Aaaaahhh… girls trip. Never a more ominous phrase in the reality TV vernacular, right? And last night it was no exception for the Real Housewives of Miami.
Like all girls trips it started off innocently enough; there were the usual shenanigans of missing identification, too much luggage, small plane anxiety, and of course master bedroom mayhem. But the new twist was 'Oops I caught your boyfriend cheating!'
Yeah, Karent Sierra, her teeth, and her smile were bamboozled, blindsided, and backed into a corner. And for a second – just one, small, teensy-weensy second – her smile faltered, the shine of the veneers started to fade, and the future didn't look so blinding white and perfect. Karent learned an important reality TV lesson last night – don't eff with a Real Housewife because those girls are vicious. More vicious than piranhas and they will eat their own for relevance. Well, some of them. It was the initiation of a new Housewife in full force.
Let's break this down, shall we.
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So Marysol Patton is literally freezing her face off. Apparently one night a week she lowers the AC to 10 degrees, bundles up and goes to sleep, thus turning her apartment into Igloo de Patton. This is a preservation tactic for anti-aging. Sure – go with that Marysol. Mama Elsa is joining her in the cryogenics chamber for the first time ever, and Mama Elsa no like it. She's wrapped up full babushka style and is still freezing. Her face did look a tad less puffy though, or was it just me?
Poor Mama Elsa is so cold she can't even work the microwave and all she wants to do is go sit in a sauna to melt. While the cold may not have helped stave off the wrinkles, it did give Elsa a premonition. A dastardly premonition of the upcoming trip to Bimini and a terrible storm. The island may be beautiful, but there will be devastating turmoil. Not giving away names, just yet, but one poor girl will learn some very sad news that will destroy her life. Oh, and no one will get along, but who needs a psychic to know that.
Anyone remember Passions? That show was so based on Mama Elsa.
Uhhh… so after that wonderful news who's ready for beachside cocktails? I'm not sure I could take news like that before espresso. This girl is not a morning person!
Also, not looking forward to forced exile with the Mean Girls Club is Lea Black. She really only wants to go because well, this is better than TV and Freda is boring her lately. Jameslaine arrives to loan Lea some hats and debrief the Marysol meeting. James is still annoyed that Marysol is trying to move forward instead of dwelling in the past, but Lea wants to set the record straight and plans to confront Marysol if need be about the situation. So this trip is going to be great – at least it looks like Lea will be rocking some crazilicious outfits!
Over at Joanna Krupa's house she's sullenly stuffing a zillion bikinis in her suitcase while pretending to be le sads. Romain shows up and Joanna reveals she's not sure she can trust Romain while she's Bimininig it in bikinis since he's been flirting/texting/emailing another woman behind her back. Joanna is still uncertain about whether she's ready to commit to Romain after five years and one engagement ring. She's decided to take this peaceful, healing weekend to think about things and decide what's more important her career or life in Miami with Romain. Now that she has RHOM aren't they one and the same? These two are starting to bore me.
As everyone trickles into the airport spirits are high. Unfortunately the bag weight limit per Housewife is 50lbs which poses a problem. Adriana de Moura arrives in the cutest outfit ever, with 300 bags, one giant one filled with make-up. Another just for hats. Lea is concerned about the plane sinking.
And Marysol has a sudden need for a life jacket and a flare gun. She's got that premonition in the back of her mind. She is so not perishing in a small plane with these bitches because Adriana brought too many sparkly caftans.
The only thing Adriana didn't bring was her passport. Like a big ol' Kim Richards oops. So she can't go without it. She wants everyone to wait while she goes home 40 minutes gets it and comes back, but the pilots are like nope, sorry bitch. Adriana is doomed to fly *gasp* commercial on a later flight, but the girls will keep her luggage and throw it overboard if need be!
Adriana stomps out and the other girls commence with freaking out about the tiny plane. Marysol is literally hyperventilating. She forgot Aviva Dresher's Xanax, obviously. Why is there always drama over small planes on these HW shows? Maybe these people should start traveling to less remote places. Paris, anyone? Too classy?
