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Good gracious.  Part One of the Love & Hip Hop Atlanta reunion took a lot out of me.  Mona Scott-Young is mediating…if you can even call it that, but the lady looks really good.  I didn’t recognize her!  I guess I shouldn’t be shocked that she’s ready to stir the pot!

We begin with a montage of the season.  It’s much easier to watch in a quick recap than it was to watch every week.  I know the regular readers will agree!  I’m most excited to see how all things Stevie J. will pan out at this reunion.  I have a feeling I’m going to be incredibly disappointed.  These women, save one or two, have absolutely no shame.  None.  Nada.  Zero shame.  It’s sad, but it’s certainly entertaining at least.

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We begin with Mona Scott-Young assuring us that the Atlanta franchise was anything but scripted.  Oh, okay.  Thanks for clarifying.  Now I totally believe you.  She introduces the cast, and Joseline is wearing a Mardi Gras mask.  That’s normal.  But what is normal in this carnival?  Mona hates that African American women have gotten such a negative stigma on this show.  Mimi Faust begins by saying that everything was real…and she doesn’t know a single woman who hasn’t been cheated on in a relationship.  She needs to widen her group of friends.

The first question out of the gate is how old Karlie Redd actually is.  Karlie is quick to say that she’s the same age as K. Michelle.  K. Michelle retorts that Karlie marched with Martin Luther King, Jr.  Yelling and bleeping occurs.  Mona doesn’t like “how heated” it’s getting, so she changes the subject and asks who has had what plastic surgery.  Apparently Karlie, Joseline, and K. Michelle are the only ladies who have gone under the knife.  Is this the reunion?  It’s like a comedy of errors.  Joseline addresses the rumors that she’s had a sex change.  Joseline and Mona share that Joseline was naked and taking her first pregnancy test in front of Madame Producer…she’s all woman.

When Erica admits that she wasn’t sure of Joseline’s orientation, Joseline chides her to ask Lil’ Scrappy, as she used to dance for him when she was underage.  Wow.  Scrappy is floored.  VH1 shares a Joseline mugshot from when she arrested under a fake name.  Joseline isn’t phased…she’s been arrested more than twenty times and has a scrapbook full of mugshots.  Kirk Frost looks on from the audience, totally confused by the whole exchange.  At least Joseline owns all her insanity.  This may be an amazing reunion!

Mona’s first order of business is the drama that Karlie Redd had with both Joseline and K. Michelle.  We are treated to a wonderful highlight reel.  Joseline is more than amused watching the footage.  I think she’s the first of this crew to land a spin-off.  Karlie defends herself for stirring the pot about Joseline and Stevie with Mimi.  K. Michelle brings up Karlie’s daughter and, again, there is a great deal of swearing.  Karlie acknowledges that she has a daughter, but she won’t elaborate.  An audience member asks a question.  I can’t even follow his train of thought because I’m convinced that he’s the viral YouTube guy who sang “Hide your wife, hide your kids!” but dressed as a lady.  I know Karlie answers that she is not, in fact, signed to Cash Money Records.  Glad we got to the bottom of that!

Rasheeda‘s doubts regarding K. Michelle’s domestic abuse is revisited next.  While Rasheeda is quick to not to refer to her friends–and K. Michelle’s alleged abuser–by name, she isn’t sure she believes her co-star.  K.Michelle insists she isn’t claiming to be innocent or perfect, but she has never changed her story, and she will continue to help women who are victims of domestic violence.  Rasheeda is acting much tougher on the reunion than she ever did on the show.  There is screaming, there are accusations of Rasheeda disrespecting Kirk, and we have the first handler intervention of the night as the women come to blows.  Can’t we all just get along?

Mona invites us to revisit the altercation between Erica Dixon and Scrappy and Joseline and Stevie.  I wonder if Mimi cares about how cozy Stevie and Mimi appear on Mona’s rented sofa.  Man, I’d forgotten how many rented VH1 employees it took to break up that fight.  Mona reminds the viewers that VH1 does not to condone violence on the network, so the fight was heavily edited to reflect this new mandate.  Good to know.  Thanks for being so proactive!  Scrappy is given the floor, but sadly, there are no subtitles on the reunion.  Thankfully, Joseline and Erica get into it, and I can understand them as they both continue to call each other a b*tch.  Scrappy and Stevie both get off the sofa, but it’s quickly mitigated.  Stevie talks about his alleged trip to the hospital. He reveals that he slammed Scrappy into the bushes.  Scrappy asks if he’s mistaken…didn’t the both just fall into the bushes as security came into play?  Again, I really need subtitles.

