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Shahs of Sunset recap

Tonight, Shahs of Sunset finally gave us all a much needed break from all the arguing and drunken booze-festing that our Shahs are known for. Instead of talking about illness and who is being a loyal friend, there was a lot of talk about personal growth and shoes. How do those things tie together? They don’t but never mind that, let’s pretend they do.

Reza Farahan goes to lunch with his mom. She’s thrilled about his recent marriage to Adam Neely. Despite her conservative upbringing, all she cares about is Reza being happy and besides, she loves Adam too. Reza wants her to come to Oklahoma to meet Adam’s family and she politely declines, saying she has been there once. I guess that was enough. Reza gets emotional just talking about how much he loves his mom and this is a really nice change of pace for Reza – he should do more bonding with his mother and less being a terrible friend to pretty much everyone.

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Shahs of Sunset recap

Now for the moment you have all been waiting for (at least I have): Mike Shouhed’s shoe empire is happening and to prove it, Mike is throwing around a bunch of money. When he is upset, he spends money but when he is happy, he also spends money. So basically, he has just been pooping money into his shoes. We join Mike in his business partner’s office, with a desk heaped with shoe prototypes. Mike is busy having his mind blown that all of his random shoe doodlings are coming to life and my mind is blown that this dumbass is starting another business, let alone a shoe line. I haven’t heard this much talk about shoes on a TV show since Al Bundy on Married…With Children.

Mercedes “MJ” Javid is nurturing her relationship with lovable lug boyfriend, Tommy Feight, after their fake breakup and subsequent makeup. She’s just been staying home, cooking for him, and going on dates to the batting cages. Tommy brings up babies and says the batting cages would be a great place to take their kids eventually. MJ isn’t so sure. She doesn’t want to feel pressured or rushed into getting pregnant since she’s not sure her relationship is there yet. She also wants a ring first. Fair enough. MJ seems to be having a rare moment of clarity by not rushing into things.

Reza, Adam, and Asa Soltan Rahmati go to Palm Springs to recharge. Reza also has some business to do during this trip; he wants to purchase a property to rent out and invest in his future with Adam. Naturally, the inside of the house they are looking at isn’t up to their incredibly high taste for all things fashionable, which might be a little easier to understand if they weren’t dressed like a bunch of weirdos. Reza is wearing chino shorts with bright red driving loafers, Adam looks like Charlie Brown, and Asa is in a fortuneteller getup, complete with yellow turban and floor length parrot-print kaftan.

Shahs of Sunset recap

Over to another fashion disaster, Golnesa “GG” Gharachedaghi is meeting Shervin Roohparvar for lunch and she clearly skinned a Muppet to make the vest she is wearing. Obviously, they came to talk about their little blow up in Belize and before Shervin even arrives, GG plops down and orders a complicated all-liquor drink and guacamole. Shervin has his own fashion statement to make and I think he was going for downed fighter pilot hiding in the woods to avoid capture? He has on black combat boots, some kind of ripped pleather pants, and then an oversized nylon jacket with emblems stitched on. All in black, all terrible.

Shervin wants to know what pushed GG over the edge in Belize and she says her real issue is Reza and his obsession with her health. As she explains what she thinks of Reza and what happened between them, it’s exhausting to watch her curse and hand clap her way through, trying to express an actual emotion. Why can’t she just talk like an adult?? No wonder no one wants to have a conversation with her! I’m not sure why Shervin is even trying but I think it’s because of that picture of his food he was supposed to send his friend.

Later, Shervin is about to FaceTime someone and it turns out, it’s Annalise, the Australian beauty from a few episodes ago. Everyone (including Shervin) thought the date bombed but apparently, Annalise was bored enough to continue talking to him. She actually lives in Australia, so I guess it’s not that surprising that she’s fine with the least amount of romantic contact possible with him.

Shahs of Sunset recap

Asa drops by Mike’s house, which I am convinced is a glammed out trailer, and Mike shows her some of the shoes he has been sinking all of his money into. The second one he busts out is hot pink with electric blue laces! I actually snorted so loud, my dog got offended. Because it’s Asa, the talk turns spiritual and Asa is convinced Mike has made a huge change and has grown so much spiritually. Really? You mean in the last few days?

Asa urges him to go back to estranged wife, Jessica Parido, and tell her that he “gets it” now. He was thinking more along the lines of an email, where he will tell her that he’s a changed man. Nothing says grand gesture of a man who has grown spiritually like an email, folks. Demonstrating just how deep he is now, Mike gets caught up on how to actually start the email – does he say “Dear Jessica” or “Dear My Love”? He doesn’t know and Asa basically writes the one liner of the email for him so he can send it.

MJ and Reza meet at an extremely busy ice cream joint to do what they do best – meddle in other people’s business. Apparently, there have been rumblings of Jessica being out and about, looking fabulous and not crying over Mike. Imagine that, Jessica isn’t sitting around waiting for her scumbag of a cheating husband to change. Both MJ and Reza try and call Jessica, but she changed her number and they can’t reach her. Also imagine that, Jessica didn’t want to continue a relationship with the people who were never really her friends anyway.

mike-traffic

Because of the dramatic music, I know something bad is happening – what could it be??? Oh, it’s Mike’s shoes being detained in customs in Mexico on the day of his shoe launch. Mike and his business partner are driving down to rescue them from Tijuana or something and I am left wondering if “shoes” is just a code word for drugs.

Finally, Mike and his business partner get the call that the shoes are across the border and they can go intercept them somewhere in Cali to hopefully make it back in time for the shoe launch at Kitson. Everyone meets at what looks like a Holiday Inn parking lot and it’s a shoe disaster as they exchange the precious cargo from one trunk to another.

Back in LA, the Kitson party has already started and the only people who have showed up are Mike’s friends, family, and a few other randos who probably wanted free food and booze. There is no Mike and no shoes and as Mike drives back, he actually starts to blame Jessica for this because in his twisted mind, if they were together, someone from his “team” would be handling things in LA and keeping him updated. Umm, Mike, that is not your wife’s role. Remember when she told you she thought the shoe business was a bad idea and you told her not to worry and you would handle it all? I do! Being the changed man/true business person that he is, Mike also refuses to update anyone, including the host of the event, where he is for his own launch party.

Mike Shouhed Shoe Launch

Twenty minutes before the party is over, Mike shoes up, I mean, shows up and makes a speech about how he El Chapo’d his shoes across the Mexican border. He seems to think that barely making it to his own launch party and talking about how his shoes were last minute customs confiscation magnets is still a successfully evening. Speaking of success, Kitson went out of business a few months later and Mike’s shoes are homeless again. Bummer, I’m sure there is a huge market out there for hot pink shoes that may or may not have the sole stuffed with illegal drugs.

Photo Credit: Bravo

Author: Karen