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Little Women: LA recap

It was only a matter of time before another scandal reared its ugly head in the lives of Briana Renee and Matt Ericson [Grundhoffer]. And last night’s Little Women: LA decided to make this latest scandal its main event! Well, with the help of Christy McGinity Gibel, that is, who pretty much has zero allies left within her former friend group. And since she is “dead” to Briana anyway, what should a little unearthing of sexts to transgender models matter anyway?

I mean, Matt surely has a thousand more dirty deeds up his sleeve just waiting to blow up his marriage! His sexting habits with people who are NOT his wife are much like a lizard that grows its tail back after having it chopped off. Oddly fascinating, yet totally grotesque. These women can hack at Matt all they want, but because of Briana’s delusional loyalty, he’s essentially the zombie cheater. He cannot be destroyed!   

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Before she blows up Matt’s game, Christy is out with her family for a bit of wholesome bowling fun. She and Todd talk to her mom about the Murder Mystery party fiasco, at which Christy was attacked (again) about Briana being served with legal action. Julie is Christy’s publicist, but she and Christy are not in cahoots over this matter. Julie has Christy’s schedule, so naturally would know if Briana would be present at a scheduled, filmed event. Duhhhh. 

Christy admits she did tell Briana’s parents about a sensitive matter though, which involves transgender model Plastic Martyr, who Matt was allegedly sexting recently. Because she has nothing left to lose (and, let’s face it, because she’s Christy!), she plans to invite Plastic out with the ladies so she can deliver the truth in her own words. That should go spectacularly well.

Meanwhile, Terra Jole is meeting her old friend from NY, Jason Perez (star of Little Women: NY), for dance class. Mama’s got to get ready for Dancing With The Stars! She and Jason shake their thangs, then discuss the sh*tstorm Terra’s created lately. But no matter! Because she’s totally focused on telling Jason about DWTS, which she’s excited for, yet scared about. She’ll have to start training 3 weeks post c-section, which is not ideal, but worth it in order to be the first little person ever to appear on the show

At lunch, Christy meets Jasmine Sorge to gauge the state of their faux-friendship. She updates Jasmine on her father’s health, which is not good. Jasmine seems sensitive to Christy’s pain, and admits she was “a little harsh” on her at the Murder party. She was frustrated with Christy about spreading the transgender sexting rumors behind Briana’s back, and she still suspects Christy was involved with Briana getting served. 

“How did you know Briana was going to get served?” Jasmine asks. “Just be honest.” Christy explains that Julie told Christy that Briana was in trouble, but Christy didn’t want details. Hmm. Not sure I believe that. Julie didn’t have Briana’s contact info since Briana went “into hiding,” so she found her on a production shoot. Jasmine thinks this explanation makes Christy guilty. WHICH MAKES NO SENSE. 

As Christy cries, Jasmine just snaps that she doesn’t understand Christy or her actions. “I’m not the bad guy,” answers Christy. “Matt’s the bad guy.” Slow clap, standing up for that one.

Here’s the thing: These women are behaving, in a sense, precisely as Matt wants them to. They’re turning on each other instead of keeping their focus lasered in on Matt and Briana, who are at the center of IT ALL. Instead of the ladies’ first reaction being, OMG! Matt sexted a transgender model behind his wife’s back!?!? They’re all, Christy tattled about the model! Bad Christy! Instead of thinking, WHOA! Briana hasn’t been paying her publicist!?!? They’re all, Christy told Julie where to find Briana! It’s called chaos strategy. It keeps periphery players fighting an intense war they barely understand, while the real enemy sneaks out the back door, laughing. And it’s working brilliantly, whether Matt and Briana intend it to or not. It is, in a word, disgusting. 

At Terra’s, she and Joe Gnoffo lounge in the pool blaming Christy for Briana’s legal woes again. Terra wants to dig deeper, so she plans to reach out to Julie herself to see what the real story is. 

