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Millionaire Matchmaker starts this episode off by looking like the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills while Patti still desperate to show she has friends is lunching with her fabulous single friends.

Patti Stanger explains to her friends that she is dating and has been seeing some foreign dude. Her friends tell her she would be a great mother with all her temper tantrums, arguing, and making people feel like sh*t. This is a perfect Segway to tonight’s millionaires where Patti must use her mothering gene to nurture one millionaire into the basics of dating 101.

Patti’s new project Daniel Kibblesmith is a complete nerd who is in desperate need of Patti’s awesomeness to land him a gal pal who also appreciates ventriloquism. Daniel quickly shows off his skills of puppetry except he moves his lips the whole time- isn’t that the exact opposite of being a ventriloquist?

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Daniel has what you call new money, and he enjoys spending his new wealth on silly cars and boats comic books. Poor Daniel has a nonexistent dating life even with his new stacks of comic books, and he seeks Patti to help him land a woman and teach him how to arrange his junk in a pair of pants.

Daniel’s polar opposite Prince Mario Max Oliver Edward George (yes, that’s not even his whole name) is Patti’s other victim millionaire this week that is in search of a princess who is not after his esteemed title which Patti googled and did not find a thing about. This prince is pulling a reverse Aladdin and going to hide the secret that he is a prince and tell the women he is just one of us poor common folk.

The recruiting process is pretty basic. There are a few extremely toasted women auditioning, but in unusual Patti fashion, she actually lets one drunkard come to the mixer. She calls the girl Lindsay Lohan (I smell a lawsuit coming!) yet still invites her. I see flashing red lights in my head. She also explains to one of the hopefuls that being a dog lover equals being a good mother. She should have headed the Casey Anthony defense team with this piece of knowledge.

Its mixer time, and wait its Justin Timberlake! Just kidding, its Daniel who has a JT makeover complete with a fly hat that he explains Patti bought him. He meets the prince and asks him the same burning question I have if you’re a prince, why can’t I find you on the internet do you have a horse? I think secretly Daniel was hoping to be set up with the fairytale character instead of the prowling women in the other room.

In the end, Prince Max picks Clark a sweet South Carolina girl whose past includes throwing fits on America’s Next Top Model. And of course, the Lindsay Lohan wannabe Shereena is chosen by Daniel. This is truly the oddest couple ever on Millionaire Matchmaker.

Party girl Shereena shows up to her date with one of Ashley Holmes’ potholder hats on her head and a pair of suspenders that Daniel likes. The pair analyzed works of art in a fancy art gallery, and when I say the pair analyzed, I mean Daniel analyzed and Shereena nodded her head trying to look sober smart. Then Shereena brings him to her home environment, and the two do Washington Apple shots at the bar.

Shereena changes into a tight yellow number to go to dinner with the still nervous (yet we have learned to love) Daniel. She attacks Daniel at dinner and forces him to kiss her not once but twice. He looks miserable, but the girl seems too toasted to notice. She even tried to win him over explaining she did not lose her virginity until she was 18! Should someone tell her this is not something to brag about?

On the other side of the world, Prince Max surprises his date with a dress and ballroom dancing lessons. He shows her the true meaning of elegance and reveals his secret of being a prince. To show she is not just after him now because he is a prince, Clark yells “Score!” and kisses her prince.

Daniel, back in his Justin Beiber hoodie, (Sorry JT, Daniel rather look like the Beibs not the Timberlake) visits Patti to explain he is not ready for such a forward girl. Do we blame him? He is back to the chopping block and hopefully Patti can find him a Blake Lively instead of a Lindsay Lohan.

Max shows up at Patti’s basking in happiness that he has found his princess who let’s hope for Patti’s sake is just not another famewhore who bounces to different reality shows. And the two are now riding off into the sunset of Max’s imaginary horse.

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