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Celebrity Big Brother recap

It’s Day 27 and Day 2 of Final Judgment in the Celebrity Big Brother house, and one of the nominated housemates will be leaving. We start the program with Kim Woodburn in the diary room talking about lust. Really? Far too early for that, and this show airs at 9 PM.

Jedward are in the bathroom singing the Going Commando song. Like you do when you’re teaching a child to pee in the potty. Personally, I can’t wait for the “we are leaving the house and vanishing into obscurity again” song. I’d actually pay for that one.

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It’s the final day of judgment weekend, and it’s an interrogation task. Housemates are given a final opportunity to defend themselves against tweets and viewer opinions.

Bianca Gascoigne is first and defends herself against being calculated and being in a showmance. She trots out the standard media reply that she has been trotting out every time she’s asked about this. Boring.

Kim is accused of being against young woman. She denies it. She declares that she doesn’t regret a thing. Deluded

Coleen Nolan gets targeted for bitching about other housemates with James Cosmo. She replies saying it is more discussing events with him. To be fair, I think it is more that. Everyone loves a good gossip. Even a Lord Commander. Moving on to him, James C is accused of being a boring old man that should have intervened in the argument. James is told he does not deserve to win; he agrees, saying that there are bigger characters in the house.

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Calum Best is accused of being dull, fake, and arrogant. He tells the viewer to “suck a d-ck.” So, he took it well, then. Jedward are accused of going for camera time. They reply with their twitter tag. Gee, I can’t think why they’re considered self-promoting.

Nicola McLean is told she’s the kiss of death. She doesn’t like Kim and she is saved. She doesn’t like Jedward and they are safe. She liked Speidi and they went. I hadn’t even thought about it like that. She defends herself saying at least she’s been herself. Comforting. #keeponeeyeopenbianca

Jamie O’Hara is last. The comment to him is that he has zero chance with Bianca on the outside. He is told that as soon as she sees what he has been saying, she’ll realize he’s a snake. Obviously, Bianca is watching this on a screen as well. He obviously denies with the same media style response Bianca gave. Boring.

Housemates are told that Big Brother will be convicting and sentencing Housemates soon. Nicola and Bianca speculate it’s an eviction. #psychic

After the task, Jamie is talking to Calum and confides in him about a conversation that Nicola had where she said that Calum wasn’t real. Jamie says it was said like a warning. Now I’ve watched these episodes, sometimes more than once, and I can’t recall a conversation even remotely similar, which means it’s either edited with bias (nooooooo……) or Jamie is stirring the pot. Or I wasn’t listening. Anything is possible.

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Housemates are gathered in court for the final judgment. Jamie is told to make his way to the dock and officers handcuff him. He is told he is guilty as charged and received the fewest votes, and then, bye bye. He’s off. Backdoor exit with no audience. The housemates are bewildered and suspicious, and think he may have gone to a secret part of the house.

Bianca asks in the diary room and is told categorically that he has left the house. Weirdly, she doesn’t seem upset what so ever. And coincidentally, today the press had pictures of her outside-the-house boyfriend leaving their house, too. Only this one had to pack his own bags. Bianca gets to do Jamie’s. #rubbingsaltinthewound

We finish the show with yet another argument. Calum is in bed, and Jedward are outside the bedroom singing loudly. He gets fed up and gets up to ask them to be quiet. Rather than apologize and get quieter, they argue. Ironically, a Jedward tells him he’s just sleep deprived and needs some kip. They seem to miss the point that that’s what he’s trying to do. They have a bit of a scream and we reach the end of the show. Like Little House on the Prairie in a parallel universe. On drugs.

Photo Credit: Channel 5

AUTHOR – NICKI M.

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