Season 2 of Below Deck Mediterranean was a million times better than anyone ever expected. Minus a couple people who had no story line, everyone else was involved in some epic love triangles and arguments – and it didn’t just stay on the boat. They were beefing in interviews and on social media and I was living for it.
After an entertaining and tumultuous season sailing around Croatia, the cast of Below Deck Mediterranean is on dry land and ready to face the emotional pirates of their past voyage. Heading up this charter is a take no prisoners when it comes to love, Andy Cohen, who wants nothing more than to get to the bottom of Chef Adam Glick’s heart. Over and over, we have to relive Adam’s take on Malia White, the one that got away, although she’s really less of “the one that got away” and more of “the one who played two guys like a pro and ended up with the other, who she may or may not be dating still (but we all know she is)”. You’re not fooling anyone, Malia! Just because you come to the reunion dressed like you’re on the Real Housewives of the Croatian Seas, doesn’t mean you get to play the same coy games they do.
Before Andy dives in, he starts with a few ice breakers like, who is still working together? Wesley Wiz Walton and Christine “Bugsy” Drake, who is finally the Chief Stew of something besides her own fantasy world. Who would be Hannah Ferrier’s perfect interior crew? Julia and Tiffany from last season and Lauren Cohen from this season, despite the fact that she talked crap on Hannah the whole time. How did Captain Sandy Yawn feel about Adam mistaking her for the Chief Stew? It doesn’t bother her, she is used to it and she thinks it’s fun to surprise sexist chefs who are too proud to follow a preference sheet people.
We have officially reached the end of the road with Below Deck Mediterranean for another season! Tonight we get just one reunion episode to rehash things and let the cast give extended explanations regarding their behavior, their charter guests and the charter season overall.
Malia White, Wes Walton, and Adam Glick are given a chance to hash out their love triangle. Malia will cop to leading on both Wes and Adam, but tries to justify the why. She does reveal that she and Adam never had sex, although nobody is giving Andy a straight answer on exactly what they consider “sex”.
After what felt like an unusually long charter season on Below Deck Mediterranean, we have finally arrived at tonight’s finale. Between all the hook ups, shifting friendship alliances and overdramatic fights, it’s hard to remember what the dynamic was even like at the start of the season. But one relationship we couldn’t forget (since it dragged out over every single episode) was the love triangle between Chef Adam Glick, Bosun Wesley Wiz Walton and Deckhand/Heartbreaker of the High Seas Malia White. And in case you thought the day would never come, it’s judgement day for Malia. Well, sort of. I have news for all of you Malia haters out there – you might be disappointed at the end of this.
Try as he might, Adam is unable to get Wiz-Golly-Shucks-I-Really-Like-The-Girl to truly give a damn that he is being played like a Croatian fiddle by Malia. I don’t even know if there is such a thing as a Croatian fiddle but if there is, Wiz is being played like one. Adam has not only prepared his speech to Wiz but he also did some “cross referencing” of dates, texts and locations of Malia’s tongue so that he could be fully present all of the evidence to Wiz to make sure he does not befall the same fate as Adam’s poor little broken grown-man heart. I mean, really, does Adam just have the worst case of being a sore loser or what? Well, maybe not the worst, as you’re about to see with The Milkshake Man later this episode, but Adam is close.
On Below Deck Mediterranean, love is kind of like a game of musical chairs – there’s a lot of changing things up and one person is always left out. You can count Chef Adam Glick as the current left out party of one and that is not sitting well with him. Now that he knows he has lost his pre-charter/sort-of relationship with Deckhand Malia White to her boss, Wesley Wiz Walton, he figures it’s time to stop moping and start showing the receipts! As the musical chairs keep on moving, tonight might just be Second Slobber on Deck Bobby Giancola’s chance at love with one of the guests. Never mind that it was only a few episodes ago that he was busy roasting Chief Stew Hannah Ferrier for kissing a guest, Bobby want love and Bobby need love (use your best caveman voice when reading), so it’s OK, right?
On Below Deck Mediterranean, the natives are restless. I repeat: the natives are restless. Atomic wedgies are being given, crew alliances are shifting, and primary charter guests are making the Sirocco their own personal swingers club. And just when you think the crew love triangle between Malia White, Adam Glick and Wesley Wiz Walton has possibly come to an end, it rears its ugly head again, all because no one involved in it can let go. Looks like the crew knows a thing or two about swinging.
We resume in Dubrovnik, the scene of Adam giving Wiz an unwarranted wedgie with so much force, that it actually rips Wiz’s underpants. Wiz, of course, is not happy and a small scuffle ensues, with only Hannah Ferrier there to separate them from a full on noogie battle to the death. Of course I can’t blame Wiz for being bright red with anger over having his underwear ripped up his butt – not only is that incredibly uncomfortable (I’m assuming) but ridiculously childish.
This has definitely been a frustrating charter season for Below Deck Mediterranean star Hannah Ferrier. She had tension with pretty much everyone on the boat except for Lauren Cohen– and then there’s that whole hookup with a charter guest and what I’ve started to call iPad-gate.
The drama sounds like a lot to handle and then on top of that she actually has a job to do which seems like a whole lot of work.
As season two of Below Deck Mediterranean cruises on, the tangled web of a love triangle between Chef Adam Glick, Bosun Wesley Wiz Walton, and newly promoted second-in-command, Malia White, is starting to unravel. I bet Malia is really regretting not properly vetting Adam for being a jealous psycho, because it’s really becoming more and more of an issue. Granted, it doesn’t look like Malia is so innocent either – someone needs to pick a coworker to hook up with and just stick with the one. Please, I’m begging you!
Crew drama aside, the most recent charter guests are a real handful, specifically because one of them is a yacht broker, who can easily make and break everyone’s career. So all the Malia nonsense will have to wait while the crew comes together to try and knock the socks off their guests. Too bad the one thing they can’t control is the weather and the weather doesn’t give a flying fig that a yacht broker is on board.