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As season two of Below Deck Mediterranean cruises on, the tangled web of a love triangle between Chef Adam Glick, Bosun Wesley Wiz Walton, and newly promoted second-in-command, Malia White, is starting to unravel. I bet Malia is really regretting not properly vetting Adam for being a jealous psycho, because it’s really becoming more and more of an issue. Granted, it doesn’t look like Malia is so innocent either – someone needs to pick a coworker to hook up with and just stick with the one. Please, I’m begging you!

Crew drama aside, the most recent charter guests are a real handful, specifically because one of them is a yacht broker, who can easily make and break everyone’s career. So all the Malia nonsense will have to wait while the crew comes together to try and knock the socks off their guests. Too bad the one thing they can’t control is the weather and the weather doesn’t give a flying fig that a yacht broker is on board.

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Captain Sandy Yawn has to make the call to pull the dragging anchors up and head back to port, even though it will disappoint the guests. Keeping them drunk and fed is the primary goal to make sure they are distracted and well, mission accomplished. Dinner service and docking the boat in the dark go off without a hitch but the yacht broker can’t let Captain Sandy off that easily and heads up to tell Sandy some of the minor issues she has noticed. Those minor issues include a few towels being left from the previous guests. Yep, that’s what was so necessary to run up to Sandy and report. I get it, she’s a yacht broker, but simmer down, Queen of Sheba! Only you would think a few extra towels are some kind of infraction worthy of bothering the captain with.

In the morning, the crew wakes up freezing cold and more high winds, so the guests are going to be let down again. Everyone better make sure the towels are on point because this yacht broker can’t take much more disappointment! Regardless of the guests and their plans, Captain Sandy has to make the safest call and that’s staying in port. Hannah Ferrier arranges a private tour of the castle on land to try and make up for it and hopes that Captain Sandy doesn’t turn into Captain Micromanage since she’s stressed.

After breakfast, Sandy tells the broker and her friend that they can’t go off to sea today. When Lauren Cohen arrives to clear their plates, they ask her if anyone on board is trained as a masseur and Lauren responds that they are trained to book them. Smooth. Hannah calls to get two masseurs on board for later.

Now that Wiz has made his selection of Malia as his second in command, it’s time to tell the crew and even Malia can’t stop worrying about how bad it looks. She maintains that she works so hard and kissing the boss shouldn’t have anything to do with it, and yet…..she keeps mentioning it. Must be the guilt talking. I don’t think anyone is disputing that Malia works hard. I mean, not that we ever can see a true example of it, one can just assume based on what we are being told. But let’s keep it real, it doesn’t look like Wiz was thinking with the right head on this one given that Malia has zero experience. Because he was so wrapped up in what he wanted to do and if it would cause a stir, I don’t think that Wiz really considered that it might not be the best thing for the other deckhands to take orders from someone who doesn’t have the experience they do.

Wiz calls a meeting with the Bobby Giancola and Max Hagley to tell them that Malia is going to be his lead deckhand because she is “showing promise”. Bobby is clearly having a delayed reaction since he surprises us all and says congrats without really blinking. Maybe it just really takes him that long to catch onto what happened because when Malia asks him later what he thinks, she is the one who has to point out that she was worried he would think it’s because of the whole hooking up with Wiz thing. Then she leads him to believe that Captain Sandy was also in on the decision, which is misleading. The decision was 100% up to Wiz and Captain Sandy confirmed it. She didn’t provide him with any input into the decision. Bobby was under the impression that he was lead deckhand already but says he doesn’t want to rain on her parade and this all has to be put on hold anyway so they can accompany the guests to their private tour of the fortress.

One guest doesn’t want to bother though and claims that if she can’t be out at sea, she has better things to do. So she packs her bags, complaining about the crew not delivering on their promises and how unprofessional that is. Uhh, can you say #richpeopleproblems? You know you’re spoiled and out of touch when you think money can buy you a change in weather. Either way, she departs in a huff and I say, see ya next Tuesday!

Once the tour is over and everyone is back on the boat, the one person who can’t seem to stop talking about whether or not Malia deserves her promotion is….Malia. She pulls Christine “Bugsy” Drake aside and tells her about Wiz kissing her the other night on anchor duty and how it makes the whole thing kind of weird. Well, it’s about to get a lot weirder because Lauren just heard everything you said and she is about to tell anyone who will listen. It only takes her 60 seconds to get to Hannah, who is annoyed about how hypocritical Malia is being when it comes to professionalism, but also relieved someone else can be the focus of crew drama.

