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Little Women: LA recap

On last night’s Little Women: LA, Christy McGinity Gibel rolled the dice… and lost again. In an effort to extend a virtually rotten olive branch, Christy invited the ladies to a Casino Night. She also suspiciously invited surprise guests to the event, including Little Women: NY henchman defender, Dawn Lang. But her passive-aggressive (emphasis on the aggressive) tactics, which included revealing her head injury medical records within the invitation, didn’t do much to win friends and influence enemies. Christy was, as ever, her very own worst enemy.

Meanwhile, Terra Jole and Joe Gnoffo are still on the baby name hamster wheel. She firmly wants D’Artanyan, although they’ve already agreed on Grayson. Joe concedes that – FINE! – they can add D’Artanyan to Grayson’s middle name. Terra stops whining, and concludes that she’ll be calling this kid D’Artanyan whenever she feels like it. Hmmmmph!

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Over at Briana Renee and Matt Ericson [Grundhoffer]’s house, they’re playing happy family with new son, Maverick, who has been an easy, healthy baby so far. Briana is grateful. She is not so thrilled with the prospect of facing Christy, however, who Jasmine Sorge and Elena Gant are taking up for lately. They want Briana to give Christy another chance. But Briana says she can “see Christy’s bullsh*t a mile away,” and suspects this attempt at mending fences is just a selfish move on Christy’s part. She agrees to maybe hear her out, though.

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Back at Terra’s house, she’s consumed with moving, mothering a newborn, and preparing for Dancing With The Stars. She confesses the big DWTS news to Elena, who is excited for Terra, but concerned that she’ll have to start practice in only two weeks! They discuss the Sip And See next, and Elena’s stance that Christy needs another chance. Terra is all eye rolls and WHATEVER! But Elena knows that Christy is desperate to make up with the group, so if she can help as peacemaker, she will. “Honestly, I don’t think it’s worth it,” sighs Terra. But she agrees to think about it.

At Christy’s, Dawn shows up to start sh*t and cause more problems support her. Remember Dawn? She was last seen perched on the reunion couch next to Christy last season, screaming at Terra about the battery charges Christy had filed. So, yup. Dawn will certainly help Christy face her frenemies in the spirit of peaceful reconciliation she’s claiming. Nice move, Christy! Ugh.

As Dawn and Christy disrobe for massages, they get rubbed down and creeped out by their sketchy masseuse. Mr. “There’s Nothing Wrong with Being Tight and Compact…HeHeHe” takes care of Dawn, while Christy gets her own rub down. Then she shares her latest brainchild with Dawn: A group invitation to a Casino Night party, in which Christy included her medical records in the “jackpot” icon of the evite. WTF. Oh, Christy, Christy, Christy. You make it tough for people to be on your side, lady. Sigh.

Even Dawn is like, WHY?! Why did Christy feel the need to twist the knife in the very same gesture she’s using to make amends?! It’s just so childish. Christy smirks and says she wants to prove the facts. She’s ready to apologize for her part in things, but she expects the girls to apologize to her as well. Well, wishin’ and hopin’ and prayin’ only gets you so far. “You’ve run out of olive branches,” says Dawn. Exactly.

Yay – a lighter moment now! Elena and Preston are taking beautiful family photos with with their precious little boys. Elena can’t believe how fast they are growing! She’s also been reflecting on the genetic testing they’ve been stalling on; she’s ready to think about it now. What if one or both of them have health issues related to dwarfism? She wants to put her fears to rest, or at least know what they’re dealing with. Preston agrees that it’s time to do the testing.

Getting ready for her own bundle of joy, Jasmine goes out baby shopping with Briana. They discuss Christy’s Casino Night invite, which Briana calls “bipolar.” The medical record jab in the invite ruined all chances of Briana forgiving Christy now. “I hate that b*tch,” deadpans Briana. She is disgusted with her as a person, Briana says through tears. She understands the group wants peace, but this situation is beyond repair. It’s too deep, and Christy has gone too low (in Briana’s eyes) to bounce back. Jasmine astutely wonders how Briana can forgive the lowest and basest fool among them – MATT – yet not give Christy another chance? Good question.

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It’s finally time for Terra to truly move in to her new home, which she does with the help of Tonya Banks since Joe is out of town on another gig. Tonya can’t believe Joe is MIA again. She wants the movers to unpack all of this sh*t for them! Not sure that’s gonna happen, boo. The ladies discuss Christy’s “janky invitation,” as Terra calls it. She can’t believe the medical records bullsh*t that Christy put on blast in the invite, and even questions the legitimacy of the records themselves.

Christy has had concussions in the past, but Terra’s not convinced that the bar fight brought on new injuries. In any case, this Casino Night is not looking promising for the group. Terra has no intentions of being Christy’s friend again. She will never come to Terra’s house again, she will never meet D’Artanyan (is she seriously going to call him that for LIFE?). Christy is as dead to Terra as she is to Briana, it seems.

Elena comes over to Jasmine’s house to get ready for Casino Night. They’re not sure if everyone will come, but are willing to hear Christy out on her totally botched attempt to make amends. Briana has been on the fence about coming tonight, but Terra is definitely bowing out. Neither Jasmine nor Elena can believe Christy’s bullsh*t invitation, and both agree that Christy shoots herself in the damn foot at every turn. “We can only do so much,” sighs Jasmine. “She has to do the rest.” Oh, girl, she’s about to do “the rest” at Casino Night! Just wait until you see the mangled cast of characters Christy has assembled as backup. It’s Messy with a capital M.

