Comscore

little-women (1)

On last night’s Little Women LA, Joe Gnoffo joins the group for a night in New Orleans, Christy McGinty and Todd Gibel bicker and make up, and Briana Mason and Matt take their relationship to the next level. But this group of ladies is not having it. And when I say they are not having it, I mean: NOT HAVING IT.

Still in the Crescent City arguing over psychics and demon possession and Christianity, the ladies are once again divided. After Christy, Tonya Banks, Traci Harrison and Erik run off in terror at the presentation of gifts Briana brought home from her psychic reading, they hold hands and pray so the devil won’t git ‘em. These forward-thinking gals would have done well in 1600s New England. They could have hosted mini-witch burnings at tiny little stakes in their yards, yo. Briana gives Terra and Todd “fertility” gifts, which Todd graciously thanks her for despite his wife’s crazy behavior.

The next morning, Traci and Christy bond over their rekindled friendship that resulted from last night’s prayer circle. Traci asks for forgiveness for calling Christy names and Christy forgives her while they hug it out. Meanwhile, Briana, Matt, Terra Jole, and Elena Gant powwow about Briana learning to stand up for herself. We’ll see about that!

Christy is still pissed about the “voodoo” and “witchcraft” Briana brought into the house (since when does a psychic reading turn into an episode of American Horror Story!?). Todd doesn’t see it as a big deal, so Christy goes nuts on him. She thinks he’s always on Briana’s side and actually accuses him of still being “stuck on Briana.” Back story: Todd and Briana dated in the past and Todd flirted with her last season at a party, which Christy quickly dragged him out of when she saw the whole mess going down. Todd sort of lamely absorbs Christy’s insults and accusations while she continues to apply 6 inches of makeup to her face.

little-women (2)

Terra tells Tonya that Joe’s coming to town for a night, but he’s staying in a hotel to avoid Todd. Tonya asks if Joe will be cordial to Todd if Todd makes an effort, but Terra can’t answer that. The ladies then start discussing Matt, who Tonya doesn’t trust because she thinks he’s trying too hard and might be covering something up.

little-women (3)

The whole group gets together for breakfast before they head to a jazz hall. Annnnnd, here’s Joe! Joe greets everyone but Todd and Christy and plans to ignore them like a mopey teenager instead of confront the situation with an ounce of maturity. Christy and Todd head out, make up from their fight earlier, and launch straight into a discussion about the man of the hour: Matt. He’s loud, obnoxious, drinks too much, and is all around shady according to Christy. Todd encourages her to tell Briana how she feels about Matt, but Christy thinks it might destroy their friendship. Ding ding ding! Yes, probably. So, full steam ahead, then?

At dinner that night, Christy gets more annoyed with Matt by the minute while Todd and Joe ignore each other like it’s their job. A giant hurricane drink – seriously larger than most of the women on this show – is served while whispered conversation all around the table turns to Matt again. Terra thinks he’s controlling and that something just isn’t right about this dude, but doesn’t want to tell Briana. Instead of having any real conversations, the group sings and dances with a second line band. Matt takes Briana away from the group for some private talk – and to escape the mean mugging coming his way from this group of little biddies, no doubt.

Christy asks Terra if Joe would be willing to talk to Todd, but Joe of course refuses. Terra doesn’t push it because she rarely speaks her mind to Joe, seemingly scared sh*tless that she’ll lose the king if she steps one inch out of line. So, the awkwardness continues.

little-women (6)

Speaking of awkward, Matt starts spilling his guts to Briana in their private moment around the corner about how much he loves her, how “complete” he is since he met her, how he can’t imagine living his life without her. And he opens a ring box? And asks her to marry him? Ehrmegerd. This is actually happening. We flash back to scenes of Briana’s family warning her about Matt moving too quickly and having a criminal background (that may be overstating it, but he was charged with assault or something in the past). Back to the present moment, we find Briana just smiling (and stalling?) while Matt basically reads a poorly memorized version of Tom Cruise’s speech from Jerry Maguire. The clichés, they be a-flyin’ folks! I guess it works though because finally the speech ends and Briana says…YES. What the WHAT!?

The next day Briana and Matt lay in bed talking about their “interesting” night until Christy walks in to break up the action. This is the time she’s chosen to talk to Briana about her concerns with Matt, so Christy kicks him out. After Matt leaves, Christy tells Briana Matt drinks too much but Briana claims he does it to suppress his back pain. Red flag! Christy is concerned that using alcohol for pain management is a bad sign. Word. Briana blows her off, but oddly doesn’t confess that she’s now ENGAGED to this dude they’re discussing while he’s in the next room mixing up his first screwdriver of the day (allegedly).

little-women-7

Joe takes off to rejoin…his tour? his mistress? Todd and he shake hands before the departure, but no talk occurs. The rest of the guys head out of town afterward too, so the ladies go out to dinner by themselves. Briana tells the group she’s moving somewhere new with her daughter soon, but denies moving in with Matt. She still doesn’t want to tell them about her engagement and claims she doesn’t want to rush anything with her daughter Leiana, who’s never met Matt. She tells the group she’s taking things slowly with Matt. Soooooo, is her plan to introduce her daughter to Matt on their WEDDING DAY? This is straight up loony.

Back at the condo, the ladies demonstrate sexual positions like the attractive “wheelbarrow” and discuss remote controlled vibrators. Elena confesses she likes having sex in different public locations. You’ve been warned, LA. Briana sneaks out of the room to retrieve her ring so she can spring the awesome news of her engagement on the group. It goes something like this. “Matt proposed and I said yes!” (She holds up the ring.) Group looks on with jaws hanging open and cold eyes of pure dread. Someone says flatly, “Oh my god.” Then “Holy crap.”

Fullscreen capture 3122015 80530 AM

After that ringing endorsement, the ladies don’t even try to rally. They can’t bring themselves to do anything but tell Briana they love her and hope she doesn’t get hurt. After an extended awkward silence, Tonya confesses she sees some red flags, but Briana says they’re truly happy. The other ladies quickly jump on board with their concerns about Matt – especially about him moving too fast and basically abandoning his kids (who he sees every other weekend) to move to LA. Terra asks about Leiana, but Briana claims that if Leiana doesn’t like Matt she won’t marry him. Way to put the pressure on a preschooler, Briana. Agree to marry someone after 3 months of dating without including your child in the relationship, then hinge the entire decision on how Leiana reacts to a virtual STRANGER? This is f’d up on so many deep, deep levels that I can barely gather my thoughts. Christy pipes up about Matt being a potential problem drinker, but Briana defends him again. Christy tells Briana she loves that she’s happy, but she’s also worried for her. And with that, the group sits in silence while Briana storms off to her room.

So. That went well!    

TELL US – IS BRIANA MOVING TOO FAST WITH MATT?

Photo Credit: Lifetime

Click here to read our Comment Policy