On last night’s Don’t Be Tardy for the Wedding, we are (yea!) one week closer to Kim Zolciak’s wedding extravaganza!  There is vow writing, there is portable toilet shopping, and there is a potentially faux peace treaty forged between Kim and her wedding-ruining mother.

Can I just say that K.J. is a Kroy Biermann mini-me?  I love the premise of Kim talking to him at the start of each show.  That skull and crossbones knit cap is just too much!

Kim is wearing a belly baring pleather shirt and meeting up with her Uncle John who apparently lives in my neck of the woods.  She starts in on her mother, and John is quick to remind her that she’s about to talk crap about his sister.  Kim shares that her mom is threatening to be sick on her wedding day, and John reminds her that she is very particular.  Kim’s mom Karen informed John of her threats, and John reveals that his sister is no longer talking to him after he put in his two cents.  Wait, did Kim just spit out some gum at the table?  John believes that Kim and Karen are too similar, hence the tension.  The pair gets teary remembering John’s battle with cancer and how he promised not to leave her until she was married.  Kim asks him to accompany her dad in walking her down the aisle.  Wow, Kim has a heart on this show!


Kim leaves Kroy little notes about his tight a$$.  How romantic!  The couple is excited to ask Kroy’s former Falcon and current motivational speaker Coy to marry the pair.  She is reading some suggested vows, and in no way shape or form does Kim want any negativity (read: poverty passages) read in her wedding.  Coy arrives, and upon their request he seems overwhelmed to be performing his first marriage ceremony.  Kim admits that she isn’t keen on writing her own vows, but Kroy has already started penning his sentiments.  Coy basically tells Kim she better find some inspiration.

From vow writing to porta-potty rentals, this show has it all!  Kim and Derek J go looking for porta-lets.  Derek J can’t understand why Kim just won’t let the guests use her indoor bathrooms.  He is wearing a fierce poncho, by the way.  Who knew there were so many possibilities when it comes to outdoor urination?  I’ll tell you who…two of my best friends who worked for a company called Little John post-college.  I can’t make this stuff up.  Bathrooms are rented, so it’s back to writing vows for the multitasking Kim.  Her youngest daughter Ariana may need to become a professional vow author.  Kim’s matron of honor Jen arrives with Panera to help her friend.  Kim has total writer’s block because she doesn’t think it’s appropriate to talk about Kroy’s backside in the ceremony.  Basically Jen has her penning traditional vows, only “in sickness and in health” is replaced with “whether we’re illin’ or chillin’.”  Loves it!

Kim meets with her stylist Shun, and both are hoping that Kim’s mom will show up for her fitting.  Her mother and father arrive, and there is an awkward gift exchange.  Karen brings the couple a gift basket, full of–what else?–wine glasses.  Her mother is trying on dresses for the wedding.  Why are they all white?  Kim’s dad apparently carries around his wedding photo in his wallet.  Kim’s dad declares a mother-of-the-bride dress “the one” while Kim tries to get her dad’s take on her mother’s recent tantrums.  Her father reveals that Karen feels as if she’s not needed because Kim hasn’t asked her for any help when all Karen wanted to do was help and contribute.

Ariana and Brielle are discussing their future weddings.  Brielle wants cheeseburgers at her reception, while Ariana’s color scheme will be purple and hot pink.  While I think cheeseburgers at a reception sound a-freakin-mazing, it’s clear that the daughters don’t fall far from the wig.

Kroy relays to Kim’s father that the pair is worried that her mom may cause drama at the wedding.  Kim decides to share her concerns with Karen, and Kim promises that she didn’t want to hurt her mom’s feelings by excluding her from Colin Cowie’s tasting, she just wanted the decision to be between her and Kroy.  Her mother only wanted to be included.  Kim rehashes her mother’s “sick on the wedding day” text, and Kim’s father demands an apology from his wife for Kim.  She says she’s sorry, but let’s all agree it wasn’t sincere.  I kind of feel bad for Kim’s mom.  She just wants to help.

Next week, Jen thinks Kim’s boobs are too “On Display” (you’re welcome for the plug, Melissa Gorga!), and Kim is sad when Jen is MIA for wedding planning.  She’s called out by Colin Cowie’s assistant for drinking before noon (hello!  It’s five o’ clock somewhere), and cries to Kandi Burruss (sweet crossover, Bravo!) about Jen’s absence.  Kroy takes it upon himself to scold Jen.


Photo Credit: Bravo TV

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