Below Deck Mediterranean Recap: Big Pimpin’

On Below Deck Mediterranean, love is kind of like a game of musical chairs – there’s a lot of changing things up and one person is always left out. You can count Chef Adam Glick as the current left out party of one and that is not sitting well with him. Now that he knows he has lost his pre-charter/sort-of relationship with Deckhand Malia White to her boss, Wesley Wiz Walton, he figures it’s time to stop moping and start showing the receipts! As the musical chairs keep on moving, tonight might just be Second Slobber on Deck Bobby Giancola’s chance at love with one of the guests. Never mind that it was only a few episodes ago that he was busy roasting Chief Stew Hannah Ferrier for kissing a guest, Bobby want love and Bobby need love (use your best caveman voice when reading), so it’s OK, right?

Back at the Croatian club, the crew is still enjoying their night off with Hannah and Adam taking off back to the boat in an effort to get under Malia’s skin. It works, as hard as Malia tries to act like it doesn’t. She is left to complain to Christine “Bugsy” Drake, the other Hannah Hater she knows she can count on, and Bugsy doesn’t let her down. Not only does this make Malia despise Hannah even more, but it also drives her further into the mouth arms of and always waiting Wiz.


As Hannah and Adam stumble back to the boat, Hannah barely makes it, almost falling into the water at one point. Even if Adam they did want to hook up, it would be impossible given Hannah’s state. Hannah can’t even sit on the counter without immediately falling off it. But this little escapade was more about putting on a show for Malia, boosting Adam’s sagging ego and fostering their newfound friendship.

As the rest of the crew comes back to the boat, Malia can’t help but tell Adam as he walks by her that he sold out to Hannah. They bicker, like all non-couples who love/hate each other do and when Adam storms off, Wiz immediately and not figuratively, moves into Malia’s open arms to make out with her and kiss all of her Adam problems away. Then he goes back to her cabin with her and climbs into bed, forcing an annoyed Bugsy out of her own room. Bobby catches wind of this and goes to tell them how unprofessional it is. Wiz has no choice but to slink off to his own bed the moment “unprofessional” is uttered.

The next morning, the crew is up and working and Bugsy sure is a busy little bee. While Hannah sleeps off her hangover, Bugsy tells Captain Sandy Yawn how Hannah hasn’t set not one table this whole charter season! As if that wasn’t immediate grounds for firing, Bugsy goes on to whine about how she doesn’t feel supported by Hannah and she is busy pulling all of the weight in the interior crew. She knew she shouldn’t have taken the role of Second Stew, all for the sake of being on TV, because now she has all of the work and none of the glory. Sandy is sympathetic because she wants her crew to be able to come to her, but she’s no babysitter and tells Bugsy she’s going to have to handle it with Hannah on her own. Bugsy continues to fume as she makes beds with Lauren Cohen, who definitely isn’t going to be making her feelings on Hannah’s work ethic known anytime soon. Sorry, Bugs, you’re on your own!

It’s time for a fun new charter guest and by new, I mean someone we have already seen from last season and by fun, I mean the most annoying guest ever: Jerry, the Milkshake Man. That’s right, Jerry, a rich nerd/pimp with no game, is back. You might remember him by his love of milkshakes and all things awkward, like bringing Bobby and Danny on shore one day to try and get him girls to bring out to the boat since he couldn’t do it himself.


But before Bugsy can cater to such a high maintenance type of guest, she needs to talk to Hannah and get her feelings off her very nervous chest. Bugs admits that she doesn’t like confrontation and you can tell – as she confronts Hannah, her voice shakes and it looks like she is on the verge of tears. She opens with saying that she thinks Hannah is a lousy Chief Stew. Ok, Bugsy doesn’t waste any time, does she? Hannah looks at her, stone faced, as Bugsy barrels on to say she thought they started out ok but doesn’t know what happened. Ummm Hannah does! Bugsy broke her trust the second she back-stabbed her and read through her private messages with a guest, all so she could sit back and smugly say Hannah isn’t a good Chief Stew and the job should have been hers. Bugsy finishes up with the lame hope that they can knock the next charter out of the park and Hannah is looking at her like she’d like to knock something out all right.

Since Bugsy is so overworked, Hannah decides it would be best to tell Sandy that she would like to take over night shifts again just so Bugs can get some rest. Sandy thinks that’s a great idea and praises Hannah for what a great Chief Stew she is. This is the beauty of Hannah: love her or hate her, she can shade and manage all at the same time, without even thinking about it.