Joanna announces that she's separating the girls into two houses. The groups are as followed: the women she likes and the women producers forced her to invite. What that means is that Marysol, Ana Quincoces, Alexia Echevarria, and Adriana are stuck together. While Joanna is with Karent, Fembot Fakenstein, and Lea.
Before they depart for the other house, Alexia calls out to Lea to come over before everyone leaves for dinner because she needs her advice. It's all very elusive and Marysol is instantly on edge. Ana says that she's glad Lea is staying at casa de teeth because she can't stand her voice.
While it looks as if Joanna has chosen the snazzier house for herself, looks are deceiving. Because it only has ONE single bedroom with on-suite and the rest are doubles with twins. Cue the obligatory Master Bedroom bru-ha-ha. Fembot literally cannot take the thought of sharing a room for three days and dramatically throws herself on the bed to claim it. You know how dogs mark their territory with pee – do Housewives do that with things like hair spray or perfume, or by dumping one of their own overly-hawked products on it? Territory marking courtesy of Febellini.
While the other girls duke it out over the temporary lodgings and act as if they all live in squalor and this is their one chance at luxury, Lea simply takes one of the twins and starts hanging her stuff in the closet. I dunno why but I just love Lea. She so does not give a fuck and she's awesome.
In the still unclaimed master Karent, Lisa, and Lea pop some champagne and talk Rodolfo woes. Karent reveals their relationship has been filled with struggles but they're finally on the right track. She says it seems perfect, but something doesn't feel perfect. She can't put her finger on what. She also agonizes over his inability to fully commit. Karent looks real and honest in this moment – and that's a first for her.
Can we take a brief moment to discuss Fembot? I sort of love Lisa. She's one of the most plasticine looking people I've ever seen, but she's so sweet. Something about her is remarkably genuine and earnest. And I also love her hair. How does it always look so perfect?
Moving along, Lea has shunned her travel frock for her best Dorothy Zbornak garb, complete with turban. She's rocking white see-thru pants, giant shell-shaped gold earrings, a serious turban, and a tunic blazer. She totally bought that from a Golden Girls closet clean-out EBay auction. Either that or it was a loaner from Elaine who got it at a Palm Beach estate sale.
Lea waltzes in like she's Doris -effing-Duke and five minutes later so too arrives a frazzled Adriana. I look worse after full hair and make-up. The perks of being poor, eh?
Everyone clusters in the bathroom to receive Alexia's big news. And it so does not disappoint. One of the writers at Alexia's magazine also writes for some other Spanish-language publications. Low and behold what did she discover but an article in a Mexican mag declaring that Karent's Rodolfo is currently involved with a 24-year-old Mexican actress he met on the show he was hosting. It was love at first site and there are also photos of them making out. Not mentioned in the article? Rodolfo's thirty-something American dentist girlfriend!
The article is below!
Another interesting fact – the girl Rodolfo is madly in love with is also named ANA! And all the pieces snap together for the anti-teeth club. Ana Q, who was accused of sexting and flirting with Rodolfo was a decoy! The REAL Ana was back in Mexico, unbeknownst that ol' Rolfy was cheating on her as well. And Rodolfo was using Ana Q as a scapegoat to get Karent off his suspicious tail.
Now the big question: does Karent know and should she? Everyone believes Karent must be aware of this and therefore it further confirms that this relationship is a publicity stunt of its own. Lea sagely chimes in that given her recent conversation with Karent she fully believes Karent thinks this relationship is real.
Marysol finds it impossible that Karent not be aware of the rumors – and they may just be that rumors, a publicity stunt, whatever. Adriana who pretends for half of a hot minute to be the concerned and empathetic woman, decides that Karent must be told. After all she was once a scorned woman and everyone knew but her. Alexia, once in the same boat, agrees. Now maybe they were being truthful. Maybe they really did think Karent had a right to know to avoid embarrassment. Regardless of intent, it was only a waiting game before the gory truth was dumped in Karent's lap.
7 Real Housewives and 1 Golden Girl!
As they all meet up on the dock for dinner, Joanna is cranky and starving. And since Joanna is always a live wire it's best to get this girl some food stat to prevent further meltdowns. Before dinner, of course, must come shots. And even Lea is cajoled into participating. Lea claims she's never been drunk. First time for everything, right Zbornak! And a tipsy Lea is a fun Lea.
