Tonight’s episode of The Real Housewives of Potomac was like reading a Nancy Drew book written by someone who has had way too much wine. If only the ladies could get to the bottom of Karen Huger’s missing wedding ring and what it could possibly mean, then maybe they could finally leave her alone and enjoy France. Karen, however, is not giving up any clues and is trying to throw everyone off her trail. And speaking of mysteries, can someone please explain to me what happened to Ashley Darby tonight? It’s like she went to bed with a head cold and woke up with an Incredible Hulk sized bad attitude. What is in French OTC medication anyway? At least tonight’s arguments weren’t too public, so…PROGRESS!
But first we are back at breakfast on the balcony with Gizelle Bryant arguing with Monique Samuels. Gizelle is confused why Monique would go out of her way to hurt her by inviting Kyndall when she thought they were fine. She’s not jealous because every day she wakes up knowing she’s the baddest thing walking. And just so you know, she really doesn’t care about Sherman’s past. She decides that she and Monique won’t ever be besties, but she can move past this, call a truce, and eat some pancakes. Determined to make a graceful exit, she walks to the door which won’t open. She struggles for a moment. Between giggles Monique tells her to try to the other door. It won’t slide either. Ohhhh… you have to push it open! Success!
Everyone is supposed to meet at 11 am at the van, but only Karen and Charrisse Jackson Jordan are on time. An hour later everyone else shows and they pile into the van for the two hour drive to a winery. The scenery is breathtaking, and they’re met by a man with a French accent and glasses of wine. Dreams really do come true! Inside he takes a ‘wine thief’ to extract some wine from the barrels into glasses for the ladies to taste. Ashley keeps it classy by equating it to what they do to inseminate cows. They head outside for more wine and cheese. Karen offers to serve their host and comments that this is how she’s kept her marriage going to 21 years. Gizelle retorts that he couldn’t know Karen’s marital status due to lack of ring. Karen says it’s a personal preference. Ashley and Gizelle give each other a look that says they know something is fishy.
Charrisse pulls Monique aside to rehash Monique throwing her under the bus. Monique thinks the tread marks are more 50/50. When Cha said she’s bringing Kyndall to the Hurricane Harvey event, Monique thought the sting was on and she upped it with the gala invite. She assumed Charrisse was still holding a grudge for the fireman comment. Charrisse informs her that isn’t the case because she and Gizelle have buried the hatchet and therefore Cha’s not part of the gala messiness. Monique is convinced her assumption was right but just lets it drop.
You know who we haven’t talked about yet? Candiace Dillard and Robyn Dixon. Were they even on the bus? I really don’t remember. Candiace decides that she wants to talk to Robyn and Ashley but they’re too busy taking pictures of themselves because the light is perfect. Once again her timing is terrible. Karen tries to help by telling them to focus and Robyn wants to know what the problem is. Candiace can speak when they’re ready. I see now that her timing will always be off because they don’t care what she has to say. Candiace tries to speak her piece, but she gets emotional and starts crying. She wants friends, not sparring partners and is sick of everyone judging her. Karen, Charrisse, and Monique all see she needs help and jump to her rescue.
Back in the van, Monique announces she’s planning to put her name on wine like Karen does with perfume and Karen takes it as a joke as intended and laughs. Ashley uses the lighthearted moment to jump all over Karen’s life. She lashes out about all Karen’s problems. Karen tells everyone that her marriage is an institution unlike Ashley’s which is fake AF. She tells Ashley that she looks miserable with Michael but Ashley reminds everyone that it’s Karen that isn’t wearing her ring and announces Karen said something about Ray’s old, dried up…whatever. The point is that Ashley thinks Karen is a liar and Ashley’s using any and all gossip to hurt Karen. Karen believes Ashley’s marriage is holding by a thread and that even though a long marriage is up and down, hers still has more ups. She yells that Ashley is obsessed with her life and OMG we haven’t even left the parking lot yet!
Candiace has had it up to her eyeballs with Ashley. Everyone knows that Karen has had a rough few months. She thinks Ashley acts like a friend and then when you let your guard down and talk real with her, she turns around and uses it against you. Last week Monique asked Ashley if she was a spy for the Green Eyed Bandits. There seems to be a pattern developing. Candiace jumps into the fray and like a dragon Ashley focuses her fiery gaze upon Candi. Ashley’s words are staccato knives piercing Candiace repeatedly. She makes fun of Candiace crying earlier. Candiace turns to Ashley and screams at her to suck a d*ck. Monique spouts off “What color?” It’s a looooong two hour drive back.
The next morning Monique asks everyone for a drama free day. Um…no. Karen plans to ignore Ashley and have fun. They take a boat on the Mediterranean. Instead of focusing on the views, Gizelle is once again focused on Karen’s left hand. Where’s the ring? She had it on just an hour ago. Bravo does a flashback that shows Karen did NOT have it on. Karen wonders why Gizelle is so focused on her ring and her man. Out of the blue Karen tells the story about how she was mugged and as the robber was grabbing her necklace, Karen saved her wedding ring by shoving it in her hoo-ha. Gizelle asks the question we all have: How was that possible? Apparently Karen calls her boobs (or is it her bra) a hoo-ha! Excuse me for just a sec while I go laugh hoo-ha off.
The boat docks in the ancient city of Eze. While some of the ladies shop for lavender and other herbs, Karen, Ashley, and Gizelle walk through the cobble stone streets. Karen remarks how in the U.S. we tear down the old, but in France it’s preserved. They climb up a steep hill and the view at the top is spectacular. They’re too tired to fight and I vote that they have to be on Stairmasters anytime they get together for the rest of the trip.
That night they dress in Burlesque costumes and everyone looks pretty great. Ashley admits she looks more like Monique’s personal stripper. Gizelle arrives but has to take a call from her daughter who is crying. It was a bad day at school and she needs her mom back home. Showing once again that the housewives could all take a lesson from the kids, another of Gizelle’s girls gives her sister a hug to help her stop crying. Ashley, take a note: this is how normal people treat someone crying. Mocking them is a bad look.
Back at the table, Gizelle reveals to Charrisse what Monique said about bringing around Kyndall. At first, Cha wonders if they’re just friends when it’s convenient. As for Monique and Karen inviting Kyndall to their charities, Charrisse told both of them at the time she thought it was messy. Karen confirms that Cha did say it and reminded Gizelle that she did text her in advance so not to blindside her. Gizelle and Charrisse are fine and back to being friends. They agree to make out later.
The music starts and Robyn and Ashley do a dance and reenact the umbrella choking scene between Robyn and Monique. Afterward Monique and Robyn both take responsibility for their part of the fight. Who knows…maybe they’ll end up friends. Stranger things have been known to happen. Candiace sings Happy Birthday to Monique in French. They end the trip on a happy note and all friends again. However, you know the truce will last about as long as a bag of Doritos lasts around my teenagers. In other words, if they make back on US soil without a wig pull it will be a miracle.
Recap Author: Dana S.
TELL US: DO YOU THINK KAREN NOT WEARING HER RING IS BIG OR BLAH? DO YOU THINK CHARRISSE HAD MORE TO DO WITH KYNDALL ATTENDING THE GALA THAN SHE ADMITS?
Photo Credit: Bravo TV