90 Day Fiance Recap: Good Morning America

I hereby revoke my previous stance of rooting for Evelyn. Because, it turns out, she is THE WORST. On this week’s 90 Day Fiance, we find out exactly what happens when an 18-year old girl is told by her family that she is super-duper special and gifted. She becomes an insufferable brat who entraps entices a foreigner into marriage with her innocent smile, then promptly begins making his life a living hell. David is finding this out within 48 hours of landing on American soil. Elsewhere, Nicole and Azan fight over how to parent May while, Thailand-David has to break it to Annie’s parents that he is basically baht-less. In Georgia, Molly has to face facts that her daughter, Olivia, is not at ALL okay with Luis moving in. Lastly, Elizabeth prepares to visit her neanderthal fiance, Andrei, in Ireland. She will, of course, need to also travel back in time (like, pre-women’s rights) in order to meet him.

In Morocco, Azan isn’t able to handle a toddler, nor his naked hatred of Nicole, his bride-to-be. When Nicole yells at him on the street about how he (rather than her, the actual parent) should pay better attention to May, Azan is once again embarrassed by her in public. Which he should be used to by now. But it’s been a few months since his last trip of torture, so maybe he’s rusty? Nicole just wants to pull the “I’m May’s mom!” card when it’s convenient, scolding Azan about giving in to her fits too much. HA! This comes from the chick who literally pushes, screams at, and blackmails people every time they don’t give into her pathetic whining.

In GA, Olivia drives everyone home from the airport because Molly has multiple DUIs and side-eyes Luis in the back seat. Molly knows Olivia is not a Luis fan, but her younger daughter is doing a nice job of breaking the ice, so the air isn’t too frosty yet. At home, Molly’s live-in brother, Jess, continues to rock his Weird Al vibe (prediction: this guy will steal every scene filmed at Molly’ house – he is reality TV gold!) while Luis marvels at the working toilets and magical electricity. He’s hit the jackpot, baby! Molly giggles as she leads Luis to the bedroom to show him the picture she’s already framed of his parents. #Creepy

90 Day Fiance Recap: Good Morning America

Jess offers Luis a nice stiff drink to lighten the mood while Molly begs Olivia to join them for dinner. Olivia won’t be doing any such thing, however. She’s outta there! Luis sees this as disrespectful, suggesting a nice spanking might do the trick. Whoa, whoa, WHOA there, sir! Please retract that statement right how before the entire female internet comes after your butt. Yikes.

In Tampa, Elizabeth Facetimes with Andrei, who is still awaiting his K-1 Visa in Ireland. Then she heads to see an immigration lawyer about what the holdup might be. The lawyer, Emel, warns Elizabeth that any past infraction or arrest – however minor – might stall the visa. A conviction isn’t necessary; even a bar arrest would flag the visa for review, and might be considered fraud.

90 Day Fiance Recap: Good Morning America

To make matters worse, Andrei also came to the U.S. in the past on a tourist visa, but illegally overstayed his visit by six months. Um. That ain’t good. Obviously, Emel says this will not bode well for him getting another visa into the country. Elizabeth is shocked to hear this news, but even more scared of Andrei’s reaction to being “interrogated” at his visa interview. But the real mystery is this: Why are red flags and alarm bells NOT going off in this chick’s head right now?!?

90 Day Fiance Recap: Good Morning America

More on that later, for now we must travel to New Hampshire, where David is about to find out what a monster he’s engaged to. First, a tour of the town and some pancakes. The tour leaves David unimpressed, but maybe the Country Cafe will lift his spirits? Magic 8 Ball reads: Outlook Not Likely.

As Evelyn sips her coffee and counts the calories in her pre-pancake doughnut, she warns David about meeting her friend, Mikayla, later at his “Welcome” party. Mikayla is a realist, while Evelyn is more of a Pixar-princess. When David says he’s not marrying her to live the “American Dream” because he’s got dreams of his own, Evelyn literally says the following: There’s no such thing as a European Dream. She also utters these words while smirking, mind you, which awards her 50 bonus points in the “I’m truly a piece of sh*t” category! Oh man. #EvelynSuuuuuuuucks

90 Day Fiance Recap: Good Morning America

David tries to explain to Evelyn – very slowly and in small words – that people in Spain have dreams too. Such as, not eating stale doughnuts at the Country Cafe? Evelyn shrugs this nonsense off, next launching into her complaints about David’s friends, who don’t want to pay $100 a piece for tuxes after spending thousands on tickets to come to their wedding. I mean, she already told HER bridesmaids that they’re not going to be in HER wedding if they don’t buy HER dress, so hmmmmmph! (BTW, please let this dress consist of a Target coverup thrown over a swimsuit. PLEASE.)

