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Well we are almost to the end of the road with the most ridiculous season of Project Runway ever as the final five remain! This challenge determined which designers will be designing a collection for fashion week and who will be going home to wallow in despair while STILL designing a collection for fashion week, albeit forfeiting the $100,000 grand and the Piperlime endorsement.

Eyebrows McSequins decides to start his day off right with a steaming hot cup of bitch café as he rants about how Anya doesn’t deserve to be here and calling her out on her inability to thread a sewing needle. While I don’t disagree, no one is calling McSequins out on his complete inability to edit. Oh wait…

HBIC Heidi Klum informs the designers they will be meeting the delightful, yet clearly over it, Tim Gunn on Governors Island for the details on the challenge. There, Tim informs the designers that Governors Island will serve as inspiration for a thee-look mini collection that features a variety of looks (i.e. can’t be three cocktail dresses). The designers are given 1 hour, a map, and a golf cart (is this Amazing Race or PR?) to explore the island and sketch. I kept waiting for a golf cart accident, but it didn’t happen.

Can we all have a moment for Eyebrows McSequins Palm Beach on Crack Bermuda shorts? Oooohhh…lordy. That print!

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Eyebrows decides he is inspired by Artillery chapels and stained glass windows. Kimberly chooses a sculpture called New Beginnings, Laura decides on a circle motif – specifically a crossing walk with a bicycle trail. Yes, really. Viktor finds his inspiration in structure with a silhouette of the cityscape in the background. And Anya decides the sculptures in general are inspiring.

At Mood, problems arise when Kimberly can’t find the color she is looking for and Laura’s bill totals $700 as she informs us she “likes the finer things in life.” Back in the workroom, Tim appears with the magic velvet bag and announces a fourth look! No just kidding, he actually announces they will be provided with assistants for this challenge and brings in the last five eliminated designers who are totes available for hire! Tim draws names from the bag to assign the order for which the designers get to select their assistant.

Kimberly chooses the easy to get along with and technically proficient Becky, foiling the producers idea that she and Eyebrows would go head to head in round 87. Becky proves to be the perfect choice for the indecisive Kim.

Laura chooses Anthony Ryan – which is a good solid pick, if nothing else because he’s adorable. Viktor in a total WTF moment chooses time-management challenged Olivier, but it turns out that despite his Debbie Downer personality they work well together and very quickly. Anya, that smartie pants, chooses the technical wizard Bert. Well, we know who is winning this one! Bryce lucks out and gets stuck with Eyebrows and his cray-cray refusal to edit. He’s crying silent tears.

McSequins begins living in his delusions again when he decides to throw every piece of glitter or rhinestone on a dress form while screaming “amazing!” as Bryce desperately tries to keep him in check. Without a glitter explosion to keep his angsty energy occupied he turns on former bestie Anya and starts ranting about her complete inability to sew anything at all. He is additionally furious that she was crowned last week’s winner and the recipient of $20K. Josh could have used that money to buy gallons of puff paint and satin! Overhearing, Anya rushes over to consult her fellow-mean girl Laura. You know, Eyebrows has some valid concerns… he’s just insane. Bryce, bless his heart, tries to keep him focused and positive.

Today’s meltdown moments come in the form of Laura and Kimberly who just cannot decide on an idea and run with it. Kimberly has made about 15 garments. She should have gone with with that ballgown’s top – it was lovely and paired it with chic pants. Laura is paralyzed by circular thinking – literally and obsessing about not making it to fashion week. Everything is going swimmingly for the woman who doesn’t know charmeuse from chiffon as Bert basically assumes the role of pattern maker, seamstress, and sewing teacher as Anya sort of dithers around telling Bert about her complicated ideas.

Tim is perplexed about several designers, but he has checked so far out of this season he just wearily waves his hand and says “carry on” while running in the back to sob about the state of his professional alliances based upon this show.

All three of the girls seem to be having major fit issues and Anya’s model is unfortunately wearing her dress backwards. That seems to be the only dress she actually worked on, so it makes sense. Her ideas were very strong, but they also seemed to be heavily influenced by Bert. Which is normal in a partnership, but Bert was supposed to be the assistant to her head designer. I don’t think it’s Anya’s fault – she has great ideas and a keen sense of natural style, but she just cannot execute her ideas at all and the judges constantly over-look what’s in front of them to focus on the potential.

The guest judge is Zoe Saldana! Esteemed fashion icon, who turns it out on the red carpet! Finally a good judge!

Ok, let’s trash discuss some looks!

There seems to be no Top Three and I don’t remember them actually declaring a winner for this challenge, just announcing who will be showing at fashion week. There was a loser, obviously, but we’ll get to that.

Eyebrows McSequins: First of all this “collection” if you want to call it that, had NO cohesion other than Joshua designing it. Second of all, two of the three looks were complete costumes and looked cheap. The white dress, was sensational and I loved the unconventional fabric – he used plastic of some sort. The white dress was chic, fun, and I suspect the use of the different materials (the chainmail and the plastic) were what moved him through into the top four. The judges are suckers for unusual done well.

