Last season on the Real Housewives of Potomac, etiquette ruled the day. This season, it seems like the streets do. What I mean is that everyone is getting their word from the streets and damn, the streets of Potomac sure are busy!
We ended last week’s episode with Gizelle Bryant being unceremoniously kicked out of Monique FOUR HOUSES Samuels’ one house in particular. While Gizelle was making her exit, the other ladies had gathered to support a just arrived and highly emotional Charrisse Jackson-Jordan, who was feeling less Cha Cha and more Wah Wah that evening. But never one to let a conversation happen without her, Monique stormed out to the driveway to see what’s really happening. No, not what everyone said was happening but what was REALLY happening because Mo does not tolerate BS. I’m pretty sure she assumed the talk was all about her and instead of letting it roll off her back, needed to start Round 2 with Gizelle because she launches into stating that she doesn’t have to prove anything to Gizelle, which directly translates into her having something to prove to Gizelle. Because if she didn’t have anything to prove, why would she need to rejoin the conversation? Did she need Gizelle out of her driveway that bad? A still unbothered Gizelle lets her know she is happy to leave and the rest of the ladies rejoin the
lame ass party.
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Everyone goes back to playing cards but poor little Ashley Darby just can’t leave well enough alone and after already sharing a rumor with Gizelle that Robyn Dixon’s husband/not husband Juan is out there in the streets (here we go with those streets again) with another woman, decides she absolutely has to tell Karen Huger that very moment. Karen leaves her hand of cards to find out what Ashley is talking about and Charrisse joins them as well. If Ashley wanted to be inconspicuous about this conversation, she failed harder than the crocodile salad on her menu at Oz because Robyn immediately sees what’s going on and comes over. Ashley confronts her with the news and when Robyn doesn’t react in the way she expected, demands acknowledgement from her. Of what, you ask? Who the hell knows. I am assuming Ashley, in all of her teenage glory, thought that Robyn would immediately demand to know who what and why but Robyn doesn’t want to deal with rumors that come from the streets. And the reality is, this might not be any surprise to her. She claims that Juan can do what he wants since they aren’t in a relationship and Ashley’s little head practically explodes at the concept. Charrisse steps in to defend Robyn and tells Ashley she needs to mind her own marriage and stay out of everyone’s relationship. In fact, don’t just mind your own marriage, have a damn kangaroo cocktail or whatever you serve at Oz and have a seat.
Before things can go any further, Monique decides
she needs attention and everyone needs to turn up and dance like its 1975 (seriously, why is Robyn dancing like ReRun from What’s Happening?). But Ashley, being Ashley, insists on trying to get Juan to dance with his wife/not wife and literally has to be pulled away by her own husband, Crocodile Perv-ee, just so she will leave him alone.
Speaking of 1975, Karen’s house is on the market! So Karen and the BBG go to meet with their listing agent, an unimpressed woman named Wendy. Any suggestions that Wendy offers up, from an open house to an actual For Sale sign, are immediately shot down by the Grande Dame, who wouldn’t dare let something as uncouth as a real estate sign adorn her lawn. Karen is sucking her teeth so hard it’s a wonder she doesn’t collapse in on herself! When Wendy mentions that the recent reduction in price, coupled with the amount of time their home has been up for sale will result in some bottom feeder buyers, Karen literally gasps and clutches her nonexistent pearls. This is all very rich coming from someone who doesn’t even have real marble for her kitchen countertops but Wendy proceeds, eventually convincing Karen to allow a private showing. Karen claims she won’t get out of bed for an unsuitable buyer but Wendy sure will and when she shows the house, the buyers and less than impressed and make a few comments about how dated the joint is. HA!
Despite being highly annoyed with Ashley, Charrisse already had plans with her to go dress shopping and apparently, that is sacred so she meets her and some little ram shackled store that sells what I thought were prom dresses. Not very Potomac-ish but neither are non-marble countertops so this episode has me all twisted. Charrisse can barely model her first dress before Ashley is there, all full of opinions and unsolicited advice. Cha Cha gets right down to business and lets Ashley know she needs to slow her roll when it comes to talking about everyone else’s relationship. Ashley’s defense is pretty flimsy, maintaining that being a good friend means sometimes spilling the tea, even when your friend doesn’t want to hear it. That might make sense if that’s what happened, but I’m not sure how going around and repeating rumors from the streets that said friend’s man is cheating on her is really the same thing. OK, it’s not. Not even close.