Everyone is getting along, having fun, and sharing. It really was a getting to know you trip. Lea asks the girls to go around the table and share something no one knows about their relationship. In the spirit of being open, Joanna revels she's on the fence with Romain and silently the girls all vow to swoop in and nab him.
Lisa surprisingly admits that since she quit working after marrying she's lost a part of herself and feels she's wasting her life. And Marysol confesses she's not sure how to handle Philippe. Sometimes she loves him, sometimes she's ready to divorce, and sometimes she's just meh. The more shots Lea does, the more her turban unravels. And the more everyone pushes her to drink more. Karent makes a toast to healing and Adriana thinks this is the perfect moment to bust out the incriminating evidence. Marysol does not agree.
The girls all head inside to the beach house where Lea conveniently brings up cheating. She wants to know who's been cheated on. Poor Karent tells a story of the time a random drunk woman showed up at her house looking for her boyfriend. That woman turned out to be the person he was cheating with. Side-eyes bounded across the room faster than a laser as everyone wondered – is this serendipity? That guy was so Rodolfo. I bet that's why they broke up the first time!
Karent is just all teeth telling the story, smiling, smiling… No one can believe that daft, in denial Karent didn't suspect that her significant other was spending a significant amount of time with others. And as for Rodolfo, she trusts him completely. Girl – you are not Cleopatra. Step away from de nile. Karent admits she would want to know if someone was cheating on her.
Alexia clears her throat and asks to speak to Lisa outside. Fembot is confused but goes willingly like a lamb to slaughter. And Alexia shares the news about Rodolfo, Ana No. 2, and the incriminating photos. Lisa immediately believes Karent needs to know but thinks the conversation should take place privately without fuss, and without gawkers.
Eventually unable to take anymore of the suspense of being left out of a conversation – or waiting for some deliciously good drama to start – the other Housewives trickle outside to find out what's up. Adriana thinks Lisa should tell Karent, but Lisa believes Alexia should be the bearer of bad news as the uncoverer of the truth. Let's just say no one wants to be the messenger that gets shot.
She sits there beaming like she just got dubbed runner up at Miss Universe and had to pretend to be happy for the bitch wearing the crown. It was a 'I competed in Miss Universe, starved for a year, and all I got was this crappy bouquet!' smile if I've ever seen one. No one is sure how to gage Karent's reaction so they all sit there staring her down like she's a zoo exhibit. The worst part was Karent realizing everyone knew but her. Well she can really show off a pair of veneers because she didn't crack.
Lisa whispers that she wanted to tell her in private and Karent does a barely perceptible smile. Karent doesn't want to see the article and photos and she dismisses it as gossip. Poor Karent. This is really sad. And then boom. Curtains till next week where Karent melts down behind the scenes.
Personally, I think all the girls but possibly Lea (after speaking with Karent earlier in the day), Lisa and Joanna believed Karent's relationship was for the cameras and therefore they didn't feel bad outing her on a fake relationship. I think once they realized by her reaction that she really does care for Rodolfo and believed their relationship was genuine, the reality sunk in. For everyone. It was an unfortunate and incontinent situation. I honestly think Alexia didn't mean any harm or malice in telling her.
I personally think no matter what Alexia should have had the conversation one-on-one with Karent. I think she should have given her the article and said, 'Look – I don't know how to tell you this but one of my writers found this and I think you have a right to know this is being circulated.' I also think on vacation was no place for this either.
[Photo Credits: BravoTV.com]
TELL US – DID ALEXIA HANDLE THE SITUATION WITH KARENT WRONG? WAS SHE TRYING TO CAUSE DRAMA OR DID SHE REALLY CARE? IS KARENT IN DENIAL OR JUST HIDING HER REACTION FROM THE OTHER GIRLS?
ADDITIONAL INFO: The article in question from last night's episode is about Rodolfo and girlfriend Ana Belena. The Article is from March of last year. You can view it here, where you'll also find the make-out photos! Sent to RT by Twitter follower: happyfaceatl.