The judges carped on him for that Statue of Liberty Halloween costume of a dress he made, particularly the unlined lurex (I am positive that was intentional on Josh’s part, by the way). Michael Kors described Josh as being a “magpie to glitter and shine.” He’s right actually! The second look was slutty, majorette, chearleader – I’m not sure what was going through his mind! Really, without the white dress, which everyone was ga-ga over, he was a goner.

I will say of Eyebrows, his technical skill is strong and when he edits (such as the white dress) he turns out some good, solid, cute looks – but he is his own worst enemy because he can’t tone it down and he can’t deflate his hubris!

Anya: The judges predictably loved everything she did and thought her collection was very modern. Although, I think that collection looked very Bert and they are always calling everything he does “dated.” Apparently not when Anya designs them!

I will say her collection was the most cohesive, visually appealing, and it told a story – the initial ideas were hers and Bert was instrumental in helping her tie everything together. My favorite piece was the red top with the black strap – really nice touch.

The judges practically had a stroke ranting on and on about how she pushed herself, styled the collection impeccably, went above and beyond, and how intricate and precise the construction and cuts were (COME ON, THEY KNEW BERT DID EVERYTHING!). I kept screaming at the TV: “Thanks to Bert!” I do think the styling was totally hers, but this collection was so out of her wheelhouse of flowing, beachy clothes it’s hard for me to imagine it wasn’t heavily influenced by her assistant’s aesthetic. Have a look-see at Bert’s Fashion Week collection for confirmation.

I did love the black dress, but the hemline was too extreme and the white gown had some issues, but was overall a very strong minimalist piece.

Viktor: This collection surprised me because it was so… blah and generic. I wonder if he was playing it safe, but technically amazing, because taking a risk would eat up his time and possibly compromise his chances of moving on. This collection, while excellently constructed and very cohesive, was very uninspired seeming.

Michael Kors was right to praise it as commercial – it was. We could all easily see those clothes in Banana Republic or Club Monaco right now. The black dress was very cute, but you know, we’ve seen it all before. The second look – I wasn’t crazy about the jacket mixed with the print. The third look was my favorite, but yes it was very executive assistant.

Kimberly: Barely moving forward into the final four, her collection was well… sort of all over the place. The skirt look and the dress were well-styled and well done, but the orange coat – yikes.

First of all the orange coat was dumpy and made the model look heavy. The color was garish. The ideas were there, but the empire waist made it look maternity and since the fit was really off, it just did nothing for the model’s figure. The second look was pretty cute, I actually liked the material she chose for the skirt and paired with the bright orange key-hole top was fun and spunky. The gathering at the hip was a little extreme and Nina thought she should have done a straight skirt, but Kim was right to point out that then they would have called her on just doing a boring skirt. Agreed. The third dress was adorable and I could see it on a red carpet any day. I loved it. Great concept, great styling, great construction.

Laura Kathleen: Laura had problems from the get-go. She was inspired by circles and chose a bevy of super pricy fabrics and had to put much of it back in order to afford the circular print that she wanted to dominate her collection. She initially planned to use the circles on all three pieces but Tim convinced her it was over-kill.

The first look was appalling. The skirt and jacket was like Winter Wonderland Barbie goes ice skating. It was really silly and unsophisticated and poorly done. The skirt was just a hot mess and so bad it actually distracted from the ridiculously over the top jacket! The second look with the little dress, was like a nightgown. The color was cute and I saw the potential but it was an afterthought because she ran out of time and the judges knew it. The ball gown had potential but was a mess of technical errors and over-reaching ideas. She did thoughtfully use the circles and the back was really fantastic.

The judges play their favorite game of pitting the designers against each other by making them explain why they should go to fashion week and who should go with them. Eyebrows McSequins takes off the bitchcrown and wants to suddenly take Anya with him. Probably because he thinks her sewing will doom her and move him one spot closer to the win. He’s obviously not getting that she could make 10 dresses out of aluminum foil and saran wrap and they would have an orgasm and dub her the winner and high priestess of all things fashion!

Everyone, in fact, wants to take Anya with them because of her innate vision and perspective.

The judges cite problems and strengths with all the designers. Laura knows how to make clothes flawlessly, but has some issues with point of view and range. Anya, well she can’t sew. Joshua needs to edit, edit, edit. Viktor surprised the judges, who were shocked that he was able to make saleable clothes for a commercial market, but they weren’t often wowed by his creativity. And Kimberly has a girl in mind that they understand, but her performance has been unpredictable throughout the show.

In the end Anya, is of course going to fashion week. Well, I hope she learns to put in a zipper by the time she gets to Lincoln Center!

Joining her will be Viktor and Eyebrows, who provides us with a long drawn out speech about writing his history and completing his memoir… yada, yada, yada. Just say thank you and move on! Kimberly and Laura were in the bottom two. And in the end weepy Laura was unfortunately sent home. Although I think her clothing was boring and often lacked taste in a serious way, I feel terrible that someone who has dreamed of fashion week her whole life was sent home. She was gracious and handled it professionally.

Thoughts on the episode and the final four? Did the judges make the right decision?

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