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It’s Casino Night! Christy sits waiting with her “really good friends” Carla and Rhonnie, not to mention Dawn. Christy’s new “really good friends” encourage her to apologize, but also expect her other “really good friends” to apologize to her. They essentially work Christy up to a lather before any of the other ladies get there, reminding Christy of the names these ladies have called her, and defending her as “the most wonderful person” they know! With that boxing ring mentality, let the death match begin!

Elena and Jasmine enter and are all “HUH?” at seeing the backup Christy has brought along, especially Dawn, who was pivotal in helping Christy file that police report against Terra last season. Elena just shakes her head at Christy’s messiness. She can’t believe she tried to defend this chick. After Tonya joins the group, she is instantly pissed. She knows this is not going to be fun. It’s going to be gangsta.

No sooner does Tonya think these thoughts, than Rhonnie accosts her: “I’m sorry Tonya,” she goads, “Are you okaaaaaay?” Tonya’s like, “I’m fine.” She knows this weirdo is about to start some sh*t. Christy then asks if Terra is coming? Tonya says no, because the invite with the medical records was just too much. Christy feels like this is a win, which sadly shows that she was never really trying to extend an olive branch. She was just trying to rub it in Terra’s face.

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Rhonnie jumps on Tonya again after Tonya says “hell would have to freeze over” for Terra to listen to Christy now. Rhonnie accuses Tonya of being “fake,” which doesn’t sit too well with Little Boss. The brass knuckles better be in her handbag, yo! This Rhonnie character is cruisin for a bruisin! SECURITY!!!!!!!!!!!!

Is Briana coming? they wonder. Jasmine reads Briana’s text aloud, which indicates she’s not coming, but that she hopes they have a good time without her. Random backup chick #3, Carla, goes in on Jasmine next. “Do you guys really care about her feelings?” she asks (about Christy). A flustered Jasmine can’t be made to defend Briana, who can speak for herself. And just did, via text.

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Carla takes it to next level cray-cray when she starts speaking to Jasmine in Spanish, claiming that in their “culture” they shouldn’t go behind friends’ backs to sh*t-stir. Jasmine’s like, um – okay? What is your name, rank, and file, por favor, you crazed lunatic? She has no idea what the f–k Christy is trying to pull with these three merry henchwomen, but she’s not going to play this game. There is not enough tequila in the world to numb this nonsense. It’s become almost laughable at this point! And all Jasmine, Elena, and Tonya can do is sit there in disbelief at the new low Christy has gone to in order to defend herself. Damn, Christy! You need a life coach, woman. And a new sponsor.

Having had enough, Jasmine, Elena, and Tonya peace out. Christy delusionally whines that there’s nothing more she can do to win these girls over. Whah! Whah! Please, girl. You is not smart, you is not important, You is a dumba$$. “We tried to give this broad the benefit of the doubt, and she f–ked it up AGAIN!” concludes Tonya. None of them are willing to deal with Christy after this. She has gone too far. And I have to say, I agree with them one hundred percent. Christy had a real chance to make things right, and she took that chance and shot 1,000 holes in it with her crazy gun. She is beyond salvation at this point.

Back at the poker table, Christy’s “really good friends” talk smack about the ladies who left, much to Christy’s delight. She thought all of her “proof” would set things right. Instead, her idiotic tactics just sealed her fate as Enemy For Life.

Jasmine, Elena, and Tonya get a table in another part of the casino to calm down. They want to talk to Christy alone, but uh oh! Here she comes with her posse! So, we’re gonna do this again, I guess. Dawn asks whether Tonya believed Christy had a concussion? Tonya says yes, but doesn’t know whether the bar fight actually brought it on. She believes it could have been an issue that bled over from her past (abusive) relationship. No matter anyway, because Christy doesn’t need to prove ANYTHING to them. She just needs to apologize, period.

Christy does apologize for bringing backup tonight, but says she’s been feeling ganged up on. So she needed her own ragtag gang! Tonya reminds Christy that she has been the only friend who’s invited her to every event this season, so Christy can go ahead and back up off of her. Elena reminds Christy that she ruined Tonya’s photo shoot. So where’s the apology for that? Or for calling Tonya names at Elena’s birthday party? Christy admits she is sorry for that. But then, she’s suddenly cut off by sidekick Carla, who jumps in to…do what exactly? To make this thing a tire fire, apparently. Because everybody just starts screaming at each other henceforth.

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“WHY ARE WE WASTING OUR TIME HERE?” an incredulous Elena bellows. Good question, Elena. This is some low, stoooopid horse manure. Speaking of low, Carla takes it one notch lower when she finally barks at Tonya, “You are a motherf–ker! That’s what you are!” It’s to Tonya’s immense credit that she doesn’t smash a glass over anyone’s head at this point. Because someone deserves to be concussed after that.

Unbelievable, LWLA. Freaking Un. Be. Liev. Able. To be continued…

TELL US – HAS CHRISTY FINALLY JUST GONE TOO FAR? WHAT’S UP WITH THE RANDOM BACKUP SHE BROUGHT ALONG? WILL TONYA, ELENA, AND JASMINE DRAW A LINE IN THE SAND AFTER THIS CASINO NIGHT DEBACLE? 

Photo Credit: Lifetime

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