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At Briana and Matt’s house that Briana entirely pays for, they’re bringing baby Maverick home. They lay the baby down for a nap, then discuss how happy they are to have “moved on” from their problems. “We can only grow from here,” Briana coos. Matt offers his best attempt at a compliment: “You just had a freakin’ c-section, and you look beautiful!” 

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Ack! Terra is meeting Julie the Publicist! As they sit down to lunch, Terra gets right to her point: What happened!? Julie says she was at the airport ready to pick Briana up, and Briana didn’t show. Next thing she knew, Matt was calling her up claiming “they” weren’t happy with the contract. Then Briana and Matt pulled their ghosting act and never paid Julie anything.

Julie can’t believe Briana would do her dirty like that after having worked together for a year. But she blames Matt (rightly so), who she says is “so worried about her financials because he has none.” THANK YOU, Julie! #JulieForTheWin #Truth #MattIsPatientZero #TheVirusIsReal

Terra looks more than bummed out that Julie is blaming Briana – not Christy – for Briana’s damn problems. (Imagine that?) She also can’t believe how different Julie’s version is from Briana’s. Really? She can’t believe Briana lied to her? Is Terra NEW here? 

Terra follows up by asking how Julie knew where Briana would be the day she was served? “It’s simple,” answers Julie, who explains she hired a private investigator. Did Christy help? No, says Julie, who further explains that Christy called her the night of Kerwin’s party asking if she knew that Briana was served papers. Julie firmly states she doesn’t speak about client’s legal matters to other clients. It’s not drama for her; it’s business.

Deciding to be willfully obtuse on the matter, Terra claims that Julie’s private investigator was “no doubt from the offices of Crusty and Crusty!” So, even getting the straight up story from Julie’s mouth isn’t good enough for her!? Dang! This chick is going V for Vendetta or bust, I guess. Terra thinks Christy’s story is still messed up. “I can 100% tell you that it was not her,” Julie says. But even that won’t be enough to convince Terra otherwise. 

It’s time for our next forced fun event, courtesy of scraping the barrel LWLA production. So, archery range it is! Jasmine, Terra, Elena Gant, and Tonya Banks try their hand at shooting targets, but since Christy’s face isn’t painted in the center, they aren’t all that motivated. 

Afterward, the ladies sit down to discuss – what else? – the shadiness of Christy. But first, Tonya invites them all to her active wear photo shoot. Tonya says she’s asking Christy to come and model some clothes too. So these heifers can just take a seat and deal with it! Jasmine fills in the group about Christy’s father’s cancer, which is worse than the ladies realized. Terra thinks Christy is blowing it out of proportion, or deflecting the heat from herself.

Terra also relays the conversation she had with Julie. Terra thinks it’s fishy that Christy shouldn’t have known Briana was served the day of Kerwin’s party (huh? wasn’t she THERE!?), yet called up Julie to tell her that night. Elena doesn’t think Christy is as shady as Terra is making her out to be; she’s simply become the scapegoat. Christy means well and is really trying to help Briana, but she does shoot herself in the foot while doing it. Agreed. Tonya also thinks Christy is crazy, but harmless. She advises that the ladies stay out of Christy’s “snowball.” 

On a lighter note, Elena and Preston take a gondola ride to decompress. But Elena brings up Christy, who she’s concerned about. She thinks Christy deserves a chance, but since she’s not getting one, she’s creating more drama out of desperation. Preston advises Elena to talk to Christy one-on-one, but Elena’s not sure it will work. 

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Okay, here we go. Christy meets Plastic out for a manicure and gossip. Some of the girls met Plastic at Christy’s anniversary party, after which Plastic confessed that Matt reached out to her. In his very special way. He apparently sent her a private message after Plastic posted a pic of Briana and her on Instagram. What did he want, you ask? Oh you know, the usual. Tips on casserole recipes, recommendations for book clubs in the area. Oh – and to have sex with Plastic before she gets her surgery because “that turns him on more!”