David wants Evelyn to understand that in his culture, weddings don’t have to be such overblown, expensive affairs. The petulant child she is, Evelyn just whines that she’s been planning this dream wedding her entire life! Um, I have Gap sweatshirts older than Evelyn, so she can just go ahead and shut her pie-hole with this ‘my entire life!’ crap. But Evelyn must really be feeling that caffeine/sugar rush now, because she suddenly snarks, “Fun fact: We’re getting married in America.” To which David responds with his own fun fact: “But you’re getting married to a foreigner. Bon appetit!” Ooh, David with the BURN!!! Hey – I like this guy.

90 Day Fiance Recap: Good Morning America

In Thailand, David and Annie travel to her village to meet with her parents. They are greeted with a sweet welcome dance from the people of Annie’s village, which brings them to tears. David’s tears might also be about him having to confess his financial mess to Annie’s parents, who think he’s a millionaire. But he’s more in the neighborhood of a hundredaire…maybe…at best. Let’s put it this way: He can afford half a water buffalo, max. This does not a dowry make.

90 Day Fiance Recap: Good Morning America

After they dance with the villagers for a bit, they head inside Annie’s home with her family. Annie is petrified that her parents will reject David because of his financial status. When they sit down to discuss the small dowry of 50,000 baht (roughly $1,500) David is offering, Annie’s mother reminds him of how important a generous dowry is as part of their tradition. Bottom line: They want 500,000 baht ($15,000) and two buffalo.

90 Day Fiance Recap: Good Morning America

They will, however, accept the lower dowry now, asking only that David cough up the rest later. Gee whiz – David thinks this is a swell plan! As we all know, this down payment will be followed by NO other payments, but the family doesn’t realize this sad fact yet. They are essentially about to experience the U.S. financial crisis of 2008 up close and personal, courtesy of David’s empty bank account. And for that, we apologize on behalf of his sorry a$$, Annie’s parents.

Back in GA with 89 days to wed, Molly and Luis are cooking breakfast after sharing their first night of bliss together. Molly is hoping that Olivia comes around soon – since it’s already been a whole 12 hours! Luis calls his first night with Molly “great!” and “the best!” smiling at his good fortune. He’s not thrilled about Olivia not liking him, though, and isn’t sure how to respond when Molly admits her daughter just needs time to adjust. Here’s a suggestion: BE UNDERSTANDING, dude. She’s a teenage girl whose mother has just moved a stranger into her house. Her behavior is utterly normal, unlike everyone else’s on this sh*tshow.

90 Day Fiance Recap: Good Morning America

Speaking of maladjusted behavior, let’s head back to Morocco! Nicole, May, and Azan head to lunch. Nicole is still under the impression that she can teach Azan a thing or two about how to be a good parent, and Azan is still under the impression that Nicole is dedicated to “getting healthy.” She promised she would make an effort to eat healthier and exercise in the past months, but she hasn’t delivered on that promise.

As May eats french fries, Azan comments on the bad food habits Nicole is passing on to her daughter. Okay – as a fellow parent, I’m gonna cut Nicole some slack on feeding her kid nuggets and fries to appease her in a restaurant (can I get a witness?!), but we ALL know what the real issue is here: Azan isn’t happy with Nicole’s appearance. He’s made NO secret of it since the beginning, and he’s continuing his relentless campaign now.

“It’s not as easy as you think it is!” whines Nicole. Then Azan delivers the final blow, saying, “Because you’re lazy.” OUCH. OK, I am no fan of Nicole, people, but that was just…harsh. Was it true? Probably. But also cruel? Most definitely. <in my best Devar voice>

Back in the States, Elizabeth is freaking out over delivering bad news to Andrei – the man who may or may not have been arrested (multiple times) and who definitely broke visa rules in the past. She boards the flight to Ireland in fear of his expected anger, a feeling she’ll likely become used to in the years to come if she hitches her wagon to this shady dude. Well. lots o’ luck to you, girl! You’re gonna need it.


Photo Credit: TLC

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