, that scene would have changed my mind. Diamond is a horrible actress, and there is no way that Rich has this much game. I love you, dude, but no way.

love hip hop rich

Diamond should take acting lessons from Peter Gunz who seems genuinely sad and defeated to enter his apartment to find that Amina and baby Corey are gone. I’d almost feel sorry for him if I hadn’t seen him work his acting chops on Amina and Tara Wallace a million times. He’s got sad puppy eyes, but a dog is still a dog! The tour of the empty apartment wasn’t just an opportunity for Peter to showcase his melancholy side and his ability to sigh loudly during the featured R&B music, it was a great segue to his appearance on his friend’s podcast. Peter tells his friend that he has to fight for his family, and he’s ready to go to Germany to bring back Amina and Corey. 

Since Rich and Cisco have an unspoken pact to trade ladies (sure, Cyn isn’t technically Rich’s ex, but she is the ex of his ex and his “artist”), Cyn is heading to the studio to work on the tribute song for her late brother. Having learned that Cisco also lost a brother, Cyn in convinced that he can give the song the soul and depth it needs. He plays her a record that he wrote in memory of his brother and Cyn dabs fake tears away as they share their stories of loss. Botox makes it harder to produce tears. As she talks about standing up to adversity (and Erica) to honor her brother, Cisco hopes that this will be a healing process for her. When Cyn leaves, Rich drops in the studio to make sure that Cisco realizes what a gem he gave his friend. They are going to make great music together. When Rich moves the conversation to Diamond, Cisco says he’s no longer interested in her but he wouldn’t want Rich to hook up with her. Wait what? That wasn’t part of the deal…Rich thought his friend didn’t care if he slept with Diamond. Cisco cites bro code…you don’t sleep with your friend’s ex, and I don’t know why it’s so hard for Rich to wrap his head around this age old adage. Cisco understands that Rich went to college where the rules are different. No, not when it comes to bro code. Get it together Rich! He does finally promise Cisco to stop flirting with Diamond.

love hip hop amina

After deciding to fly across the pond in search of his family, Peter arrives on Amina’s doorstep in Germany. It’s like she lives inside an Ikea cabinet, and I am incredibly jealous. A shocked Amina (those camera crews give nothing away!) allows him to kiss his daughter before settling in for another round of his “I love you but I’m torn” BS. Peter is a broken record. Amina is trying to be strong, but it will surely be short lived. It always is. She tells Peter that if she brings Corey back to the States, he needs to move out of the apartment. You know, the apartment her rarely stays at because he’s staying with Tara

Speaking of Tara, she’s catching up with Yandy and sharing her new endeavor–she’s going to be teaching etiquette to musical artists. This should be good. Tara is livid because Peter called to tell her that he couldn’t pick up the boys from school because he was going out of town. He forgot to mention he was traipsing to Germany to chase his wife. So we’ve got one lady here whose fiancee has to cry hospital to get her to remember to pick up the kids at school and another lady whose crappy ex misses carpool because he’s going through customs. I am drawing all kinds of silly parallels in my head because I just can’t listen to Tara talk about how Peter has ruined her life yet she still loves him…she’s a broken record too, so maybe she and Peter are perfect for each other. Seriously, what do these women see in him? 

love hip hop yandy

It’s time for the weekly man meeting, but this go-round Cisco didn’t get the invite. Rich takes the opportunity to fill in Mendeecees and Chink on the situation with Diamond. He’s hoping that his friends will think it’s a-okay for him to go after Diamond even after Cisco said no. When he doesn’t get the response he’s hoping for, Rich changes the subject by bringing out some bootylicious magazines. As Chink flips through the magazine, he sees a half (well ninety percent) naked Chrissy on nearly every page. This is not the kind of woman he wants in his life! His family doesn’t want to meet some trashy girl! He’s livid, and an innocent Rich is shocked (yeah, right) to learn that Chink didn’t know about the photo spread. I think Rich is trying to stir the pot in everyone else’s lives so that they won’t notice when he starts diddling Diamond. 

Chrissy, Chrissy, Chrissy, your short hair is so much more attractive than these random hair pieces. Chink approaches a shopping Chrissy about her trashy magazine shoot, and she argues that its art. He says it’s distasteful and the exact reason why he can’t introduce her to his family. Chrissy accuses Chink of being immature and refuses to back down from “doing her.” Chink retorts that he’d never date a girl in one of these nasty mags, so perfect Chrissy fits in perfectly. He storms out of the store. 

Cyn goes to confront Erica about her engagement to BowWow. She’s upset and confused, and she doesn’t understand how Erica was able to move on so quickly. Erica allows Cyn to vent, but she gets a little defensive. However, when Cyn professes how much she still cares for her, Erica softens a bit. Erica tries to impress upon Cyn that she never intended to hurt her. Erica’s relationship with BowWow has nothing to do with what happened between them. Both women are in tears as they wish each other well. At least, Erica is trying to cry so that has to count for something!

To prove wrong skeptics like myself who may have tried to claim that Amina and Peter were in an actual Ikea in NYC and not really trotting around Germany, the pair take in a rainy, dreary walk around Hamburg. He attempts PDA, but Amina remains stoic. She is worried about introducing him to her family for the first time. Amina’s mother Astrid doesn’t mince words…she immediately tells Peter that she hasn’t heard anything nice about him and she’s spent countless hours suffering with her daughter over long distance calls. Peter tries to work his charm, but Amina’s mom is not budging. Didn’t Peter head to the Caribbean with his ex just days before Amina gave birth? She doesn’t even give Peter the opportunity to talk as she rattles off the laundry list of crap he’s done to her daughter. He interjects, promising change. “I don’t believe it. I don’t believe him. I’d leave him if I were you!” Go Astrid! Can she get her own show? 


[Photo Credit: VH1]