(Be back in a minute. Just gagging at the moment…)

Claiming that Briana is not that adventurous in the sack, Matt told Plastic that he’s had sex with women AND men in the past, but “it’d be really cool to have sex with one person who was both!” He also called Plastic a “tranny,” and Briana a “midget.” Christy cannot believe he used the “m” word to describe his own wife. Uh, did she not hear him refer to them as “Oomps” at last year’s reunion? 

Matt says he has many fetishes, including a “midget” fetish and a “tranny” fetish. As if that isn’t bad enough, Matt then sent her a photo of his schlong – which practically has its own Instagram account at this point. Plastic says this situation has ruined her friendship with Briana, but she doesn’t understand why she’s the enemy here, not Matt!?

Christy can relate. And obviously, she plans to trot Plastic out in front of the women to share her story with them all. It’s a misguided move with this bunch, but I get Christy’s desperation. She’s on the front lines with this Bonnie and Clyde sh*t. I can only imagine her frustration. I don’t even know these people, and I’m ready to send Plastic out there myself!!!!! #DesperateTimesDesperateMeasures 

It’s the day of Tonya’s Little Boss Body photo shoot. The set is a mess, and Tonya is unorganized, as usual. She expects Elena to direct the actual shoot, which is news to Elena! There are no makeup artists are here, nothing is prepared, and Tonya expects her friends to basically save her. Oh – and she’s also mysteriously changed her logo! Terra smiles slyly at this news. She got to her. Ah, well. Tonya marches them all through the shoot anyway, which turns out to be okay.  

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But the peace is disturbed when Plastic strolls in, who a smirking Christy introduces to the group. Tonya is pissed that her photo shoot is being disrupted, but Christy will not be stopped. She wants Plastic to tell her story. Tonya doesn’t want to hear it though. This day is not about Plastic, Matt, and Matt’s endless string of d*ck pics – it’s about Tonya’s photo shoot!

Plastic asserts that they are accusing Christy of lying – that’s why she’s here. She tries to speak over Tonya (who is losing her f-ing mind at this point) about what happened, but this just escalates Tonya even more. 

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Terra doesn’t want to hear it, Jasmine doesn’t want to hear it, Elena doesn’t want to hear it. And Tonya doesn’t even want Plastic in her presence anymore. She rolls up on Plastic, basically threatening her to leave. This is not going as Christy planned, which was inevitable. Wrong time, wrong place.

Plastic and Tonya call each other b*tches, get messier than messy, finally ending in Tonya yelling “BYE! BYE! Whatever you are – boy, girl – BYE!” Christy then stupidly accuses Tonya of being racist, which is like, huh? But whatever. She’s desperate to get this situation heated and, despite her botched attempt at exposing “the truth,” is not leaving before blame is directed anywhere but at her.  

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Tonya is now at level 10 on the Little Boss Beatdown meter, so she actually runs after Plastic, eventually being restrained by her daughter Angelique after Plastic threatens to whack her with her purse. Okay, you guys. Can I admit that this is borderline comedy at this point? I mean, if someone were tuning in just now to this show, they would be like, What low rent sketch comedy is this? Is this Canadian? Oh, Lifetime. When you lay down with dogs, you wake up with fleas. 

“Here I am trying to be nice and invite Christy, and she’s gonna bring that sh*t up in here!?” screams Tonya after Christy and Plastic are basically run out of the room. I hate to say it, but Christy has dug her grave even deeper. Which is just sad, considering this entire situation isn’t about any of the women ready to claw each other’s eyes out at the moment. It’s about a man. And a poor excuse for one, at that. 

TELL US: IS THIS THE END OF CHRISTY’S RELATIONSHIP WITH ALL OF THE LADIES? SHOULD PLASTIC BE ALLOWED TO TELL HER SIDE OF THE STORY? DO YOU BELIEVE JULIE’S STORY? 

Photo Credit: Lifetime 

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