Below Deck Mediterranean Recap: Who’s Got Game

I’ve been waiting patiently for Chef Ben Robinson to lose his facade of cool, and it looks like this is the week he most decidedly will. On last night’s Below Deck Mediterranean, Chief Stew Hannah Ferrier can’t differentiate between and entree and an appetizer (both of which are the same in her European view, as the terms are interchangeable), and Ben decides to stop keeping his enemies close, opting to tattle on Hannah’s poor job performance to Captain Mark Howard instead. Captain Mark, and Captain Mark’s eyebrows, are not pleased. 

We pick up from last week in the galley, where Hannah is trying to cover her arse by claiming to be confused about the 2-course menu she and Ben had plainly agreed on earlier. The guests are starving, so there will be emergency kebabs! But Ben is not pleased about the botched service that makes him look unprepared. “Stop using that word!” Ben demands when Hannah refers to one of the courses as an entree. Sure, they may be in Europe. But the guests are American, the crew is largely American, and the show we’re all being subjected to is obviously American. Hannah thinks Ben should give her a “goddamn menu!” if he wants his dishes clearly communicated. “Don’t mess with me!” he warns when Hannah goes off about #MenuGate. “I’m shakin’ in my f*kin boots, mate,” she snarks back. 

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The fact that Hannah knew there was an issue with dinner, but didn’t tell Ben (when he asked her) earlier is really what bothers Ben. Which makes total sense. When it comes to Hannah, she seems more concerned with hiding her mistakes than learning from them. Ben is fighting mad about Hannah’s incompetence (as he sees it), and decides to throw on his formal uniform, complete with epaulets – which Hannah cannot believe – and take Captain Mark aside to throw her squarely under the bus. 

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Ben tells the dinner tale, noting that Hannah agreed on AND set the table for two courses, then denied such knowledge afterward. He drones on and on about the confusion Hannah claims to have had, which ultimately resulted in Ben punting at the finish line to please the guests. Captain Mark face reads thusly:

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He is not sure why Ben is crabbing to him about menus and courses and the meaning of the word entree. Is the boat sinking? No? Then take off that monkey suit and get the F outta here, Chef! I must confess, I’m totally #TeamBen when it comes to who’s right in this situation, but taking the issue to the Captain – monkey suit and all – seems like a punk move. Hannah agrees, but is slightly terrified of this move’s repercussions nevertheless, confessing to Julia D’Albert Pusey that she might get kicked off the yacht for this. 

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The next day, the Ionian Princess docks to prepare for the guests departing. Hannah and Ben stand next to each other like middle schoolers at a winter formal who’ve been forced by their parents to attend. The primary loved the charter though, complimenting Ben and Hannah separately for their efforts. The tip is handed over for the TEAM, which the Chief Stew and Chef need to remember they’re on. 

Tip meeting! Captain Mark admits it was “painful” to listen to Ben’s whining about the fallout from last night’s dinner miscommunication, and reveals that the tip’s not as high as usual this time: 13,500 Euros. So, are we to believe these two things are linked? Seems convenient. I say it’s because Danny Zureikat wasn’t able to put his smooth moves on the guests this time! He’s the tip machine in his own mind, after all! #DannyUnchained

The crew gets a day at the beach for their efforts, and Hannah gets to not be fired. Bobby Giancola also gets some more time to mack on his crush-cutie, Julia. So all is well! 

At the beach, Hannah smears suntan lotion on Bobby, but he’s only got eyes for Julia. As he lays beside Julia on lounge chairs, he finally straight up confesses to having a huge crush on her. She abruptly walks away to avoid going deeper, then calls her boyfriend Matt to save face. But will it be enough to stop the Bobby Train?

In another awkward conversation nearby, an already drunk Bryan Kattenburg is trying to win the trophy for Most Hideous D-Bag In The Galaxy, this time by “schooling” Ben about American History…according to Trump’s twitter feed. Between Bryan spouting off about Paul Revere and D-Day (which I think HE thinks are linked somehow), Ben is probably wishing he’s stayed on #TeamEurope with Hannah at this point. Jen Riservato looks on at Bryan’s asinine antics with her typical sneer contemplating whether she can slip some Visene into his beer while he’s not looking

It’s time for Ben’s standard apology. He says he’s sorry to Hannah about the dinner fiasco and takes as much blame for it as her. She complains that she felt attacked though, which ruffles Ben’e feathers. They go through another round of when to use and not use the word entree, which is NEVER according to Ben. Hannah doesn’t want Ben to run to the Captain every time there’s an issue, which he blames on being exhausted and annoyed. Ultimately, they agree to move on, hugging it out in the end. Hannah says Ben is the adorable puppy who chews on Louboutins, but is still lovable. True.

