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Little Women: LA recap

After Christy McGinity brought her new trusty sidekick, Plastic Martyr, to Tonya Banksphoto shoot last week, the ladies of Little Women: LA are pretty much done with her. Christy was attempting one last Hail Mary to get these women to understand how much of a dirt bag Briana Renee’s hubby, Matt Ericson [Grundhoffer], was and continues to be. (Although I truly don’t think anyone needs further convincing. WE GET IT.)

Despite her motives – which were decent – Christy’s delivery left a whole lot to be desired. She’s desperate. And, like grandma says, desperation is the worst perfume! The whole scene pretty much stinks, stank, stunk. Now it’s time to rehash that mess as the ladies gather this week for Elena Gant’s surprise birthday party. Because, what’s a LWLA event really worth if it doesn’t sport a few murder threats and potential lawsuits? Happy birthday, Elena!    

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But first, Elena and Preston share their new baby twins with Elena’s mother and sister, who have visited from Russia. Usually, Elena doesn’t have a big birthday bash, so she’s agreed to a quiet dinner out with her family while her mom and sister are in town. Plus, she hasn’t been sleeping lately, so she’s pooped. 

A thousand feet above the ground elsewhere, Christy and her mother are sliding down a freaking scary as hell glass slide in a skyscraper. WHY? Oh – here’s why: So Christy can film her explanation of Tonya and Plastic’s altercation. Groannnn. She fills her mom in on the dirt – well, her version of the dirt – and maintains that she didn’t ruin the photo shoot! Tonya ruined it on her own by reacting to Plastic the way she did! So, Christy is not sorry about a thing, except maybe that she still can’t get in good with this group. She’s also sad about her father, who is sick right now.

Tonya and Terra Jole are washing Tonya’s car in one of those self service joints where the hoses are stronger than either of them. Terra is two weeks away from giving birth, but she still hasn’t told Tonya her “big secret” of appearing on Dancing With The Stars yet. She can hardly contain herself. Ah well. She’ll have to settle for smaller secrets! Preston is throwing Elena a big surprise party on a boat, which the girls are excited about. Tonya warns Terra that EVERYONE will likely be invited. So they need to prepare accordingly. Tonya feels kinda-sorta bad about how she treated Plastic, but she was pissed, and it’s all Christy’s fault! As usual.

Because Penny has been slower to communicate verbally than developmentally expected, Terra and Joe take her to an ASL (American Sign Language) class. Wait – they’re doing this just two weeks before baby #2 is born? Smells like producers up in here. Terra thinks this class will be great for Penny to learn useful phrases like “toilet” and “poop” and “Christy is the devil.” 

Joe and Terra have also bought a new house, despite Terra’s sketchy credit. But there’s a hitch: the previous owners haven’t moved out yet. Weird. Terra may have to start the eviction process, as the sellers are basically squatting in her new home. Hmmm. I’m calling bullsh*t on 97% of this story. Given Terra’s penchant for exaggeration, and given her super shady credit, I wonder if there are other issues at play with the sale of this house? Escrow did take four months, she says, which is insane. Ho hum. Let’s just blame it on Christy

Briana and Tonya want to get Elena a unique gift that she’ll hate so they decide to blow her a vase. Yip. They huff and puff into a pipe to create a ball of glass which – hopefully – an actual artist will make into a vase at some point. After practically busting forehead veins blowing their glass, the ladies sit down to catch up. Tonya fills her in on Plastic crashing her photo shoot, ala Christy’s turd-stirring. Briana fakes being incredulous.

It’s tough to get all huffy when you’re the foolish wife of a serial cheater, but somehow Briana manages it. She claims Plastic is just a fame ho who wants to piggyback on Briana’s name. Plus, she already knew Plastic was on Matt’s gross list of sext partners five months ago, so this is not news to her. She thinks Christy is just trying to revive the drama for her own self interests.

Perhaps. But Matt is still disgusting. If he has to pay and pay and pay, then so be it! Maybe I’m hardened to their plight, but after witnessing Matt’s deplorable, manipulative, smarmy behavior on that hideous Ride or Die special, I just CANNOT with him. Not now, not ever. #NoForgiveness #CallMeCrusty #HeWillCheatAgain #CheckHisDamnPhone #CallCPS

Meanwhile, Christy is at therapy trying to figure out how to deal with her “friends.” She can’t believe she’s the enemy now, when it’s Matt who ruined everything! She needs to see her part in things, which the therapist tries to point out, but Christy is just too defensive and angry about the principle of the matter. She feels ganged up on (yes), scapegoated (yes), and feels like it might be easier to walk away (maybe). Her therapist encourages her to listen to her friends, find the truth in what they’re saying, and try some new tactics. Um, Miss Therapist: You have no idea who Terra Jole is, do you? 