Lauren isn’t done and quickly goes to tell Bobby, who she wasn’t exactly on good terms with, but now is very concerned with having his back. They stand outside on the deck and she tells him that Wiz and Malia kissed on anchor watch, all while Wiz, Malia and Bugsy sit inside and watch them on the surveillance cameras. What is it with Private Eye Bugsy always creeping on people? I understand the monitors are there but there isn’t even sound so why are they sitting there watching?

Now that Bobby knows they kissed again, his feelings about Malia being made second-in-command go right out the window and he’s pissed about how unfair it all is. He immediately calls a meeting with Wiz and Max to ask Wiz about it. He asks Wiz if he understands what this looks like and asks about the kissing rumor. Wiz says it’s true but he made the decision based on professional merit. Bobby isn’t willing to accept this but Wiz sticks by his decision and Bobby has no choice but to storm off.

The next morning, the winds are still high and so are tensions. Bobby isn’t ready to let this whole thing go and as he complains to Max, Malia confronts them and Bobby reveals his feeling about being overlooked because Wiz was too busy flirting with her. Malia is on the self-love train and she’s so far into the ride that she can’t understand this whole thing isn’t because she’s a “cute, attractive, female deckhand” that also happens to work her butt off. Sigh, this is the problem with girls like Malia –you don’t want it to be about your looks, but when you have the opportunity to make it about your merit, you bring up your looks. Yes, it’s possible to work your butt off AND be a cute, attractive, female deckhand. But it’s also possible to get an unwarranted promotion by kissing your boss. Got it, toots?

But if Bobby needs to get in line when it comes to being upset with Malia because Adam just got wind of the kiss, from guess who? Lauren! You can practically see the steam coming off his head when she tells him, then drops “but I don’t really know so you should ask her” bomb and runs for cover.

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Adam heads up to the bridge to confront Malia and Wiz. When he does, Wiz is surprisingly open about what happened, like he owes Adam and explanation. Malia is unapologetic as well, saying she didn’t plan on this happening Adam tells her he doesn’t know how she sleeps at night. A tad dramatic if you ask me, but that’s overshadowed by Adam’s bumbled idiom of how she played him like a flute. Lol, I think you mean a fiddle, buddy.

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Bugsy, who also can’t keep out of everyone’s business goes to check on Adam in his bunk and he reveals that he’s been hooking up with Malia for weeks before they even got on the boat. I was this close to feeling for Adam, since he clearly got played, but then he goes and says he’s going to start telling everyone this to “save face” and I’m right back to hating him with my usual enthusiasm. He then treats us to the flirty texts Malia was sending him the same night she kissed Wiz on anchor watch and they are filled with talks of going out on a date and sneaking into each other’s hotel rooms.

The Sirocco arrives in Dubrovnik and the crew has the day/night off. They head out to enjoy themselves and Bobby, Adam and Max immediately hit the bar to do car bombs and complaining about Malia’s promotion. Wiz walks up, clueless to how drunk everyone is getting and how belligerent Adam is about to be. Back where the girls are drinking, Malia is still talking about if she deserved her promotion and how hard it is to be cute in this world. When she again makes it seem like Captain Sandy made the decision, Hannah knows something can’t be trusted here.

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As the guys head off to meet with the girls, Adam is being an obnoxious, sloppy drunk, bumping into people, high-fiving them with his over mitt on and loudly cursing.
As if that wasn’t bad enough, Adam wants to take things up a notch and in his drunken state, decides to mess with Wiz, doing what looks and sounds like giving him a wedgie. The camera wasn’t right on them and kind of far away, so it was hard to see but you could even hear what sounded like a rip, which may or may not have been Wiz’s underpants. Obviously, Wiz isn’t happy about this violation and when he turns to confront him, Adam has upped his douche game even more and has a phone pointed in his face, presumably recording Wiz’s reaction to the whole thing. Wiz smacks it out of his hand and when he turns to walk away, Adam takes a swipe at the back of his head as Hannah tries to separate the two.

I guess it’s all fun and games until someone’s underwear rips.

TELL US – WAS ADAM AN OVER-THE-TOP OBNOXIOUS DRUNK? THOUGHTS ON THE MALIA LOVE-LIFE MESS?

Photo Credit: Bravo TV

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