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Back on board, the Bobby/Julia antics continue as Bobby follows Julia into her bunk to show her his…man-gina. This is a feat which Bobby accomplishes by stuffing his man parts between his legs, then dropping trow. This passes for flirting in Bobby’s world. Jen, Danny, and Julia are all in attendance for the spectacle, with Jen noting that a man-gina is probably the closest she’ll ever get to seeing a penis. But possibly more horrifying for her?

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Busting a gut, Julia laughs off Bobby’s ultra-goofiness, but remains wary about his pursuit of her. All of her flirting back is now coming to haunt her. Danny is just glad he’s not the most inappropriate person in the room for once!

Up on the sun deck, the crew gathers for more drinking. Tiffany Copeland may have escaped sitting on Bryan’s thumb <dry heave> but she can’t escape him being a tool AT ALL TIMES on this boat. She, and everyone else, especially do not like drunk Bryan. 

Taking Bobby aside for a little chat, Julia tries to tell him that she’s not interested in his advances. Period. He calls her out on flirting with him too, to which Julia takes umbrage. Fine! If Bobby thinks goosing him, letting him lay on top of her, and giggling with him in the laundry are flirting, then that’s not Julia’s fault! Harrumph. Protestations of flirting aside, Julia tries to plea to Bobby’s sympathies by crying that she just doesn’t want to mess things up with her boyfriend. Bobby agrees to lay off the flirting, but admits he still likes her. And he’s jealous as hell of that faceless boyfriend back home. (Maybe don’t put your man-gina on blast next time you want to keep a girl interested, Bobby? Just a friendly tip!)

Outside, Bryan and Danny are congratulating themselves on “saving” the interior and deck crews at all times. Because, like Charlie Sheen, they are #Winning and #Delusional. Bryan tries to give Danny some advice: do not take’s Ben’s side against Hannah, or anyone. Danny’s on thin ice, so he needs to skate lightly. Danny doesn’t want to hear any of this, of course, because everything Danny has to say is of the utmost importance. And he shall say it, goddamnit! He shall write verses of it on napkins and read it under the Grecian stars! Bryan shouts at Danny that he needs to be a “soldier!” But Danny is more of a mascot. While Bryan, according to Jen, is a misogynist pig and a sh*tty boss. Yup. 

The next morning, Julia confesses to Hannah that she had “the talk” with Bobby last night. Meanwhile, Bobby is doing the same with Bryan. They’re both resigned to leaving each other alone from here on out, but we’ll see how long that lasts. Captain Mark also briefs Bryan, Hannah, and Ben on their next charter guests, who are basically a bunch of single dudes looking for a fun time. (Beyond that, I lost the details because a storm of epic proportions is raging outside my window right now and my DirecTV is cutting out! Noooooooo!)

The guests arrive, looking like Bachelor In Paradise contestants who were stranded on that island for 30 extra years. Tiffany is disappointed. And Hannah’s got a migraine. So it may be Julia who has to break these guys in! But hold on – no need for Julia to entertain these men while Danny is on board. He promises the guests to find them some girls and practically get fired doing so. Danny also thinks he’s a lot like Julia – fun and flirty, but always misunderstood. Bobby’s like, um: No. You are creepy, not flirty. 

As the guests dig in to their first meal, they tell Captain Mark they’d like Bryan, Danny, and Bobby to accompany them on their first outing on land. They promise the crew will not have alcohol. Lots of luck with that, random single dudes! Bryan is bitterly diappointed he can’t brah-out when Captain Mark tells him that only Danny and Bobby will be going, Bryan is the bosun, so he needs to man the deck while the deck hands entertain the guests. Bryan is happy to hear his sidekicks will, at least, be forced to stay sober while on land. 

As the ship of fools hits shore, Danny immediately starts recruiting the babes. Bobby lets the Danny Show roll on, despite his mounting annoyance. The guests pile on, accusing Bobby of being no help in the ladies department here. While Danny is passing out booze (that he didn’t pay for) and dancing like a wind-up toy to attract attention, Bobby is just standing around shirtless trying to will himself invisible.

Next week, it looks like Danny’s in the hot seat again when he inserts himself into the rising tension between Hannah and Ben. Short of his mouth being duct-taped shut, will Danny ever be able to stay out of other peoples’ drama? 

TELL US: SHOULD BEN HAVE RATTED OUT HANNAH TO THE CAPTAIN? IS JULIA BEING A HYPOCRITE ABOUT BOBBY FLIRTING? WILL DANNY BE THE SOURCE OF HIS OWN UNDOING?

Photo Credit: Bravo

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