At their new home, Terra and Joe plan to accost the previous owners/squatters in person. What are they gonna do to these people? Demand they leave, and then…? Terra cries that she just wants to MOVE IN! But Joe is just making a joke of it all, trying to lighten the mood. They rally, then knock at the door accompanied by their realtor and a locksmith. Dang! They brought backup.

No one answers the front door. They peek in the windows, and it looks like the previous owner’s possessions are still inside. Plus, there are guest houses in the back that still have random tenants in them. Ick! One tenant tells them that the woman who owned the house still lives there. Joe and Terra introduce themselves as the new owners, which the tenants are surprised to hear. Is this going to turn into an episode of COPS at some point? Terra and Joe hope not. They plan to move in, whether by negotiation or force. Eviction papers are posted!

Briana and Matt head out for lunch to discuss the Plastic situation. Matt asks, “What the f–k is wrong with Christy!?” He claims she’s mentally unhinged for dredging up this old dirt, but he’s not surprised. “She’s like Satan’s spawn!” he accuses. Hey! No fair! That’s the name we reserve for YOU, Mr. Ericson/Grundhoffer/Whatever! Briana agrees that Christy is cuckoo and dangerous. But she’ll have to see Christy at Elena’s upcoming birthday party anyway.

Matt thinks Christy is disgusting and should disappear from their lives forever. (Exactly my sentiments about you, dude!) Briana notes that all Christy is doing, despite herself, is bonding Matt and her closer together. Ugh. Sad, but true. 

It’s the day of Elena’s surprise party, and guests start to assemble. Briana hopes Christy can swim because if sh*t starts to go left, “that b*tch is going overboard!” Tonya is ready to confront Christy about her accusations that Tonya was insulting the trans community. She was blinded by rage that day, but doesn’t want to be known as a trans-hater. She’s just a Christy-hater! 

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When Christy and Todd arrive, they’re treated to an ice cold reception. Jasmine Sorge is, in fact, the only one who even says hello to her. The group assembles on the deck anyway, yelling surprise to Elena after she takes off her blindfold. Elena is less than thrilled with her surprise, though. She wanted a low key dinner with family, not to be stuck on a boat with these b*tches all damn day! 

When Terra tries to give Elena a gift, Elena breaks down in tears. She is not happy about this surprise party, but she doesn’t want to talk about it. She tries to get Terra to back off, eventually walking away to cry by herself while her guests sit in awkward silence on deck. No one is sure how to handle this. 

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Tonya follows Elena to the bathroom, where Elena is bawling – and concerned that she has no makeup along to touch up her face! She didn’t plan her birthday to go this way, but she appreciates Tonya coming to comfort her. Elena’s always been weird about her birthdays, so everyone sort of gets it. The group gives her space to eat a quiet dinner with her family on the lower deck…while they prepare to start WWIII on the upper deck. 

Tonya confronts Christy about Plastic. She defends herself, but Christy accuses Tonya of calling Plastic “It,” “Him,” “Her” – every name in the book. “You insulted a transgender after being a little person and black!” Christy claims, which sends Tonya into complete freak-out mode. She gets in Christy’s face, screaming that she was baited into it! (True) She was disrespected and just popped off at the photo shoot! Christy snarks that Tonya needs anger management. 

But sh*t gets next-level CRAY when Briana starts attacking Christy, then Christy sneers at Briana, “You have autism.” Huh? Cue Matt marching over to bark, “WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY!?!?!?” Christy thinks Briana is just “getting weird.” Matt tells Christy she needs to go. “You’re f–king sick!” he screams at her. Todd joins in to defend his wife, confronting Matt: “SHE’S SICK!? For you to call anyone sick? That’s classic!”

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Matt instructs Todd to go get a life, which is hilarious coming from this unemployed D-list reality TV hanger-on. Todd offers that perhaps he should start sexting people? “Maybe,” snarks Matt, “but I don’t think you’re gonna get a whole lot of hits, bro.” 

Meanwhile, Christy is claiming that she brought Plastic around because Tonya wanted proof. But Tonya just screams that she never wanted proof! She, and everyone else in the universe, already know what a pile o’ garbage Matt is. Matt, however, still thinks he has the upper hand, as he demands Christy and Todd leave this boat. The entire group is actually screaming this sentiment in unison at this point. So, they do leave. Yet again. 

“So, who invited the b*tch?” Briana snaps after Christy disappears. She is back in control of this group, and she knows it. Blech. 

TELL US: IS CHRISTY EXILED FROM THIS GROUP FOR GOOD? DO YOU THINK MATT HAS REALLY CHANGED HIS WAYS AND DESERVES ANOTHER CHANCE? 

Photo Credit: Lifetime 

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