With a tumultuous and long-standing feud between Reza Farahan and Golnesa “GG” Gharachedaghi finally resolved, the Shahs of Sunset can get back to more important things, like peace in the Middle East. Just how does a Shah go about tackling the task that has eluded generations of people worldwide? By throwing a politically incorrect party, of course!
Reza and Mike Shouhed nurse their hangovers at lunch, while they recover from Shervin Rpoohparvar’s Malibu party the night before. Mike never went to bed and when Mercedes “MJ” Javid shows up, it looks like she hasn’t either….for days. Talk turns from being hungover to how much Mike’s family means to him and that includes family in Israel that he hasn’t seen in over ten years. Hey, wouldn’t it be “the dope-est” if all of the Shahs went to Israel too? Apparently so, according to Reza. He is looking to connect with the Jewish side of his life via a posh vacation with his friends. When they try and get MJ on board, she initially balks, saying she doesn’t want to leave her father while he is sick. But she quickly realizes that she needs a break from her stressful life and I guess another cast trip with this bunch of hooligans is something she might find relaxing. She thrives in chaos after all!
A very pregnant Asa Soltan Rahmati takes a break from talking about her pregnancy to go kaftan boutique hunting with her family. Just kidding, she is still talking about it, saying that her family business is even more important now that there is another family member on the way. And everyone knows you can only sell kaftans out of a non-working refrigerator for so long before you have to upgrade to a ramshackled store front, which is exactly what Asa is doing. The landlord (and old friend of Asa’s) shows up in his landlord-y best, which includes a sundress, pink tights, rainbow wig, and nipple eyelashes, that he immediately shows off to everyone. Is this included in the rent? Never mind that, Asa has some sage to burn and twirls of happiness to make around the space so that it is cleansed and ready to sell kaftans.
GG and thousands of her hair extensions are putting good things out in the universe and you know what that means – good things are coming back. Things like walking in a tacky sequined romper down a runway for some designer no one has ever heard of, I guess? Clearly, she must be friends with this designer and clearly, there is a shortage of eligible models for fashion week in L.A. because why else would someone risk having their clothes ripped off incredible hulk style, mid-catwalk if something doesn’t go Lochnessa’s way? I guess only time (and one fashion show) will tell.
Reza is shopping for his “Gaza Strip, Israeli, Palestine, Peace in the Middle East” party and guys, I cannot stress for the life of me the importance of quotations in this recap. These are Reza’s words, not mine. With that disclaimer out of the way, back to culturally insensitive shopping, y’all!
Destiney, who is off the People’s Couch and a supporting cast member now, shows up to help with the decorations. If this is anything like Mike’s party, Reza should know this isn’t a good idea but then again, Reza isn’t known for being classy when it comes to décor. He also isn’t known for being culturally sensitive but he explains that being a refugee from a war-torn country, where you can be hung for being gay, leaves him with a desire to poke fun at it as a way of coping with his feelings. He invites Destiney to the Israel trip since husband Adam Neely can’t come due to
better judgment work. Destiney also likes “dope” things and taking a trip to Israel is one of them, so she happily accepts.
MJ, despite not being married, has some marital advice for all of us: you must date your husband until the day you die. I have some marital advice for MJ: you must marry a man for him to qualify as your husband. But my advice aside, MJ saying date nights are about romance and making sure your man knows that you still want to have sex. And how does one send up a smoke signal that you want to have a baby with said man? If you’re MJ, you simply tell him “eff it, I want to get ovulation strip and get pregnant.” If you’re fiancé Tommy Feight, your response is something along the lines of surprise, then a brief mention of being more responsible adults before bringing a child into this world, then saying let’s go for it. MJ reasons that Salma Hayek and Halle Berry did it, so why can’t she? I don’t have the answer to that but my guess would be that neither Salma nor Halle lived in a dirty, one bedroom apartment with no running water. That certainly wouldn’t preclude you from having a baby but it might make child rearing a little easier, don’t you think? With a big bite into a Korean BBQ rib, Tommy says he’s in and vows to stop and get ovulation test strips on the way home.
