After a week-long break, The Real Housewives of Potomac are back and while they don’t seem to speak a lick of French, the women do have snooty down to a science. I joke – the French are wonderful people and next week the American invasion by the Housewives will have the entire country chain smoking, wine guzzling and carb loading on crusty bread. In other words, a typical Monday. But first, there are vendettas to be settled, invitations to craft, and mimes to terrorize.
Karen Huger and Candiace Dillard are meeting for a Garra rufa pedicure. I said last time that I didn’t know these salons were BYOB. Imagine my surprise learning this type of fish pedicure is still a thing. I had to google it, and yes, if you don’t live in one of the ten states that have banned it, you too can have fish sucking on your feet. As soon as they are settled and the fish are doing whatever it is the fish do, in walks Sherman’s ex, Kyndall.
Karen had put the brakes on her friendship with Kyndall out of respect for Gizelle Bryant. However, between the #freeuncleben t-shirt and Gizelle’s disruption of Karen’s charity event with her storm trooper sidekick, Robyn Dixon, Karen no longer feels the need to stay loyal. In fact, she feels free to talk crap about Gizelle behind her back. The Grand Dame knows some real vivid references and since I try to keep this recap PG, I’ll only say Vaseline would be a necessity. Kyndall tells her to just call Gizelle what she is: a bitch. Candiace knows she does not have a dog in this fight or skin in the game and she is all quiet on the Potomac. (As a side note, I love idioms and puns. My kids think I’m weird.)
Karen turns her attention to Candiace and Chris’ big blow-up. Candiace tells the ladies that Chris called her a Diva which is a real trigger for her. Kyndall doesn’t understand. She sees Candiace as nothing short of diva. She’s not even diva-adjacent and no one thinks that’s bad…except I guess Candiace. She then admits the terrible things she said to Chris regarding his deadbeat dad. And this right here is why I just can’t quit Karen: she gives Candiace great advice. She tells her that the two things are not remotely equal, and Candiace better not go down the aisle if she is going to fight like this because it won’t last. There is no comparison and Candiace crossed a boundary. I feel like Karen is the mother figure Candiace didn’t know she needed.
Monique Samuels and her husband Chris are out to dinner. It’s a good thing too, because I bet you can’t guess what Monique is! That’s right – she’s BUSY! And apparently on her phone All. The. Time. Monique tells Chris that she’s really confused because Charrisse Jackson Jordan is ignoring all her calls and texts. They used to hang out on the daily, but lately it’s been radio silence from Cha-Cha, and Monique has no clue what she’s done (neither do I). Leave it to Chris to cheer her right up. For her birthday he’s gifting her a trip to anywhere she wants to go and he’ll stay home with the kids. I have to say this is a great gift and every woman’s fantasy. Then Monique kills it for me by starting to talk about their sex life. All I can say is thank you capitalism for the commercial break and cutting that conversation short. Just…no.
Ashley Darby is at Oz preparing for an open mike night. Singing was her talent in the Miss America pageant, so she and her brother will be singing a song dedicated to Michael. Is it Diamonds are a Girl’s Best Friend? Money Maker? Material Girl? Now I ain’t saying she’s a gold digger…. Aaaanyway, Michael asks if her mom will be there. Things are still tense since they had their fight last month, and Ashley thinks they need to get together and get back to a good place.
Monique tells Chris that she’s decided to go to France and will take all the ladies. Chris is, of course, skeptical of Gizelle and Robyn. Monique wants to prove she’s the bigger person and just moving on and growing and all the same ol’ lines all the housewives use. Bottom line is, despite all the terrible things none of us would put up with for a single second, she’s inviting Gizelle and Robyn on the trip. Whether you’re team Gizelle or team Mo, it still only makes sense in a land called Real Housewives. Not for nothing, but the only part of France I’d be showing Robyn and Gizelle would be a replica of the guillotine. I’m petty like that.
