So, earlier last night we watched the end of an overly tanned, liquor-infused, fist-pumping era. I'll admit, while Paula's cake to Mike was ridiculously disgusting and disturbing, I giggled a bit…and for that, I'm ashamed. Even if the house thought it was funny, it wasn't okay. At all. Now, it's time for the Jersey Shore reunion.
The roommates all assembled for a live broadcast. Nicole "Snooki" Polizzi has already given birth to Lorenzo. Likewise, Vinny Guadagnino, DJ Pauly D Delvecchio, Jenni "JWoww" Farley, Ronnie Ortiz-Magro, Sammi "Sweetheart" Giancola, Deena Cortese, and Mike "The Situation" Sorrentino. I, for one, take a small amount of pride in the fact that I can spell all of their names from memory. I'm a horrible speller. Who is this girl hosting the reunion? She touts the group's popularity over six seasons. They have certainly changed a lot since bringing their zebra print luggage to Seaside Heights…and I don't just mean the botox. It's nice to have a reunion with this crew where everyone is getting along. I didn't want it to be like the Italy reunion. Yikes.
We revisit seasons past: t-shirt time, Snooki's initial entrance into the house, and Vinny's faux hawk. The gang jokes about how their random sayings work their way into the conversations of us regular folks before showing a highlight reel of many roommate fights. While they are all about throwing punches and pulling hair, they can laugh it off knowing they were quick to forgive once everyone got sober. For once, Snooki's hair is more orange than her skin. Cue a duck phone montage. Everyone jokes about Mike's final beat down of the poor mallard.
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I'm going to sidebar for a second. The thing about recapping reunions is that half of the reunion is just clips from the season (or, in this case, the series). I am not going to go into detail on the highlights, as we've all seen them, and they've been recapped in the past. Plus, they are just a reminder to me that the show is totes over. Going to jail was a popular theme throughout the seasons, and we're treated to a reel of the most ridiculous arrests. Rawn feels a certain sense of pride in knowing he was the first to visit the Seaside slammer, although I think Deena deserves major props for dancing in the middle of an intersection. She's learned her lesson though. Drunk meatball dancing must be contained to the sidewalk and the crosswalk…when the light is in her favor. It is so refreshing to see all of the roommates laughing and joking with one another with nary a hint of animosity. Vin and Paul were fortunate enough to escape the drunk tank, and they joke about who they would call if their luck took a turn for the worse.
After watching a clip about how much the crew likes to watch themselves in the mirror, everyone pretty much agrees that Mike was the vainest of them all. This reunion is tamer than my well-trained, scared of her own shadow 'guard' dog. I'm a hypocrite…I love that this crowd loves one another, yet I'm disappointed at the lack of drama at the reunion. Should I call it a reunion or just a highlight show? The in-house hook-ups are brought up, and Snooki certainly takes first prize for making out with the most roommates. I am happy to be reminded that Sam and Mike hooked up first. I had totally forgotten about that! The group laughs off their borderline incestuous behavior with no one getting defensive or upset. Okay. This is why I like them. Of course, they can't agree on who among them had the most pent up sexual frustration. There are votes for Jenni, Vin, and Pauly, and jokes are made about Vin and Pauly's bromance.
The host tries to bring up past drama by reminding Sammi that Rawn engaged in a triple kiss with two grenades, the fallout from which ended in an Jenni/Sam slapfest. Jenni regrets meddling in Sam and Rawn's relationship, and Sammi can now see that Jenni only had good intentions when spilling Ronnie's dastardly deeds. A classy Rawn reminds us that, but for his grenade three-way tongue war, he and Sammi wouldn't be in the happy place they are today. He's a keeper! The pair reveals that they are still
happily together, although Ronnie reminds the host that the reunion isn't over yet. The ups and downs of their very tumultuous relationship is given its own highlight reel. I can't watch the caboodle devastation! Sammi can't pinpoint why Ronnie's such a catch, and Rawn finds this hilarious…much more funny than when her silly actions resulted in third parties popping his air mattress. Vin believes that if the "Rammi" is still together after all of their drama, they can survive anything. Awww.
The host asks Mike if he thinks he dodged a bullet when Sammi thwarted him for Rawn. Okay, so she didn't say 'thwarted.' Before Mike can answer, an unusually hilarious Ronnie interrupts, saying, "He may have dodged a bullet, but he took a ton of grenades." That is funny, I don't care who you are. High fives all around on the reunion stage! Lez be honest, it's more fun to remember Deena's multiple girl-on-girl action…including some NSFW interactions with Snooki. I love that the camera just panned to a very, VERY orange Uncle Nino (he's got a cane!) in the audience sitting next to poor Shore Store Danny. Uncle Nino makes everything better…especially when he's sporting a prop! We are treated to a montage of Pauly and Vinny's bromance. They truly love each other, and I truly love them both. Again, these real friendships are why I love this show. The pair does some FPC (Fist Pump, Push Up, Chapstick) for old time's sake.
Moving on to a much more somber topic, the reunion shares footage from Restore the Shore. The group is extremely moved watching what they saw first hand. Danny is confident that the boardwalk will be back and better than ever. I agree, but I hope that Uncle Nino's marble carved horse head cane topper doesn't poke out Danny's eye. It's a close call. Finally, we're forced to say our last good-bye to the crazy, gross, tan, overly muscled people we've come to know and love. I'm not trying to be funny…I miss them already. They truly are a big, hilarious, screwed up, but totally loving family. Okay, now I'm choked up. Feel free to laugh at my expense! I deserve it!
TELL US-WHAT DID YOU THINK OF THE LIVE REUNION SPECIAL? WILL YOU MISS THESE CRAZY KIDS AS MUCH AS I WILL?
[Photo Credit: MTV]