In her first blog as a Bravo housewife, the stunning and snarky Gizelle Bryant breaks down the premiere of the Real Housewives of Potomac. A recap in case you missed it: etiquette, Potomac, etiquette, Potomac, etiquette, Potomac.
While the “Rules of Etiquette in Potomac” was a running theme of the premiere, Gizelle made it be known that she 1) lives by her own set of rules and 2) is not about to be schooled by Karen Huger, the self appointed HBIC of Potomac.
“I am very well-versed and clear about etiquette,” says Gizelle. “Everyone can see that I was not raised under a rock or a bridge. I’ve read a couple of posts from Mrs. Emily Post and my mother has raised a lady. HOWEVER, Karen’s and Potomac’s rules of etiquette change with the wind and the champagne. If the breeze is blowing and the bubbly is flowing God only knows the rules of Karen.”
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Gizelle goes on to say that the number one “Gizelle Rule” is to be on time.
“When I first arrived at Karen‘s birthday dinner all I could think was where can I buy some friends who know how to tell time,” snarks Gizelle. “Gizelle is always punctual. I believe that showing up on time is the first sign of sophistication and class. The rest of these ladies might need to readjust their CP clock.”
Gizelle adds, “Don’t waste my time and I won’t ever waste yours. Everyone is given a fifteen minute window for lateness. After that, I will proceed to do what I do best… eat, drink, and be beautiful.”
As for Karen‘s ridiculous expectation that she, as the birthday girl, needs to be seated at the center of the table, even after she arrives late, Gizelle says, “I had no idea that Karen was upset over her seating arrangements. Karen never ever, ever, ever has an issue commenting, dictating, vocalizing, or screaming anything that she has a problem with. I have seen her take down and demolish the best and the worst of characters. So why have a seating assignment issue with me and stay silent? If it were me and I was the birthday girl, I would have just said, ‘Girl, get out my seat,’ ‘Can you please slide over?,’ or ‘Bitch, MOVE.'”
Moving on to the drama at Charrisse Jordan‘s house, Gizelle defends her decision to bring Kal, “A) He knows how to cook crabs better than me. B) He was my guest – since when don’t I get a plus one? C) He makes me laugh and sometimes Charrisse’s parties need people who can break the dullness.”
Gizelle admits Charrisse‘s attitude towards her caught her by surprise. “When we are walking down the hall asking Charrisse if she wanted Kal to do her hair, I had no clue that I was going to be hit with her sideways, stank response,” she shares. “I just broke a sweat in her kitchen, cooking for her guests. I was feeling confusion as to really what her issue could be (emoji face with the big eyes).”
Gizelle shares that she was “unbothered” by Karen‘s gift. As she should be, in my opinion, because Karen takes herself way too seriously.
“One thing Gizelle really loves is a good gift,” says Gizelle. “Now, Karen giving me a gift that was petty, unnecessary, poor etiquette, and bad judgment wasn’t a problem for me. Simple put… unbothered! As I examined the gift further, it turned out to be all the things that I love… pretty, shiny, and a mirror. Please tell me who doesn’t like to check their lipstick?!?!”
I like Gizelle so far. But I have to say, if she wants to keep me on her side, she is going to have to stop referring to herself in the third person in her blogs.
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Photo Credit: Tommy Garcia/Bravo