Waaayyy out in the Baltimore suburb of Hanover, Robyn is with her boys. At her front door is a mime. So sure, she opens it, because that’s not weird. While her boys freak out and keep wondering why Mom would open the door to the scary clown and wonder if they should be yelling “Stranger Danger!”, the mime hands Robyn her France invite. Robyn just wonders why? Don’t we all…
Gizelle meets Karen at an outdoor café for lunch and a good smackdown. They’ve been friends for years, and G misses Karen’s 3 a.m. drunk dialing. Karen asks Gizelle why she’s been so mad. Gizelle tries to start back at Robyn’s women’s empowerment event, but Karen shuts her down. Let Robyn fight her own fight. She wants to know about Gizelle’s reasons only. Karen can string a list of reasons why Gizelle is not her favorite friend these days. Karen’s diatribe hums along, but Mon Dieu! Is that a mime at the table? Gizelle tries to ask why Karen is hanging around a thirsty girl like Kyndall, but neither can concentrate on the argument. Karen pushes forward, but the damn clown is back! She nearly yells Security! She then tells Gizelle to stay with the mime as she runs into the restaurant. It’s official: From now on, every Housewife argument has to have a mime as a referee.
Candiace and Little Chris meet at a lawyer’s for a prenup. Problem is, neither have any assets. As the lawyer quietly reconsiders the wisdom of agreeing to have her firm showcased on Bravo, she asks if alimony will be paid. Candiace can’t decide if, in the event of Chris cheating, she will kill him or suck out all the cash from his bank accounts. She decides to sleep on it. Nothing is resolved and I use this time to go get a snack.
Monique visits Charrisse at home and I’m anxious for a view into the Champaign Room. Ha! They sit in the living room. I know this is so last season, but why did she do the 100k Champaign Room if no one sits there? If it’s for Cha-Cha only, then that’s just sad. I digress… Monique’s upset that their relationship has shifted. Charrisse loves her like a little sister, so I guess that means as the big sis, she can dump all over Mo. I mean, it’s one thing when you’re 12, but doing it to a friend at fifty is just nasty. However, the two make up for now. Monique then gets a text from Gizelle declining her France invitation. And by the way, her puppet Robyn won’t be attending either.
It’s open mike night at Oz. Michael is flying in from a business trip and will be late. Gizelle, Robyn, and Karen arrive on time. So does Ashley’s mom. Ashley can’t believe it when Gizelle tells her that she and Robyn have both declined the trip to France. Why on Earth would they do that? Gizelle mentions CBC and Robyn just sits there. Karen asks her if she has something to get off her chest. Robyn calls Karen a liar yet again and brings up the Women’s Empowerment Event again, and this is a stupid fight that has lasted waaaayyyyyy too many episodes. Karen must be reading my mind because she sort of apologizes to Robyn. Instead of being gracious and accepting, Robyn has no intention to ever accept any apology. So whatever, let’s move on to the singing. Well, it’s not great, but it’s better than listening to whining about CBC rebuffs and Women’s Empowerment brush-offs. Monique arrives and asks Gizelle to talk. Mo tries to explain why she didn’t want to interrupt her while she was working the CBC business event. But Gizelle is mad about her not coming over. Gizelle’s mad that she was invited to France. She’s basically just pissed off in general. She declines the invite but then tells Monique she and her puppet are on the fence.
It’s about time for Ashley to sing, and Michael arrives in time to catch it. Her mom sits next to him and it’s hella awkward. Ashley and her brother perform the song for Michael and it’s much more sincere than I thought it would be. Afterward, Monique asks Robyn if she will be coming to her birthday party in France. Robyn looks over at Gepetto Gizelle. She tells Monique that she and Robyn will be hanging out only together so don’t expect them to be all in, but yes, they’ll attend.
Tell us: Should Gizelle and Robyn even go on this trip?
Recap Author: Dana S.
Photo Credit: Bravo TV