At L.A. Fashion Week, GG (not to be confused with Gigi, an actual supermodel), has arrived to the show and is already swigging champagne and ordering around hair and makeup like she’s been a horrible person all her life. Oh, wait…she has! Shervin comes to support her but can’t manage to even have a conversation, thanks to all the naked models in the room. Within minutes of arriving, GG’s mood gets darker than her raccoon eye makeup after seeing Janice Dickinson, one of the world’s first supermodels, wearing the tacky sequined romper SHE was supposed to be wearing! GG is about to throw some murderous vibes into the universe and snaps at the designer to get “that old a** b**ch another outfit”. Reza and Adam arrive just in time to see this and obviously, can’t get enough. Shervin is oblivious because, boobs. Finally, GG takes a deep breath and says “fine” to another equally ugly sequined outfit and the team puts the finishing touches to her glamorous roadkill look.
With Lochnessa contained, Reza decides to invite Shervin on their trip to Israel and Shervin takes a pass, saying it would negatively affect some of his business relationships. Reza is confused and doesn’t understand why everyone just can’t join him in feeling “Jew-y,” while GG can’t understand why she would want to go somewhere where they want to bomb Palestinians. Reza waives off her statement and a symbolic champagne bottle pops loudly in the background, startling them all. Reza is still trying to get everyone on board and thinks exclaiming “eff Iran” out of frustration will do it. GG is offended but doesn’t really have time to discuss it further since she has a catwalk to go trip down.
MJ has escalated pretty quickly on the baby fever scale and is already making Tommy pinky swear he won’t masturbate anymore. Her plan is to get knocked up and then have a legal wedding ceremony so her babies won’t be “bastards.” Oh MJ, if only anyone could take your idiotic morals to heart, but it’s so hard when you can’t even figure out how an ovulation test works. I know, it’s hard to read directions and pee on something without your fiancé standing over you to help, but I promise, it’s not nearly as hard as taking care of a baby, married or not. Maybe Salma and Halle are just better at reading directions.
Despite almost clawing Janice Dickinson’s face off at the fashion show, GG is transitioning to a calmer, happier person and that means clearing the toxic energy out of her life. Or, what normal people would call, moving. Shervin and Annalise come over to help and thankfully, there are no naked models in the room so Shervin can remain focused. They quickly find out that GG isn’t just harboring toxic energy in her apartment but boxes of old blow up donuts she used to sit on after her butt implant surgery.
Mike arrives and it turns out, his moving company is in charge of moving all the furniture and butt donut boxes. Yes, Mike opened a moving company and he says it’s not sexy but it’s a solid investment in a business because you can’t replace movers with robots. I didn’t know you could replace shoes with robots either so not sure why that business got tossed aside but whatever. Mike doesn’t even bother to wear his own shoe line to help move and is quickly complaining about scuffing up his new Adidas.
The night of Reza’s big party and everyone is going all out in costume. MJ gets ready eating fried rice in her bathroom while getting her makeup done. At the party house, Reza and Adam arrive, dressed in full Orthodox Rabbi costumes. Reza muses that since he is more in tune with the Jewish side of his religion, he hopes he can wear the outfit without being disrespectful. In his next breath, he is showing off his “sexy burqa bitches,” who are there to entertain and serve the party goers in headscarves and sequined bikinis.
Mike arrives as Moses, Asa arrives as…pregnant, but claims she is world peace, simply because she draped a white scarf that’s painted with a peace sign around her stomach. MJ is in a skin tight skeleton costume with side boob and Shervin comes in an orange suit, saying he’s an immigrant from the seventies. GG arrives in a full burqa and dark sunglasses, all which make it impossible for her to get drunk quickly.
GG still isn’t sold on going to Israel and when Reza asks, Shervin also expresses concerns about being welcomed. Mike promises that Israel is very accepting, but GG pushes back again, saying they are not of Muslims. It starts to get a little heated but GG’s real issue is Reza’s comment to “eff Iran.” In a surprising twist, Reza immediately apologizes, explaining that he loves everything about Iran but the government. Asa tries to bring resolution to the conversation by reminding everyone how important it is that they respect each other’s journey. That’s enough for GG to fully get on board and agree to go to Israel so she celebrates by grinding on Mike, proving that all you need is love and a little dry humping to make the world a better place.
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Photo Credit: Bravo