Let’s bring out Momma Dee to give her take on the fight.  She says that she hated watching the incident, but no one comes into the queen’s castle and disrespects the prince.  That’s quite an analogy, don’t you think?  A Facebook fan questions whether a probation laden Scrappy heard from his parole officer after the smack down.  Everyone on the panel laughs as Mona cues a commercial break.  Wait, did I miss something?  I can’t follow this craziness to save my life!

Mona brings Mimi, Stevie, Joseline, and Ariane to the stage.  We get to see Stevie sing again.  It’s like Christmas…with cringing.  Stevie is smooth when he says it hurts him to watch that footage.  Mimi admits that she never saw Stevie as the marrying kind.  Stevie is quick to say that he thinks that Mimi has always wanted to marry him.  Joseline interrupts saying she respects Mimi but she’s real…she just wants Stevie’s man parts and his money.  Whoa.  Stevie moves from sitting next to Joseline to moving to Mimi’s couch.  He spews his love for Mimi and his professional respect for Joseline.  He really just blames Ariane for all the problems in his relationship with Mimi.

Stevie and Ariane are going at it.  Mimi isn’t embarrassed or ashamed of what she’s gone through with Stevie.  Stevie and Mimi both seem to blame outsiders for messing with her head.  Mimi does set the record straight in that she makes her own money and doesn’t need Stevie’s lifestyle.  Mona asks Joseline if Stevie is her soul mate.  She’s not sure, but she’s all about talking about her sex life with Stevie.  Is this for real?  Mimi is insulted that Joseline would even attempt to advise her on how to handle the man she’s been with for fifteen years.  Yeah, I think that’s why I’d be insulted…forget that you’re sitting on a sofa on national television chatting with your boyfriend of a decade and a half and the woman he won’t give up screwing for you.  Am I the only sane person left in this world?

Holy hell.  According to a local commercial, Stevie J. is going to be hosting a nightclub party just fifteen minutes outside of my hometown.  I guess the Palmetto State is just a couple hours up Interstate 85 for the Atlanta d-bag, but I may need to check it out…for blogging purposes only, of course.

Back from the break, we revisit Joseline’s pregnancy.  I have to laugh when Mona says that she couldn’t believe how surprised the cast and crew was to learn of the pregnancy.  Joseline says Mimi shouldn’t be shocked given that Stevie has five kids…and only one with Mimi.  Mimi wants to set the record straight by saying that he had all of his kids before they got together.  Mimi still isn’t convinced that Joseline’s baby was Stevie’s.  However, Stevie knows it was his.  Mimi isn’t coming across very well, is she?  Mona and Joseline call out Stevie for having her urine soaked pregnancy test in his back pocket.  Joseline claims that she chose her career over having a baby, but now, if Stevie wanted a marriage and family with her, she’d be all about it.  Joseline jokes that now he’s making the money, she’d happily take advantage…and she even invites a disgusted Mimi to be a part of that fictional marriage.  You have to hand it to Joseline…she’s a hoot, and she doesn’t seem to give a rip.  When Mona asks Mimi point blank if she’s done with Stevie for good, she tiptoes around the question.  Stevie also reveals that he’ll never be able to let Mimi go.

Next week, Lil’ Scrappy is wearing a plastic crown, and Karlie talks about the naked lady Benzino had at the house the night he didn’t propose.  Speaking of proposals?  Will Erica say “I do” when Scraps pulls out a ring?  K. Michelle is questioned about her relationship with Ryan Lochte.

TELL US-WHAT IN THE WORLD WAS UP WITH THAT REUNION?  HOW PATHETIC DID MIMI LOOK AS SHE CONTINUED TO DEFEND HER ACTIONS?  DID YOU UNDERSTAND A WORD THAT CAME OUT OF SCRAPPY’S MOUTH?  THOUGHTS ON STEVIE AND JOSELINE?  NO WORDS…

[Photo Credit: VH1]

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