Barf Alert! Bobby has just been matched on Tinder with one of the women Jerry has hired to come on board with him and Bobby couldn’t be happier as he tells the rest of the crew and stalks her Instagram. This girl may have a fake butt, hair and boobs but the Tinder connection is all real.

Jerry arrives and can’t hide his shock that a woman is the captain. Aren’t women just paid boat companions? Poor Jerry’s world is rocked with this new development in the “Things that Women are Capable of” department but no time to dwell, because he’s got to introduce his harem of high-end vacation escorts, with not a Lala Kent in sight #disappointed. Two of them even get lost on the tour of the boat. Hey, he’s not paying them to be able to self-navigate, right?

Over lunch, it gets more and more gross as Jerry constantly refers to each girl as “princess” and talks to them like they are little girls at boarding school. When one of them can’t manage to stay in her own chair, he laughs to the only other guy he brought on board at how drunk they are, then tells “princess” she can have whatever she wants, including the peanut butter toast and milkshake she is requesting.

Once lunch is over, it’s time for the guests to play on water toys and figure out complicated matters, like how to get through the sliding glass doors. Spoiler Alert – they can’t figure it out without help. When Bobby tells Jerry that he got matched with one of his girls, Jerry decides to set up a date for her and Bobby because he doesn’t just hire girls for his own entertainment, he also pimps them out too!

During downtime from making milkshakes, Adam is starting to seethe about the whole Malia thing and how it’s making him look like a jealous jerk. There is context to Adam’s jealous jerkiness, and the crew deserves to know! Adam confides in his new best friend Hannah, who first complains that Bugsy said she shouldn’t have been Chief Stew. Adam thinks this is unnecessary, despite the fact that he said the same thing to Hannah just a few episodes ago, but that is ancient history – they are now bound by an equal disdain for that minx Malia and her wily ways! Anyway, now is the time to clue Hannah in on how Malia was still texting him when she was hooking up with Wiz and a surprised Hannah offers he full support to Adam.

Dinner is approaching and Jerry the Pimp pulls his girl Paola aside so she can meet her Tinder date, Bobby and chat with him outside on the deck. I’m sure Paola is wondering how she came all the way to Croatia to be matched with the human equivalent of a slobbery golden retriever but hey, a girl’s gotta get paid so she pretends to be interested when Bobby tells her all about how he became a firefighter.

After dinner, all the knee-high sock wearing girls go to bed early to avoid talking to Jerry anymore but Bobby isn’t done with Paola. She asked for his number and text him to come to her room. Bugsy is watching all this happen and while she certainly doesn’t seem to be offended or care at all, tries to save face by saying she can’t condone it or she would be a hypocrite for all the crap she gave Hannah when it came to her guest relations. One person who doesn’t mind being a hypocrite is fellow deckhand Max Hagley, who eggs Bobby on completely.

Bobby nervously heads down to Paola’s room and when she opens the door, he blurts out that it smells nice, like beautiful ladies. Smoooooth. No wonder he leaves with nothing more than a hug.


The next day, as they bust out the water toys, Bobby is still all hopped up from a room that smelled like “hot babes” and justifies his soon-to-be hook up with a guest as ok, because he really wanted to find a girl on this charter. It’s not his fault it’s a guest; blame Tinder! Bobby convinces a bored Paola to join him on the jet ski and as soon as they get far away enough from the boat, he cuts the motor and turns his baseball hat around so he can make out with her properly. When he gets back on shore, he brags about what a great kisser she is and can barely keep his teeth in his head he’s so worked up.

Bobby’s make out session aside, today is the day of reckoning since Adam can’t keep his mouth shut any longer. He is driven by his past break up with his fiancé, who was Middle Eastern and never introduced him to her family. Adam feels like he’s Malia’s secret this time and he has to tell Wes the truth. He goes to Wes in their bunk and starts by apologizing for their recent scuffle, wishes Wiz and Malia nothing but the best, oh and just one more thing – Malia is an effing liar!

Adam busts out the text for Wiz to look through and we have to wait until next week to see Wiz’s reaction but my guess is that we are going to have a new player left alone in this game of musical chairs: Malia.

Editor’s note: Last night’s episode wasn’t the season finale as I said in the preview post. It’s actually next week! Sorry for the confusion!


Photo Credit: Bravo TV