Oh boy. Get ready for an epic smackdown! Taking no prisoners in his blog, Captain Lee berates the entire crew of Below Deck for their frat party behavior on this week’s episode. If he would have seen their antics real-time, Lee assures viewers they would have all (well, almost all) been fired! Alas, he has only Bravo footage to rely upon now. But that’s enough to make his blood boil, apparently.
Lee begins, “Well if you thought I was pissed last week, then you have seen nothing yet…honestly I am seething. As you know, I don’t get to see all of the crew shenanigans until the episode airs, unless I happen to come upon them misbehaving unexpectedly. That was not the case here.”
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Mentioning that the crew’s poor tip might have had something to do with their obsession with personal rather than professional matters, Captain Lee goes on to blast nearly everyone, except Emily Warburton-Adam. Sure, she told Ben Robinson to serve the chewy conch! But serving subpar food was Ben’s fault, not hers. He also spares Sierra Storm, who basically had a good week, work-wise. Besides getting constantly berated by Kyle Dixon, she did get her sh*t done. “You tried to rise above his revelations about his lifestyle, and he just wasn’t having it,” Lee compliments.
Captain Lee says he was “surprised” by Kate Chastain this week, whose assessment of girlfriend Ro Hernandez as being too clingy was spot on. He adds, “As far as letting Kyle use the master… I know that we all use the deck area for our own; the deck crew take good care of us, and you were just trying to be a good gal. I get it that you tried to do something nice for Kyle given his efforts during the charter to please the charter guests, but I do feel your intentions were misguided. I am sure you had no idea that they were going to behave in the disgusting fashion that they did, or you would have put and end to it ASAP. Your fault was putting too much faith in how you thought they were going to behave instead of how they actually behaved. They not only let you down, but me as well.”
“Let’s deal with Kelley [Johnson] for a minute,” continues Lee. “I thought Kelley was really putting forth a good effort to do his job to the best of his ability. He had a conversation with Nico [Sholly], where, in my opinion Nico was totally wrong, and Kelley put forth a solid effort to do the right thing. Nico, where do you get off stating that you would defend your crew no matter what? Even if they are wrong, you would go to the wall for them? What were you thinking? If I find you doing that, you and the offending crew member will be on the dock looking for work. You defend someone when they are right and being wrongly accused, that’s how it’s done. That was not the case here. Get your priorities in order or you won’t last long.”
Now, on to the messy business of a pants-less Ben and his merry band of yacht-destroying drunken deckhands! “Their overall performance was appalling at best,” Captain Lee derides. “Ben, Nico, Lauren [Burchnell], and Kyle, in what world did you think that your behavior would go unnoticed? I have rules that all of you are aware of: Don’t embarrass the boat and don’t embarrass yourself. The four of you just totally ignored all of the above. It’s not my fault that you choose to ignore them. You’re all just fortunate that I’m just witnessing your behavior now.”
Lee adds that “if we were not on charter seven with only two charters to go, I would have fired all of you including and starting with a senior staff member named Ben. But having two charters to go and given the virtual impossibility of getting four crew to replace you, it is with distaste that I may be forced to keep you all on board. Much to my dismay, I might add. The future guests should not be penalized for your indiscretion and general lack of class.”
About Ben’s strip show on the way back to Valor from drinks with his brother, Captain Lee has a lot to say: “Since when is walking down a 400 foot dock lined (with yachts on both sides) to the largest mega yacht in the marina with nothing on but a shirt and a smile your idea of class, culture, and breeding? If that is how the upper crust in England behaves, sorry, but I want no part of it. You violated both rules and compounded with your behavior last week; you sir, are an embarrassment to the yacht. Your continued behavior after you got back on board was no better. You are fortunate that I was not privy to what happened until now or there surely would have been serious consequences. As a senior staff member of the crew, you have a responsibility to behave in a certain fashion and set an example for the rest of the crew, which I have made clear to you on several occasions. You most certainly are not paying attention. As to whether you can redeem yourself, I would have to say at this stage of the game I doubt it. I am severely disappointed in your behavior as someone who claims to be a gentleman.”
WHOA! Shots fired. Given Lee’s evisceration of Ben in last week’s blog (over drama with the psychic), I wonder where these two will stand, come reunion time?
Moving on to Lauren and Nico, Captain Lee blogs, “Lauren, I have no words to describe your total disrespect for the yacht you work on and your coworkers as well. Kyle, albeit not clearly enough, tried to tell you and Nico that he wanted to enjoy his night in the Master. Your behavior as well would have gotten you a plane ticket home had I known about it.”
“Nico, wow, you were the one in the beginning of the episode wondering why you couldn’t just have a functioning deck crew. Well, need I say more? While your boss did the correct thing in going to bed and counting on his crew to behave appropriately, you just couldn’t resist getting ‘twisted’ as you so eloquently put it. Well done, Nico, way to show the world that you can do a professional job,” snarks Lee, who also threatens that Nico would have gotten a plane ticket home.
As for Kyle’s treatment of Sierra, Captain Lee thinks it’s time for him to grow up and MOVE. ON. “But you just couldn’t bring yourself to do that, could you?” questions Lee. “Let’s look at the overall view here and see what’s what? You come onto a new boat with no charter experience whatsoever, and from what I can see, a ton of baggage. You have a baby mama and a girlfriend at home, and then you fall head over heels for a stew on board that is not exactly going gaga over you. You try to get in close with her, and when that fails, you get an attitude. On top of that, you don’t disclose all of this to her before proclaiming that you want to bed her. Do I have this right?”
Oh my lord, do I love Captain Lee right now! Spot on about the many special, wounded feelings of Kyle.
Lee closes with more words for Kyle: “All I want out of you is to do your job properly, which I might add you seem to be having difficulty with. I don’t care about your personal life or preferences, unless they interfere with my boat. Then I have issues. To your credit you did try to get the rest of the crew out of your master evening (but in my opinion not seriously enough. And then you just caved and went along with it. And really, does anyone really care about you wanking off? Please keep that to yourself in the future. Plane ticket? Oh yeah.”
TELL US: IS LEE’S ASSESSMENT OF THE CREW THIS WEEK ON POINT OR OVER THE TOP? DO MOST OF THEM DESERVE TO BE FIRED?
Photo Credit: Bravo