Charrisse points out the mess of it all and by calling Ashley “little girl” and Ashley becomes exactly that by jumping all over Charrisse for being treated like sh*t for the last four years by her husband, how she has a cloud hanging over her and only talks and cries about her relationship. Charrisse lets her know she is this close to knocking her out and I think it would be well deserved at this point – trust me when I say this, Ashley – your marriage isn’t rock solid and one day, you might find yourself in the same situation. I would certainly hope that other women would show you more compassion than you are showing Charrisse. Yes, Charrisse can be a little (ok, a lot) extra at times, but can you give the woman a break now that her husband of 20+ years left her via a letter from his attorney!? I really hated this whole exchange and word on the street is that Ashley is officially on my sh*t list! She storms out of the shop as Charrisse stoops to her level and tells her good luck getting pregnant by her old man of a husband (in so many words).
Monique Samuels and Big Drawers meet up with their Pastor and First Lady/Realtor to sign paperwork for the offer they are making on the Potomac house. That’s right, y’all, Miss Mo now owns FIVE HOUSES and in case you didn’t know, they are paying cash for this one. How does Monique not understand how people think she brags too much when she insists on pointing out not only are they buying a $4.75 million dollar house, but they are doing it with cash? I truly believe in the quote recently relayed by the incomparable Dorinda Medley when she said that money talks but wealth whispers. Now someone needs to make that a carved sign Monique can stick on her big ole island in her new house.
The Pastor and First Lady aren’t just there to sign paper work, they are also there to give out some free counseling. Maybe that’s included in the commission from the house but either way, Monique gets more than what she asks for when her Pastor instructs her to apologize to Gizelle for calling her a trick. Monique immediately starts to cry and blames her reaction to Gizelle on the fact that it reminds her of what she has to deal with from her mother-in-law. She claims that she didn’t plan on falling in love with someone who was so wealthy but she did and she is tired of being judged for that.
Sigh. This is the crucial part of accountability Miss Mo is missing – if you don’t want to be judged for marrying someone for their wealth, PLEASE STOP TALKING ABOUT YOUR WEALTH. Further, quit accusing everyone of being jealous of you and your lifestyle. Not everyone needs to have FOUR, make that FIVE, HOUSES. Monique literally cannot get past the fact that Gizelle might not like her for a variety of reasons and just chalks it up to her being hateful because she doesn’t have what Monique has. Which is kind of sad because it insinuates that Monique has nothing going on outside of her wealth for people to be jealous of.
It’s time for Charrisse and Gizelle to have their heart to heart with Robyn at Chateau de Cha Cha. Charrisse must be bored and/or drunk because by the time Gizelle arrives, she is wandering her house barefoot and slugging champagne with a tiara on her head. Her assistant/project manager/hair facilitator/dog groomer scuttles about in the background, setting out food. Robyn arrives and after a brief showing of the champagne room and what it will become, they settle in and get down to business about their concern for the rumors that Juan is seeing someone else.
Robyn admits she doesn’t want to deal with it because that means her current situation might not continue and she’s comfortable right now. Yeah, it might not work for you or me, or Gizelle or Charrisse, but it is “working” for Robyn. If you count burying your head in the sand and pretending to still be his wife but not being married to him while he potentially sees other people “working”, that is. Robyn says the kids are her number one priority and Gizelle wants to know what about Robyn? Robyn claims she is too closed off for a relationship right now, despite Juan wanting to get back together. She asserts that she wants the women to trust her, even though she doesn’t have a plan. Charrisse clearly knows what it’s like to hold on to a failing relationship long after the expiration date and gently suggests therapy. Robyn declines, saying she doesn’t need to be fixed. Oh but you do honey, and right now, even Jesus himself can’t fix your marriage/not marriage so please, at least take the therapy.
TELL US – IS ASHLEY BEING EXTRA MESSY? SHOULD MONIQUE APOLOGIZE TO GIZELLE?
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